Will they be angry that I didn't tell them sooner?

It's one perspective i suppose, but i think it's unlikely.

What is more likely is that those close to you know already and don't care if you're out with them or not. If they love you then that's it, they'll accept you however, and probably they'll have worked out for themselves already. It might be kindest to yourself to come out to them, but it's for you and you alone to decide. It's really no one elses business.

No one has a right to be pissed off for not being told someone is gay or not. If any of my friends or family had tried to pull that crap i'd have read them the riot act. Whoever this person you were speaking to was i'd question every and anything they said.

 

All the hard talks I've had, about being gay or in general, nobody's ever been mad I waited to tell them. At most I think people feel a little hurt and will self reflection on why they weren't seen as an ally

 

I dont think so at all. I mean everyone is allowed their own opinion on it but for me, its your information and you only have to share it with people you want to. Perhaps if you were lying all the time it might be different but I am sure you will tell them when the time is right.

 

I hate lying - usually the kind that's motivated by a compulsive need to control another person and condition them strip their boundaries head to toe on command - but situations like yours are nothing like this, so no worries.

 

To be honest, I did get this reaction from my mom and a little bit from my sister. It wasn't exactly an intense anger but my mom said to me "the fact that you didn't tell me sooner makes me feel like a horrible mother" She was partially mad because - after I cut my hair short, I had posted a picture on facebook that was pretty obviously "gay" before telling her. With my sister, she was mad that I had told some of my friends before I told her. After these initial reactions we talked it out a little more and I explained why they were not correct.

They are accepting of me, and their initial reactions definitely seemed like @HM03 post above where they felt like they had failed as my family members because I hadn't told them sooner. That wasn't the case though, it's just that it took me a long time to figure everything out. It was disappointing but ultimately not a big deal and I don't hold it against them.

I have come out to tons of friends and family at this point and have only gotten that reaction those 2 times though, so I wouldn't say it's common. Also, in my opinion, the person who said you were "deceiving" your loved ones was out of line. Come out when YOU are ready and not before.

 

Coming out isn't about them. It's about you and when you feel comfortable. Most people accept that and won't hold it against you, except to the extent they regret not having had a chance to be more supportive.

I think if you're at the stage you worry about the negative response of not coming out, then I think it's probably a good idea to start planning how to tell them, unless you have a really compelling reason that would cause you harm.

 

The one person I’ve had complain about being told relatively late is also the one person who responded in a homophobic way. My friends who were actually supportive didn’t care what order they were told because this isn’t about them. I actually feel like I told that person sooner than I should have, but let myself get guilt tripped into telling them when in reality, they were going to react badly no matter when I told them.