Hi everyone. I've been feeling kind of unhappy the last few years. I discovered 7 years ago that i'm bisexual. I fell in love with a girl so hard that i could not think of being with anyone else. But she turned me down so after some time and once i slowly got over it i met a guy and we fell in love. We've been together for 6 years, i love him very much and he asked me to marry him. I said yes... But here's the thing.. i never got the chance to have sexual relationship with a girl and this kind of makes me feel.. incomplete. My boyfriend knows everything about me and i have shared with him my concerns. After a lot of discussing, he basically told me that it would be ok to do it since this would help me find myself. But i still see this as cheating and i couldn't live in peace if i did that. What if i do it and like it more? My world would come upside down and i would feel like betraying him. I met a girl lately and i like her very much.. i get vibes that she likes me too and i'm really tempted to approach her. I'm really torn and i don't know what to do. Do any of you guys ever experienced such situation? And what did you do?
I was a husband in a scenario like this. My wife at the time had met a girl and wanted to see. She had always told me from the beginning she was Bisexual as did I. I too told her to go ahead and experience what she felt she was missing. After she had told me she did, it he dynamic changed in our relationship and me being me I wasn’t mad at her or anything. She was truly happy and in love with her. We divorced about a year later. And she has been with the same woman ever since. She really did find herself and true love. If only we could all be so lucky.
Daenerys, There are so many stories of folks who go for years in a marriage and then suddenly, wham!, the bisexual part comes roaring back. Much better to figure things out now, before you have your marriage, especially as your boyfriend has ok’d it.
I’m no relationship expert but something you said really stood out to me... It doesn’t matter how much “permission” your partner gives you... you gotta figure out how to explore this in a way that will work for you. It maybe that you do explore things in this current relationship. I would just say make sure I figured out why I feel uncomfortable acting on this even if he says he doesn’t mind and make sure I resolve that first. Just a side thought...
Honestly, you're not missing out on anything with a girl. I was with a girl once, it's nothing to write home about. A vagina feels the exact same as an anus. But the decision is ultimately up to you if you want to like, hire a sex worker and get it out of your system, if you live in a place where sex work is decriminalized.
I was one of those bisexuals who never experienced what is was like to have a same sex experience. After a 35 year relationship my wife and I opened the marriage to allow me this opportunity. I'll call it like it is. I have a wife and a boyfriend and it is incredible. BUT, it would not have worked when my marriage was young. It took time to build the trust. We are each different. I'm Glad I waited till now to experience this. I'm glad I had a 35 year monogamous relationship. I am certain that my wife and I would never have made this work 30 years ago. Your boyfriend is great in understanding how you feel. But, the woman may not feel the same and it can get complicated fast and you may find yourself needing to choose one. Be really careful.
I like your story, wish I have the similar story like you but I am not. For Daenerys, Please make sure which one do you like in your life, with girl or with your husband. We have similar situation but until now I still with my wife because i live in East culture not like you in West culture. Honestly, I am more gay than straight so I feel comfortable with a man than woman Why I still with my wife because I am waiting for the best time to deliver my wife to the best situation and conditions where she accepts me as who I am. But I have a plan for myself when I get older that one day I need to find my true love and I feel my true love is in a good man. Hope one day I will find it, and for you please think twice which one the best for you.
I really thank you all for your response. It feels a lot better to know that there are people who understand how i feel. Until now i thought i'm one of the few that can't get things in order..
Daenerys you are not alone. I've tried to hid my sexuality and lived the straight life. Did what I was suppose to got married had kids. Now after 19 years of marriage I've finally come out to myself. Looking back I wish I took a different path because there is a lot of hurt feeling and emotions I will be dealing with. I think the biggest advice I could give you is to be honest now. It really sucks hiding
I'm glad you are feeling a bit better, it is a really difficult situation to be in and I am not sure that there is a right and wrong answer, you just have to try and figure out exactly what you want.
I don't think I should give any advice, but I want to share my experience. Some 35 years ago I was in a monogamous, hetero relationship with a woman. I cheated and spent a night with a guy and had sex with him. That was the one and only time in my life that I've had gay sex. I'm really glad I had that experience because it cleared any doubt and helped me to understand myself. My best wishes go to you. Good luck!
Explore now before you get married. Be honest with all parties involved. Don’t get caught having to hide yourself. I was married for 20 years and then left my husband for a woman. It has been agonizing.
What ever happens be who you are and make sure you are doing what is best for you. No one knows you like you do.
