What is going on

What attracts you to girls compared to the attraction you feel for guys?

 

Same thing started happening to me. For me, I started to accept I was gay.

 

This is exactly what happened once I acknowledged my gay feelings. Over a very short period of time I first lost the desire to be with a woman and then the physical ability. Frankly by that time I simply didn’t care. From that point on I knew I was 100% gay and didn’t miss women in any way.

 

It’s a huge possibility. When I realized my attraction to men I started to figure out my supposed attraction to women was superficial it was the idea that admiring a woman’s beauty makes you attracted to her.
Once I started to question whether I was attracted to women sexually I realized it was not for me at all. It was men who were sexually and emotionally attractive to me.

 

I think it's something you'll have to do some serious soul-searching on. I think it's pretty common for people to be sexually fluid, especially bisexuals/pansexuals. I know a number of people who have stated great interested in the same sex for a time, then great interest in the opposite. It seems to ebb and flow for certain people.

Then again, it's entirely possible everyone else has the right of it, and that perhaps you're fully coming to accept being gay.

Overall though, I think only you can decide which it is.

 

While it is possible that you may very well be coming to terms with being gay and allowing yourself to accept that possibility and allowing your mind to wander toward thinking about guys instead of girls now, it could also be that you are bisexual and are simply experiencing an ebb in your thoughts and feelings toward girls and a rise in your thoughts and feelings toward guys. The attraction you can feel for different genders doesn't necessarily stay a constant 50/50 or 30/70 or 60/40 for the entire time you're bisexual. Some months, you may find that you are far more attracted to one gender than another. Or perhaps, you may find that you are exclusively attracted to one gender altogether and are actually gay. As cliché as it may sound, it really does take time to figure out. Either way, both options are good options.

 

Hi I have been reading a few comments on here for the last 4 months as I am really struggling also. Sorry to be jumping into your post but just want to get some advice on some of your points made

I feel like my attraction to women has also gone and I am noticing men a hell of a lot more and picturing kissing them and doing stuff with them but I am not sure what to make of it all

I get constant thoughts of doing thing with men everyday and causes me some serious issues in been able to focus at work.

I go on gay porn to analyse if I am liking it and I think I do these days and not sure what to do going forward.

My girlfriend knows all about my situation but I am just so unhappy on a daily basis I don’t know what I am to the next day, the level of thinking I want to be penetrated everyday becomes a big issue in staying focused.

Are there inner desires, curiosity and sexual urges that I just need to go out to act on and j am just holding back

Thanks in advance

 

In many cases mine included as you come to acknowledge your gay feeling the desire to be with a woman starts to fade. Over time it disappears totally and in some case the ability to be intimate with a woman. Once I experienced true intimacy with another man there was no going back. What I assumed was attraction to a woman was nothing compared to what I felt towards another man once I started to rebel against my heteronormative programming. Sexual relations with the women in my life were ok however more mechanical than passionate. I always felt as if something was missing in me. Sex was simply a means to an end frankly. Emotionally there was never that deep connection that makes you want to be with her every minute. With a man I experienced for the first time the passion, sensuality, sexual freedom and emotional connection I had been seeking. It is as if I was given the chance to start over only this time it’s all working. I would never ever go back even if that was an option. Simply put for me gay is so much better on every level.

 

Hi so would you agree going with a man will give me my underlining answer?

I am bombarded by these graphic sexual thoughts of being with men every day of my life. I have seeked CBT therapy for my anxiety and depression and my overall mental state.

I just don’t how to clearly distinguish if I am liking the thoughts or not and trying to get my 100% answer so I can live a happy fuelled life.

The constant thought of been penetrated plagues me everyday and not entirely sure what to actually do about it.

The thing is a see men and can’t seem to make a decision if I think he’s good looking, whether I find him attractive myself, whether I find him sexually attractive. How would I know and find out this?

I feel like I really enjoy sex with women, from foreplay, to oral but then afterwards I question everything... going did I actually like it.

Why am I so unhappy.

Jakesbusman have you been with a man before?

 

Blade only you know if your ready to be with a man. From reading your posts it would certainly seem so. The only way to be sure is to try it. It will either click with you or you may find it was not what you thought or enjoyed. Either way you will know and can move forward. Good luck.

 

I know what you mean. I still find women attractive, but my wife has noticed that I need help getting erections when I’m with her, but I don’t have this problem when thinking about sex with men. This scares me a little

 

I think I am just at a point now where I just can’t take it anymore and need to go out and do it to get me certainty. From the moment I wake up to the moment I go to sleep I am bombarded with sexual images of homosexual nature.

I have seeked therapy for my intrusive, questioning, analysing, rumination, compulsive behaviour because some days I can no I don’t want it then I go yes I do. I am really worried that I will go out and do it and realise that if I don’t like then two days later I will be like well I must of done it wrong so will keep going out and doing it again and again.

I mean I bend over and kiss walls to imagine what if feels like.

I am literally at breaking point as I don’t want to be gay

 

You see I don’t get erections when thinking of men or analysing gay porn. I have never even masturbated to gay porn I just sit there and try to work out if I am enjoying it or not. I don’t know if I am use to it because I think about it so much I just have no idea if I am into women anymore I get really aroused with my girlfriend in the bedroom and never have issue with maintaining an erection.

 

Jake

I cannot remember. Have you ever been with a guy sexually? Cause, the curiosity can be pretty intensive.

I will offer a bit of a counterpoint to @Contented who has identified as gay. As a bisexual, I was pretty happy, sexually, with my wife. However, I never experienced sex with a man and it drove me crazy thinking about it. To the point, I wondered if I was gay. But, I also continued to be attracted to women both emotionally and sexually.

With my wife's permission, I did some exploring. Here's what I learned.

Casual sex with a man doesn't do anything for me. I just don't find m2m sex, without a connection, that compelling having experienced it even though I thought it would be the greatest thing ever...in my fantasies.

That said. I met a man, who is now my best friend/boyfriend. We have an amazing sex life. It's been a year together now and every time we are together, it is better than before. BUT, I am pretty sure I cannot replicate this with another guy very easily. He is, impossibly, perfect for me. So, the idea that we can find fulfillment with just "trying it out" may not be very accurate for some of us. This may be really muddying the waters for you guys. But, I thought I better offer this summary. My gay sex life is incredible. But, if I had to make a choice, I would choose what I have with my wife. How you know this without trying it out is, in my opinion, is just a guess. It is an awkward position to be in and there is not a clear answer for some of us.

I think, buried deep down inside of us, there is the answer we seek. But, it may be really difficult to figure out. You know. It is OK to be bisexual. It is OK to feel attractions to men and women.

 

Thanks for the reply.

When you say it drove you crazy do you mean the constant thought of going out and doing it and wanting to experience it because I get constant thoughts everyday want to be penetrated. Every time I bend over to pick something up I imagine been penetrated, every time I am on my hands and knees cleaning I imagine been penetrated, every time I relax on the sofa I imagine been penetrated.

So are you still with your wife and how did you broach the subject, was it I need to go out and do this to get me answer?

When did you start feeling you were attracted to men?

I see guys all the time and think he is good looking but I how would I know I am attracted or sexually attracted to them?