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Am I bisexual or bicurious or a lesbian?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by July4th, Sep 17, 2019.

  1. July4th

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    Hi! I am new here.. I have recently been thinking a lot about my sexuality. Honestly having a label for others doesn't matter to me so much as just wanting to KNOW for myself. Kwim?

    Also, I am married so I am not even sure exploring to find out would be an option. Hence why I am asking here..

    Ever since I was about 10 years old I remember having "crushes" on boys. But by that just that I thought he was cute or funny whatever. As a became a teenager, I imagined myself having a boyfriend but was very shy socially/romantically. I maybe had about 5 very short "relationships" if you could call them that, that had mostly just little kisses here and there. I was just so awkward. I also wondered if this has happened to anyone else.. but most of my teenage boyfriends are gay now?

    Around this time, as a teen I also discovered unsupervised internet and a stash of hidden playboys. I found myself really sexually attracted to the women. I didn't even get that at the time, though. But even out in the world, I would be noticing how pretty girls were or what good shape they were in. Or checking them out as they went by.. But never thought I want to date a girl, etc.

    Anyway, in college and my 20's I had more serious relationships. I have had sex with men only and I like some aspects but others I am like.. meh. I am also so self-conscious about myself so that is how I justify that. But, I also don't find much appealing about a man's body. I wondered if other women felt this way? Like I can see a man is handsome but I don't look at a picture of a man's body and think "I want that." Or "sexy".

    My husband is the only person (besides myself) who has ever given me an orgasm. But I have also heard that many women don't have them from sex.

    I also found myself thinking/fantasizing a lot about women. Women I met in my life.. actresses on TV, etc. I had an obsession with Olivia Benson from Law and Order SVU. And I was just so fully into it, every single part of her was it for me. But obviously she is a TV character. But I never really pursued dating with women because I was probably in denial and I felt like I wanted an actual relationship with men only.. but I just find women what I like to look at/think about sexually.
    So I just wondered if other bisexual or lesbian women had similar feelings? Or am I just a weirdo? Thanks for reading..
     
  2. Kmermaid00

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    Definitely not a weirdo. I had always considered myself bisexual even though I had a very brief sexual encounter with a woman. I was heavily pressured by all the guys watching and I stopped. I always thought of women during any sexual times with my now ex-husband. It wasn't til I became psychotic(long story) and left him to be with a woman that people called me a lesbian although I didn't really identify as that. Even thought I have only been with two women, one that I actually count, I consider myself simply LGBT.
     
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  3. Cind Ace

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    hey kmermaid00,
    You're definitely not a weirdo. For me i had past relationships with 2 men didn't really think of labeling me being just bi then coz now even i married my first woman i loved and now shes my wife & at that point it was an awakening moment where i know myself better after those experiences that i was blocked by all those hetero norm i grew up from , religious or societal it restricted me to be free & out back then.I believe we all will somehow reach to that point where we truly belong on whatever makes us happier.Undeniably we are i thiink magnetic to whoever that makes us full or alive whichever sex either way we can openly love, regardless of labels now as you said it is good to be on LGBT.
     
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  4. silverhalo

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    Hey I know the others have mentioned it but I just wanted to also add in my own definitely not a weirdo. I always thought I was straight until I was in my mid 20's. I thought I had crushes on men and everything but never actually had a boyfriend. Then one day whilst watching a tv program with a lesbian storyline, I had a moment where I suddenly though, 'I am enjoying this more than the average straight girl'. I am not sure this is that helpful in you figuring out your own sexuality but you certainly aren't alone in your thoughts and confusion.
     
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  5. July4th

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    Thanks.. I guess it is really unique to each person. If I think about it.. which I have been quite a bit lately.. I find myself wanting the attention/relationships from men (before I was married). But, when I think about men's bodies and sex it is not appealing to me. But, women I find very sexy and beautiful. I don't know that I could see myself in a relationship with a woman though. So I never felt truly ready to pursue that part of myself.. but now that I have gotten older/more accepting of myself I possibly could now. But again, I couldn't see myself getting divorced. Thanks for reading/listening..
     
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  6. silverhalo

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    No problem. Sometimes writing your thoughts out with other people can help clarify them, even though the other person/people don't have the magic answer.
    If you could date one person right now (just forgetting the marriage thing for a minute) who would that be?
     
  7. Shell87

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    Hi,
    I was unsure how I felt much like you for around 4 years. I was confused if I just found women pretty or seriously hot lol. If I had built it up in my head or if it was real.
    Then one day I opened my door to a very attractive female postal worker. I had lost the ability to speak ha ha! Even though I had questioned this for a long time it just hit me in the face.
    I never saw myself having actual relationships with women. It wasn't until after this point of opening up my mind that everything started to flow in. I then developed major celeb crushes and around 6 months later was dating a woman.
     
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  8. SoulSearch

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    Are you happy with your husband? Does he fulfill you emotionally and sexually? If so, I’d go with bi/pan if you feel you need a label, and concentrate on nurturing your relationship with him. Maybe re-examine things in a few months and see if you’re happy in your relationship.

    I was married to a man for 20 years. He was my best friend and a good person, but there was very little sexual satisfaction. Most of the time sex was a chore for me and I did it for his pleasure, not my own. I had always enjoyed looking at women and had a few crushes that I mostly ignored. A few years ago I met a lesbian woman and fell hard and fast for her. I’m now divorced and in a committed relationship with her. I love touching her and kissing her and having sex with her. I consistently have orgasms, which was not the case before. I can’t get enough of her. We have an emotional connection as well as a physical one.

    It is also really hard. I love my girlfriend, but I miss my ex-husband every day. Our life together was easy, comfortable, while my life with my girlfriend is complicated and emotionally charged. Sometimes I wonder if I chose the right path.

    I’m clearly not straight. Right now I use the lesbian label, though I suspect pansexual might be more accurate as my attractions are very personality/emotionally based.

    I guess my advice is that if you have a good marriage and feel you are compatible sexually, don’t lose sight of it worrying about labels. If something is missing, then it’s worth examining.
     
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  9. Cind Ace

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    Yeah i totally agree with you , it is unique to each person. I had past relationship with men too before I came out . Though it was short but it was also genuine how we were but only lacking those important elements like the intimacy or i find myself more drawn attracted to same sex than men. I know it is not that easy to just let yourself be all out and divorce someone , i cant imagine how hard that must that feel to not hurt anyone while at the same time you're figuring out yourself.
     
  10. Cashew

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    I feel like reading this thread, that so many of us women everywhere actually have very similar experiences in suppressing our sexuality because of the worlds we grow up in.
    I identify as lesbian and have had a very similar experience to what you have described @July4th regarding men before I came out. It took me a long time to realise that I do not find men physically very attractive and to allow myself to explore my sexual feelings towards women.
    So I say, open yourself up to those feelings you have. If you were a man 9 times out of 10 you would not suppress it. You only live once!
     
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