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My best friend kissed me and now ..

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by alison123, Oct 12, 2019.

  1. alison123

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    Hi everybody, apologies in advance for my bad english. I didn't know where to share this, hope is ok.
    The thing is, 3 months ago my best friend confessed to me she had a huge crush on me 3 years ago, around the time we met for the first time. She kept it to herself and didnt say anything for months. Well so, she confessed this to me and I was very surprised. I am bisexual but not very open about it, she is bi as well but recently she has been dating girls only.
    Two weeks ago she said "lets Kiss!" literally and I hesitated but then agreed, so we kissed and it was not the best kiss in history, let me tell you that. So the next day we were ok, but then I was ruminating a lot about it and I didn't know what happened to me, I felt confused. So, yesterday we talked about it and apparently she doesn't feel anything for me she just thought it was gonna be fun. I'm mad and now I think I am the one who has feelings. I don't know what to do. I just feel she was so cold about it. After that kiss, as awkward as it was I think it made me realize a lot. She is my best friend, we have great conection and so much fun, we care so much about each other but now I'm thinking what if I am in love with her, that scares me because she does not feel the same and at the same time if I'm honest I feel a bit used.
    For what is worth I am 32 yo, not very experienced with girls, all my life I dated mostly guys, just once I dated a girl.
    I will appreciate your comments.
    Alison
     
  2. MsAnchor

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    Its going to be hard to take it from frirndhsip to a relationship without some stumbles, youre used to frirndhsip dynamics for the past three yeard and now moving it to relationship will be a transition. Don't rush things and take it easy or else it will overhwelm both of you, at least it's someone you know well and can trust to express yourself.
    Have a long heart to heart about where it can go and the pace you d like to go about it starting off with starting to date, go on a proper date to see each other through new eyes and you ll be able to see things more clearly
     
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  3. alison123

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    Thank you so much for your reply, yes, it's gonna be hard, mostly because we are not on the same page. She seems to be so cool about this, I'm freaking out.
     
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey Alison welcome to EC.

    It is a difficult situation when you are trying to figure out how you feel and negotiate the friendship. What do you think made your friend tell you about the crush at that point? When she told you about her crush, how did you respond?

    Try not to worry, you will figure out how you feel.
     
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  5. alison123

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    Hey! thank you for the warm welcome


    She said she waited all this time because she thought I would freak out If I knew she had a crush on me, she wanted to make a move but was afraid I would reject her and be weird about it. So now -in her own words- she felt our friendship was strong enough for her to confess. But the thing is she HAD a crush on me, not in the present, lol. I don't get. That is why the kiss does not make sense to me.
    When she told me about her crush I was very surprised, but it was cool, it was a normal conversation. Somehow, we didn't see each other for almost 2 months, next thing I know is she is dating a girl and very into her, apparently.
    So when we kissed it was out of the blue, after that she acted like nothing happened, we had a talk because I'm messed up. I have feelings for her and don't know what to do.
     
  6. silverhalo

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    Well obviously only she knows for sure but I have to say my first thought was that potentially she still likes you. It is possible that she still likes you but didnt want to put it like that in case you reacted badly.
    What would you like to do now?
     
  7. alison123

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    I'm not sure, I'm sad and full of regret. She texted me saying she cares about me, asked me not to walk away. I don't want to lose my friend. She wants to act like we normally do, but how can I? I really don't get her. The thing is I don't think everything can go back to normal with these feelings (mine) in the middle. I need time to figure it out.
     
  8. silverhalo

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    If she did have feelings for you would you want to give it a go?
     
  9. alison123

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    Yes, I would. Things are weird right now, tho.
     
  10. silverhalo

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    Maybe you should just be honest with her. Tell her you like her but if she doesnt feel the same way now thats fine you will respect her and you would like to stay friends.
     
  11. alison123

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    I know, I actually have been very honest, it's just that I'm not ready yet to talk to her again. Also, lately I've been reading a lot about queer theory, things mke more sense now.
     
  12. Hope4love

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    you could tell her that you need more alone time to figure it out
     
  13. silverhalo

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    Is that because you havent figured it out yourself yet?
     
  14. alison123

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    Hi, yes. She wants to talk and fix this, but we have talked so much and nothing changed. It's better if we give it time.


    Absolutely, I mean I'm sure about some things but not about everything.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    I know you said you have already talked to her but you havent told her about your feelings have you?
     
  16. alison123

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    I did, I told her "I like you I have feelings for you" and she said I might me confused :laughing::upside_down:
     
  17. silverhalo

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    Oh so she didnt believe you?
     
  18. alison123

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    I guess it's easier for her to say that I'm confused instead of acknowledging what I mean.
    You know, I'm so frustrated I wanna go back to where we were. She acts so cool like she couldn't be bothered and that makes me feel so anxious, like who is this person? Like, is this my fault? Am I overreacting? Am I being gaslighted? I'm not sure of anything anymore.
     
  19. silverhalo

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    Well the only way you might know I think is by talking to her.
     
  20. alison123

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    Thank you Silver and everybody for you kind words.
    It's been almost 2 months since the first incident, it feels so long ago. Well, you know what happened? we went out, had dinner then went to her place, the usual, as FRIENDS nothing romantic about it just hanging out like before. This was 3 weeks ago, well during the evening we were having fun, talking, joking, we had a lot to catch up. We were talking about friends, people and she was telling me about this girl she's dating. And then she made this horrible comment where she compared me to her gf, about my social skills (I recently discovered I might be Asperger, she knows it, we have talked about it, she knows it's huge and a whole new deal for me). I was so so incredibly hurt I told her to stop, went to the bathroom since I was upset so I can calm down and when I came back she apologised. She said she didn't mean to say what she said, I was in tears I couldnt believe her, wtf. So I left, and we haven't seen each other since then. Ha. She has texted me, said she wants to talk about it, fix it etc etc. I'm so over her ass. I'm tired. Who is the person? I think I'm dealing with a narcisist, I don't want to see her again, not soon at least, I love her she is my best friend but she said something so cruel to me. Is she pushing me away in a pasive- agressive way?