Can you be closeted for life but still happy?

I don't think anyone can answer this question. Your ability to move on with your life and find happiness in it while being closeted depends upon how you will feel about it. Most people come out of the closet when being closeted becomes intolerable. If you are not at that point, then I suppose you can continue to stay closeted. Unfortunately, we don't really know how we will feel many years from now about a choice that's made today.

 

I can only tell you that my personal experience with this- and I asked the exact same question- was no. Hiding such a big part of who I am, trying to act so contrary to my inclinations, basically faking it all the time; I wasn't happy. I struggle with depression anyways but it was far worse. It almost instantly improved when I came out. I'm not saying it can never be done, but I think it's rare.

That being said I don't want to encourage you to do anything that could endanger your safety. Postponing coming out because it isn't the right time is a different thing then making a conscious decision to hide who you are for the rest of your life. Is moving to a safer area an option? You're still young...you have time to make changes or decisions that might put you in a place to make a different decision, if you want.

 

As the above poster said I'm not sure anyone can know.
Staying closeted is something that I wouldn't generally advise for long term happiness but if your situation could be dangerous then sometimes it can be the right decision.

 

Staying closeted tends to have different effects based on the person so I would say that if you’re fine with it then do it. There really isn’t a need to.

 

Kind of i think. If you can find furfillment in other ways and dont have a desire to engage in sexual encounters with the same sex.
I thought i could do it, and decided to do it at 17. Im 23 now, engaged, 2 kids and im not so sure i can live with the secret indefinatly.
But although ive always known, hiding it and living the typical life worked u til very recently. I think your mind needs ti be occupied all the time. Im now a full time mum for the next 18 months so i imagine its going to become progressivly harder to ignore.

 

I know I cannot stay in the closet forever. The desire to come out is becoming overwhelming and I think about it every day. I will go crazy if I do not come out. I know every time I see a gay couple I get the feeling that this is what I want my life to be. I usually start a conversation with them asking how long they have been together and go from there. It is really a great feeling when you tell someone you don't know that you are gay. Now all I have to do is apply this to the people I do know. Much easier said than done.

 

I once thought like you;

However, I wouldn't recommend it. It will be a long and lonely road; I know I spent 38 years trying it. The older you get the tougher it will get to keep it secret. There is very good advice posted here consider it all carefully. Your situation is unique to you; and as

he is right. Only you can decide these things. You have made a wise choice in talking to others about your challenges. This site has good information everywhere you look; I hope you can find the answers you're looking for.

 

Personally it wasn't for me, came out last year at 42. It was explosive because I had a wife and kids. But relationships are now on the mend and we are all ok. I live elsewhere now but support my kids and ex wife as much as I can.

 

After meeting my BF I felt it was impossible to stay in the closet. I got to know other gay couples before coming out and all I could think about was I wanted to be them.i wanted to openly be with my BF without shame or guilt. I truly wanted the world to know we are a loving couple, two men not afraid to be gay. It took awhile but I got there! Best decision ever.

 

You're bi so you can date women and you're not being disingenuous. A lot more people are bi than we ever know so you have a lot of company. If you get into a relationship with a woman who really cares about you, is trustworthy and you want to tell her you're bi, that's cool. Most of the responses are from gay people who live in safer places so keep in mind it's different than your case. You can stay single, but maybe you'll want a relationship someday and then you can date women and see how it goes. Maybe you won't like relationships, but can still have other social connections and have a good life. Best wishes!

 

I guess it depends on the person and perhaps where they are on the spectrum. Obviously if you're somewhere where it is a serious safety concern, then your safety is your number one priority.

I can only speak from personal experience, but coming out is single-handedly the best thing I've done for my mental health.

 

Hey you. It can be so hard not to ever come out though it can be so lonely and depriving yourself for being happy and free for forever is not something we wish for ourselves but then again when talking about your security where you come from is making it more difficult to express how much more to come out.
Always mind precautions with you and be careful.
It is nobody's business whether you come out or not ,unless youre only ready in your time.
It is okay to speak to someone you closest to or you trusted the most so you could vent your feelings and not be frustrated mentally.

 

I echo a lot of the other response. I've been living in the closet for 46 years and find it so depressing. I wish I could come out but have family issues to deal with. Personally, I think someday I will have to come out. Good luck

 

That psychologist was wrong.

Being gay was a mental illness 100 years ago.

You like who you like.

As for your question, maybe but a lot of people would find that very limiting. Live your life for you.

 

Hi CJMiller,
I hope you can resolve your issues soon, and I hope you can come out as well. you'll find it a great relief, and maybe that depression will fade away. Just keep reading around on this site you'll find answers to a lot of the questions you have. Then maybe you'll feel comfortable and empty that closet you're living in. Fair winds and following seas

 

Hey Cjmiller,
I hope for all the best for you . I can't imagine how hard you feeling just to go out there and be out but constantly thinking bout your family as well.
I came out later than i planned because of cultural,religious, societal and family issues as well and it was the hardest thing i did but I know I had to and be free . I didn't get all the positive supports on which i knew from the beginning but eventually some came around and my family acccpeted and respected me . I know when its the right time to come out in your own terms they will eventually come around cjmiller. It will be hard but they will understand that your happiness is important too. Wish you the best!

 

Thanks, Evgeny. I think I know where this path will take me. I can't deny who I am my entire life. I know this will hurt a lot of people which is why I'm hiding but at some point I need to come clean