Okay, so there is this girl that I like a lot and we have been hanging out and it's great. I just don't know how she feel about me or if she likes girls or not. I really like her and don't want to lose her as a friend because I think she is really really cool. I'm just finding myself thinking about her too much and I don't want to build it up in my head. I want to get over this crush on her because it could very likely not be reciprocated! I know she likes me and thinks i'm cute and cool and stuff, but not sure if she likes me in that way. A lot of straight girls seem to feel that way about me so I'm not jumping to any conclusions!! I don't want to ask her anything. I don't want to push anything. I like her a lot and would love to keep her as a friend. I really enjoy her company. IF something more is meant to happen between us I have faith it will happen naturally so I don't want to push anything. I just want to know how to stop thinking about her and get over the crush! A lot of things I find online say to stop hanging out with them and stuff, but we are friends! I don't want to stop hanging out with her! I just want my feelings to suppress! I don't want to ruin anything! Any advice would be helpful.
If you don't want to stop hanging out, I'd recommend spending time with, talking with, and flirting with ladies who are available and gay. Get crushes on other girls and place your thoughts, excitement, and affection there.
Yeah, that's probably a good idea. I guess my problem is that I don't do that, but I should be brave and start looking for actual, available, queer women.
Looking for available women is great advice. I think also just trying to keep yourself grounded and try and keep your mind occupied with other things.
Oh yeah! I definitely can do that! Yeah, I start feeling like i'm thinking too much about her when I am not occupied. But, when I'm working on my own stuff like the gym and other hobbies I feel much better. I feel like I get caught up too much in a fantasy and I need to focus more on fantasies about my own personal goals.
Well there is nothing wrong with a little daydream from time to time. Time is such a great healer, the only downside is its cant be rushed. Finding some projects is a good idea though.
I agree with others that diversions and seeking out other relationships can definitely help. No relationship can meet your every need including this one, so if you can find other people to invest in that kind of helps spread out your attention and affection so you don’t have quite some much flowing in this one direction (if that makes sense). I was recently in a similar situation and I just had to pull back somewhat. That didn’t mean leaving the friendship and that didn’t mean being rude. But it did mean putting up some boundaries for myself around how often I communicated with the person. When I thought about initiating some kind of conversation I would force myself to wait. Sometimes the need would fade from there, or I would find someone else to talk to or I’d realize that conversation wasn’t as important as I thought at the time. In my infatuation my brain seemed like it was programmed to default to this person. After just a week or two of that i found I was able to get back to a much healthier balance in my communication with her. Now I am also curious about your statement about if something is meant to be it will happen naturally. Does this person know your orientation? If not, I’m not sure how naturally anything could transpire. At some point a relationship does take a little initiative. Don’t know if this is the case here but another part of me wants to make sure you don’t miss out because of fear
I have the same question as KJ. Does she know you’re into women? Are you both single? I totally get not wanting to be infatuated with someone unattainable, but do you know that’s the case?
Yeah! That is EXACTLY how I am feeling!! Like "...my brain seemed like it was programmed to default to this person". Yes, that's totally what I've been feeling!
Yes, to answer you both. Here is the thing. I have never come out saying my orientation, but I feel like she knows? I also have other issues like I don't know why I feel afraid she will not want to be my friend if it was confirmed I am a lesbian? (I still have issues that I have to work out with therapy). The reason I was feeling like something could happen was because the way our friendship started felt a bit magnetic and fast. I felt like she was into me, she even in passing called me cute (not my clothes or an accessory it was just ME she called cute) and she payed a lot of attention to me BUT I really have nothing that has proven she is into women. And I feel like she also is just looking for friendship? She is not reciprocating when I try to get a bit flirty. So I don't know? Now that a bit of time has passed I am really okay with keeping her friendship. I am beginning to slowly let go. I just enjoy her company and conversation.
