I’m so confused because for the last year, I’ve gone multiple dates with women, even though there hasn’t been a second date or even a kiss yet. I met all of them through apps, and every time it’s just felt so boring. I mean I think they’re cute since I obviously swiped right on them, and I liked talking them enough to ask them out, but there hasn’t been any chemistry when I meet them in real life. I just got home from my last date, and she was very nice and all, but I just didn’t feel butterflies or anything, I mean I’m realizing that first dates are mostly about making small talk and just getting to know someone, so maybe I just need to keep seeing her. It’s obviously very discouraging to go so long making an effort to find someone and just come up with nothing, but it’s also distressing because now I’m beginning to wonder if I actually felt more on dates with guys. I changed my label on here to bisexual from lesbian a while ago after my most recent label crisis, but I was beginning to think that I may actually be a lesbian after all. But when I go on dates with women, it always seems so dull and there’s this voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me I should be on a date with a guy and that I should try harder to date them, and that the reason why I’m so bored on these dates is because I’m out with a girl instead of a guy. I mean, I know what I write on forums like this one, I know what I’ve written in my journals, and how I’ve analyzed all of my feelings inside my head. But it feels like I’m straight or at least bisexual leaning to men in real life, and only gay inside my head and on the internet? I guess that means there’s some cognitive dissonance somewhere in my head but I don’t know where or what it is. I’m just very confused! I know that I will probably keep seeing the girl I went out with tonight though. Maybe I just need to keep getting to know her to feel a connection.
Hey I'm sorry you are struggling. What make you think you were gay to begin with? I am not saying you are gay or straight or bisexual but it is true that sometimes you have to give feelings a while to develop, not that they will develop for every girl/guy you go on a date with. I know for me, I need to get to know someone first before I can feel that for someone. Do you think maybe you are finding the first dates boring because in your mind you were expecting fireworks etc?
Well I originally thought I was gay because there was a girl in my class in college that I totally fell for and I just hadn’t felt that way about boys before, although it wasn’t really nothing that I felt for boys. I’m still talking to this last girl I went out with so maybe in time I’ll realize that I do really like her, but I know that in the past when I dated boys, it seems like it was easier to feel more excited about going out with them than it has been with girls. I just don’t know what that means. If I was really gay, wouldn’t I be way more excited to go out with girls? I think I definitely thought I would feel more fireworks once I finally let myself start dating girls.
I think you are actually pretty normal. I identify as gay but also struggled with labeling myself for a while, (I remember sometimes being excited about (the idea of) guys) and while I am pretty positive I am gay or at the very least much more likely to end up with a woman than a man. I would say that 90% of the dates I go on are pretty un exciting. At best I have very good convo and the girls are nice but I very rarely feel a spark or get excited about someone. I guess that’s the point though? If everyone was exciting it wouldn’t be exciting? I find dates from app much less likely to lead to a spark for me than meeting a woman in a natural settings so I can totally relate to you. I don’t think there is anything wrong with what you are experiencing nor anything telling regarding your sexuality. You may want to go on dates with men to compare but personally I would just stick to going on dates with whomever you feel like going on date with and see how it goes without expectations. It’s usually the girls I had the least expectations for that works the best.
Well you dont have to not date boys if they still catch your eye. You dont have to figure things out immediately.
