The issue I'm having is what defines someone as being Gay, Lesbian, or Bisexual? Is it who you like having sex with or who you have sincere romantic feelings for? If you say sexual attraction deems someone a certain orientation -- Some people are sexually attracted to animals, buildings and etc. What orientation are they? I call myself a bisexual because I am sexually attracted to men and women but I am romantically and sexually attracted to other women and it has been my dream to marry a woman one day, instead of a man. Men are awesome and very sexy but I've never had actual sex with a man and I'm not the least bit interested in doing so, either. I could have a "crush" on a male character, which is actually lust because they're hot but I've also had crushes on hot video game characters.. but those are video games so what gives? I am so confused as to whether I am bisexual or a confused lesbian of a sort. Any analysis and input would be appreciated. <3
Based on what you said, I would consider bisexual a fair label for you. It's possible you have a predominant attraction to the same sex and you are far more likely to date and have a sexual relationship with another woman, but you also accept that men are "awesome and sexy" (a statement that is more definite than you would expect to hear from someone who identifies as gay). When it comes to labels there is no right and wrong. It's really a personal matter for you, but I would avoid describing yourself as a confused lesbian. Describing yourself as confused is likely to cause further anxiety about your sexuality, when you are really seeking clarity. Are you happy with bisexual?
It might be helpful for you to look into something called compulsory heterosexuality. Basically, you’ve been expected to be exclusively heterosexual your entire life, and so as your realizing that you may be into other girls, it’s hard to understand the feelings you have for girls, and feelings you may not have for guys. What stood out to me in your post was when you said that you only get “crushes” on fictional video game characters, but that you’d have no interest in having sex with men in real life. If you know you don’t want to be with men in real life, it might mean you don’t actually want to be with men. Also, as many posts on this site can attest to, there isn’t any credible evidence to suggest that sexual orientation is different from romantic orientation. Usually if it seems like they’re different (like being sexually attracted to men and women but only romantically attracted to women) it can mean that you might still be in the process of understanding your true feelings for women. But basically, if you’re way more sure of your feelings for women, and only into very specific men in specific circumstances (like fictional men) it may be that you’re a lesbian. You don’t need to call yourself that, or anything if it doesn’t seem right though. I think we get to define what our identities are and what those identities mean to us in how we live our lives. It’s not as black and white as we want it to be unfortunately.
