I've been here for a bit and I've posted a lot before, especially when I was in a panic about these new feelings and didn't know where to turn. Long story short, I've always had feelings for both sexes and over the years I tend to go up and down on the kinsey scale. Lately though and after the birth of my son, I have really been thinking about things and feeling more like a kinsey 4 or 5. I am in a 16 year relationship with my husband and have 3 kids together. I'm finally in the position where our baby is old enough that I can leave him with someone else for a bit and get some proper therapy. My feelings for women have grown so much over the past year that I feel extremely disconnected from my husband. My husband knows I am bi but doesn't know how bad things have gotten, I can't tell him yet because I am also in a bad spot with guilt, depression etc and he needs to be the stable parent. I'm really scared also because I feel disconnected from my kids as well. It's like I suddenly don't know/want to be a parent anymore. I feel like my whole family is holding me back from being happy and I'm trapped here, I feel horrible saying these things. I used to be so happy with my life and a great mom. I also feel disconnected from my job, basically I feel like I don't want anything to do with my old life. I've read that this is normal when coming out sometimes, I was just wondering how to navigate these feelings especially when I'm dealing with children who need a stable mother.
Hey I am sorry you are having such a hard time. It sounds like you are doing absolutely the right thing by seeking some professional therapy. When you are having low moments everything always seems so much worse, so I am sure with therapy the relationship with your children at the very least will come back to you. I guess the relationship with your husband will depend on what comes out of therapy but it doesnt mean there wont be a happy ending, whatever that might look like.
I'm sorry to hear for this difficult situation. I know i do not have any right to say anything for you to decide but only you can and that it is great of you seeking help or therapy, it will help a lot to lighten the situation and to the kids as well. I cannot imagine how hard you feel about it when you finally starting to feel what you really want but at the the same time it is hard when you feel somebody's gonna get hurt in return or along the way of transition. I do wish for you to have a best possible outcome whatever it might be after all this . Hopefully they will understand and accept in time .
I think you are trying to deal with acknowledging your true sexuality finally. This is not an easy task to face alone. Find a LGBTQ skilled counselor who can help you sort out your conflicting feelings. There is always a path through the forest but at times it is not obvious.
I just want to say that you’re not alone in your feelings. I’ve been struggling with motherhood and work since I realized I was gay too. I’m doing a bit better lately, but I still have a hard time connecting with my child and I feel like I’m failing as a parent. My therapist and girlfriend keep reassuring me that I’m doing ok and that this is normal with all of the changes. Just thought I’d share in case it helps you feel better to know that you aren’t the only one who feels like this.
Hello Butterfly6, I have also strugled with depression, feeling disconected from everything. A unfulfiled sexuality can be a cause for It. You're already in therapy, which is great! Are there activities that you find pleasure in? Exercising? Meditating? Dancing? Maybe focus on yourself, where you can find pleasure, so you can get to your better self. When you get there, the strength you need for everything else Will come. Lots of love!
Thanks for the replies. I've been holding back lately on being affectionate with my husband because I feel so guilty. I also find when I'm distracted, my feelings for guys return. I live a really really confusing life of back and forths. I would have to have a woman in my life or keep reminding myself of my feelings for women which will cut off my feelings for men. I've tried concentrating on other things and everytime I do and I think about women it becomes a burning feeling (like I've repressed it again) and its bubbling over. Even if I stop thinking about it for a day...I just feel crazy all the time.
I am sure that the feelings will settle down but it might take some time. This is definitely something therapy can help you with.
