Okay! I shall keep it short and to the point so I don’t take too much of your time. This is written by a friend who is on the same “gender questioner boat” as me. I’m just as confused as they are and I don’t know how to help them. Maybe you can? “I have been questioning my gender for a long time. even before I knew what transgender was. I don’t feel comfortable as a girl and have struggled time after time. Sometimes I don’t mind it, sometimes I forget about it and other times I really dislike it. Most of all I hate how others perceive me as a girl, it makes me feel uncomfortable and I’ve become obsessed with it. After years of this I have been considering myself to be trans but...am I? I don’t want to medically transition (scary) but I do want to naturally transition. Lose weight for breasts, start muscle training, clothes, cut my hair etc. I don’t yearn for a penis but I do like penetration. I like being called a boy in bed sexually. I wouldn’t fit being a manly guy as I am feminine looking which thankfully I love. It fits my personality. I just don’t want it to be seen as female. I hear lots of Female to Male trans guys re define what it really means to be transgender. “a trans man can like his vagina for sex” “trans men can like their own natural voice” I know I’ll never pass but most importantly I want to pass for myself. even if no one understands it, all that matters to me is to feel comfortable with myself... So what is Trans and what isn’t????? It’s been super confusing for me and my friend. Is being a trans male just about completely passing, wanting a dick, having a low voice, being hairy etc or can it be something else? ” Thank you. We would love to hear your take on this! xx
I wish it was as simple as being able to offer you a checklist of “If you’ve experienced x, y, and z, you’re definitely trans, otherwise you’re definitely cis”, but in my experience, it really doesn’t work that way. I tend to be of the opinion that what makes you a man (or a woman, or a nonbinary person) is just that you feel like that’s what you are, regardless of whether or not you fit any specific definition. That said, if you feel drawn to the notion that you might be trans, then it’s probably worth exploring, even if you don’t feel like you fit the most common narrative of trans-ness. When I was first starting to question my gender, I kept a journal of my gender-related feelings each day and asked friends to use different pronouns and gendered language for me. From that, I eventually found the terms that feel comfortable for me. You might also be able to learn from experimenting with your appearance if it’s safe for you to do so.
