Has anyone thought, "You know what I think I'm a lesbian," and your brain goes into a "Are you sure?" and starts throwing imaginary hot guys at you. Brain: I mean sure you're a lesbian... unless... *scoots hot guy closer to me* Me: Brain: Idk anymore I said what I said. Unless... my brain has a point. What do y'all think?
Well I’m having that conversation with myself. But it’s in reverse. Me: Are we sure? Cuz I never knew this about myself before. Brain: Me: I was married. I have always had boyfriends. Brain: Yeah and how did that work out for you? Me: Girl walks by in tight pants Me: Brain: Nuff said Me: Rinse / Repeat
I think that I briefly did a similar thing. It’s not unusual to second guess yourself. I kept going around in circles with loads of different reasons why I couldn’t be gay. You’ll work it out with time.
Thanks Langom & LostInDaydreams. I just hope the second guessing means I might be onto something lol.
Hey I think its difficult for the brain to adjust its thinking sometimes. It's like it has this honest pure thought about girls and it makes you happy but then the part of the brain which deals with society and its norms comes wading in and say, hold on, hold on, there are so many hot guys, what about this one and this one and then we doubt ourself all over again. As Lostindaydreams says you will figure it out in time.
Wow, yes I deal with this all the time! Ironically I haven’t thought about guys more than I have since entertaining the idea that I could be a lesbian. I didn’t care about men and had to talk myself into liking them my whole life and then suddenly i come to terms with my feelings for girls and my mind won’t stop testing me to see if I could be into guys too. Heteronormativity and internalized homophobia are a dangerous cocktail. I don’t know if there’s a way of dealing with it other than just giving it time. Also if the “hot guys” your brain is testing you with aren’t real or unattainable in some way, it probably is not a sign of actual attraction to men.
This back-and-forth experience is normal and part of the process of coming to terms with your sexuality. It's part of the denial/bargaining stages. It sounds like your body is responding to what you see, but your mind isn't ready to accept what you are feeling, so you re-interpret your feelings to reach a different conclusion. Give yourself a break and learn to trust what your body is telling you. It takes time and patience so go easy on yourself.
My opinion is at this stage of the game especially, who cares. You like a guy, persue the guy, you like a girl, persue her. If anyone needs to know for whatever reason, your bisexual.. If it becomes clear your gay and you want to label yourself as such, feel free but you need not label yourself if it gets in the way of you enjoying your sexuality.
