I know it sounds a bit ridiculous to be asking about this, but I wanted to get different opinions. Almost everybody has told me that college is the time to come out and start dating, but it's been three years since I've started and I'm still on the fence about it. I guess what I'm trying to decide is whether I should start thinking about dating or just wait until after college. Putting aside the fact that I'm closeted, I originally told myself when I started college that I didn't have time for a relationship. Most of my day and evenings are spent in classes and trying to keep up with work. I wish I could stick with that idea, but recently I met a nice guy and talking with him brought back a lot of weird feelings. Suddenly I feel very lonely even though I've got plenty of work to do. I hate it because I don't even know if a relationship would work with him. He graduates a year earlier than I do and I don't even know if he would be interested. I keep telling myself that but my mind won't let it go. What do you guys think? I know it's a silly crush, but it has made for an interesting debate. Do you think it's worth trying to pursue a relationship or should I still focus entirely on my academic work?
It's up to you =) At college the bottom line is passing and getting the grades you need to get on with your career when you graduate. I'd say if you can manage to do this by using say 70% of your time on studying, living etc then you can do whatever you like with the other 30% or so of your time. Really what I'm trying to say is that if you think you can get the basics done for your everyday living and your future like shopping, studying etc with time to spare then use your free time for whatever you like! This can include pursuing relationships (= If you're not ready though, or if you're worried you'll be too distracted from your work before you graduate then maybe you should have a think about things and be cautious. There's plenty of time after college to date. But you also deserve some fun and happiness in your life. You're not in prison, and most people in college as far as I know have at least a little free time. Whatever you choose there's no wrong option, as long as you feel like you can fit your decision in among your other commitments. And if you try a relationship and it becomes too stressful, you can end it at any time. And if you don't, you can safely say there'll be plenty of time after college to meet new people. Or maybe you could even try and befriend this person, find out more about them, send out some feelers as to how you two get along together. Even if you don't have a relationship with him now you might be able to have one in the future. And I know it sounds callous but if you don't and he slips away, there will be other people you'll meet and develop feelings for in your life. There'll be more chances. I think what I'm trying to say is there's no wrong answer per se, just pick the option you think you can handle best at this time in your life. If you go with your heart but listen to your mind, you should be fine =)
When I was a junior in college, I told myself that I wasn't going to worry about dating anyone until after graduation. I had a full courseload, four jobs, and a volunteer position in a lab. And then, naturally, I reconnected with the woman who is now my wife. There is no right and wrong answer to this. If you don't want to date in college, you don't have to. If you like someone and you want to see where it goes, then find out. One thing I'd like you to consider is that there's always something. After graduation, it's finding a job. It's finding a place to live. It's working full-time to make ends meet. It's looking for the experience to get the career you want. Maybe college isn't the right time for you to date and that's okay, but will there be a right time?
First, let me just say that I didn't come out until right after college and it remains my number one regret in life--and I'm 48. That being said, I did date in college (women, what are you gonna do--they were different times). I think if you can swing it you should do it, especially if you haven't dated previously. College is probably the easiest place to date you'll ever encounter and frankly I think it's a mistake to give it a pass entirely. Plus, I have to say I've never had more free time at any point in my adult life than I did in college (and I worked a job and graduated summa). Later on, life is just so time consuming. Any way, only you know what's right for you but I'll put my vote in the date column.
I wish I could have dated (and come out) in college; though, ironically several of the friends I made ended up being gay themselves. I agree with others that as long as your studies are going well, there is no reason to start dating. College is also a great place to find likeminded people. Also, don't worry about how long a potential relationship may last; short term and long term ones are indistinguishable when they start.
