I know I'm probably the millionth person to post something like this but I'm feeling kind of down lately in my love life or lack there of. A quick backstory on me is that I'm 23 female and bi. Haven't come out to my family yet (they're pretty homophobic). I have never been in a relationship. I guess I may have dated a few people? Not sure what that even means anymore. I've never even been kissed though so I feel like it wasn't really dating idk. So, obviously never had sex either but that's not a priority for me just want a relationship and someone to love. I feel like I'm getting so old and still have not been with anyone. I do have crushes on people that I really wish I could be with. But the problem is I find myself more interested in girls than guys lately and while I can flirt with any guy I like, I totally freeze up with girls. I feel totally not confident around girls I like and like I'm just going to gross them out because they're not interested in me. I always think they might be flirting with me or giving me signs they're interested, but I'm always so unsure so I never do anything about it. I get so afraid that I actually don't talk to them at all and even avoid them/play 'hard to get.' Overall, I'm a super confident person, so this behavior is not like me. Only with girls I like I guess I'm looking for advice for talking with girls and getting over the fear of rejection so I can potentially start dating and hopefully someday find love. I just feel like I always fall for straight girls, or at least girls who claim to only be straight. It's heartbreaking. Starting to feel like there's nobody out there for me and I'm just destined to be alone Any advice from my fellow friends out there? Thank you in advance!
23 is not old, lol! You have plenty of time, but you'll have to do work because most people are straight. It can be too easy to fall for a nice straight girl. Do you know if the girls you interested are gay/bi? It may help to join some LGBT groups or bars/clubs. Also, try to come out to more friends and make LGBT friends because they may introduce you to others who are single and interested. Finally, avoid self-sabotage like avoidance or playing hard to get; sometimes acting like you're making a new friend can lower your fears.
Hey I know it can get you down and it is frustrating but honestly at 23 you really aren't old. I didnt have my first date or kiss until I was 27 and so I totally get how you feel but you will get there when the time is right, try not to beat yourself up about it. Would you like to date a girl?
I am 26 and newly out as lesbian , I found it hard for me to open up for dating girls too . I’d say keep a open heart and mind , and she will come to you .
Ok, you sound SO much like me! I'm 21, bi girl; I am attracted to guys and girls but I only really get strong romantic feelings for girls. I've never been in a real relationship either, and also never had sex. I have kissed a few people but that's it. I'm really embarrassed about my lack of experience. So I understand how you feel, however, we are still so young!! There will plenty of opportunities for you to find someone. I haven't experienced much of the good stuff, but I have experienced rejection so I can give you advice about that. As cliche as this sounds, I definitely grew from it. This past year, I was in love with a girl who also happened to be a good friend of mine. When I finally told her about my feelings after a while of hiding them for fear of rejection, she turned me down. If she had been rude about it, I would have felt like crap. However, she was as nice and respectful as could be...and spoiler alert - it still felt like crap lol. There's no point in trying to pretend it doesn't suck, it does, but just because one person does not return your interest doesn't mean you should be discouraged from trying again. Some people are gonna like you, and some people aren't, but you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there either way. It takes guts. That particular girl didn't see me as a potential partner, but other people have and will. Another thing - some women around our age might be late bloomers themselves if they're gay or bi, I don't think people will judge you for that as much as you fear they will. A lot of LGBTQ+ people don't start having sex or romantic relationships as early as straight people because they're still in the closet in their teens, which is sad, but also don't feel like you've fallen behind or anything. You're doing amazing! Good luck with your family and everything else and message me if you wanna talk because I can relate to some of what you're going through!
It's true feeling like everyone around you has more experience can be intimidating and its also true that some people will judge you because of it. These people are not the majority though and the fact of the matter is if someone is the kind of people that doesnt want to date someone purely on their sexual experience then despite any other qualities they might have are they really someone you want to date!
I feel like you and I share the same soul haha. Thank you for this it's so nice to hear that someone else is going through the same thing as me. As nice as it is to hear I'm sorry your going through it too though! We will find our girls someday. Staying hopeful
I'm glad we can relate! That's what I love about this site - finding other people who understand what I'm experiencing. Rereading your original post again, we really are so similar. I have had a ton of crushes on straight girls in the past. Whenever I liked them (I was a teenager and in the closet), I too was terrified they would realize and be "grossed out". I thought I would get over that once I came out and started accepting my sexuality more, but with this last girl I confessed my feelings to, there was no reason I should have had that fear - I was out, she is also gay, not to mention we were friends and she is one of the nicest people I know and I was STILL somehow afraid she'd be disgusted by me. It was so frustrating! But again, I cannot stress enough what an important step it was for me to tell her about my feelings and get rejected. I had never told another person I liked them in my 21 years of life! Of course I was afraid of being open about it. I initially felt sad and embarrassed, but that soon faded away and I felt relieved that I was honest with her I and didn't have to torture myself anymore with "what-ifs". Then it turned into something even better. I now feel proud of myself for trying, and excited for new opportunities for connections with others. And to make things even better, my feelings for her are completely gone but our friendship is not, on the contrary, we're getting along better than ever I cannot stress enough how she was not even a tiny bit "grossed out"- she was proud of me! Sometimes, something or someone good will come into your life when you're not looking for it. Within the past couple weeks, I've met someone new who I'm becoming interested in and it seems like she might be too. I'm feeling confident as I get to know her better and I know I wouldn't have this confidence if I hadn't expressed my feelings before. I don't know if it'll turn into anything but if it doesn't, there will be more chances! I'm just telling you all this to let you know that if I can do it, you definitely can too. The bad experiences you have will hurt, but they won't be the end of the world. Take your chances, and just remember if you ever feel like one door has closed it might just be so that another one can open. You got this girl!
