So i'm not like up on all the terms and general culture I guess of like anything LGBT+ But like maybe a year or so ago I realised I wasn't straight but sort of havent settled on a label or anything. Like people keep asking and trying to give me one, but w/e. So I've had one gay semi-relationship which ended badly I guess. But other than that i've been with girls. I think I like this guy who happens to be trans. But like what should i know? Should i know anything? Are their general do's and don'ts? like thinking about that sounds ridiculous but also like I'm probs gonna say something out of ignorance thats insulting or summit. I know everyones different yada yada yada. But are there general do's and donts? Mostly in what you say? Or ask? I feel like i'd have lots of questions but then realistically most of them wouldn't make a difference to me.
Asking about his genitals isn’t okay unless you are about to have sex. Also, don’t call him a woman, girl or anything like that (I figure he was assigned female at birth) and don’t treat him like a woman, e.g. suggesting to wear a dress, underlining his feminine traits both in personality and physically. The chances are, he enjoys being treated like a dude if he declares himself as such or transitioned to male. The attack helicopter is a no-go too.
Uhh thanks that's not quite what I meant. I know how to not be a dick lol. I just know some people have major no go's and wondered if there was a general consensus. My friends have told me stuff like not asking birth names, to be careful when commenting on appearance, not asking what stage of transitioning they're at just wondered if i'm there are less obvious things that can be problematic.
Hi there, I wonder if you are overthinking it a tad. There are certainly topics or things that would not be appropriate to ask, and they have been mentioned in the previous post, and your friends have also given you some pointers. Some of the things you have listed though might still come up in a conversation or on a date; I have had transgender friends who have talked about their birth name, the reason for their want or need to transition, and where they are at. The usual caution still goes: everybody is different, and has a different comfortable level when it comes to sharing things about themselves, in particular in the early stages of a friendship, or dating/relationship. Probably the best way to avoid an awkward moment, is to take their lead and cues from them. If you are an open person yourself, start by sharing information that allows them to learn about you, understand that you are willing to be their friend; with time, and if they feel comfortable, they will likely start to open up and the very information they share, will give you a good insight as to where the boundaries are (in addition to some of the topics mentioned not to ask).
Why don’t you ask your friend to tell you the do’s and don’ts? It’s a great conversation starter, they would be complimented that you care enough to ask, and you would learn.
