When we've watched tv together they would always freak out and turn it off if a gay couple was shown in a show. They've even banned me and my siblings from watching certain shows just because of the "gay propaganda" in them. Although, my mom isn't as harsh as my dad and I feel like she would accept that I'm lesbian earlier than my dad so I've already written like 5 letters to give to her, I'm just scared. I REALLY need to come out because I feel like I'm lying to them. I'm only 13 so I think they won't be hostile or abusive but I did hear stories about parents reacting violently even though the kid thought they wouldn't. I'm kinda scared. What if they don't love me anymore?
If you ever feel like it would put you in danger to come out, then it’s best you don’t. Your safety is more important than your parents knowing.
If you feel the need to come out, sit down and have a chat with your parents. Your 13, and if they truly love you, then they'll except you. You should have plans, just in case it doesn't go well.
I'd be cautious here. If they have banned you from watching shows and shown the sort of vehement feelings, that could be a sign of potential problems. I see from your location that you're in Korea, so I assume you are Korean, and I know, at least for some in that culture, being gay is a huge issue because of the impact on what it means for families and family reputation and such. One important question: Are your parents religious? If so, they might try to force you into "reparative therapy" to "make you straight", which, of course, doesn't work, but it's difficult to explain that to people who are deeply religious and blinded by the church's teachings. I'm also going to ping @Rin311 , who was in a very similar situation to yours, as he may be able to fill in some of the cultural insights. In any case, I wouldn't move quickly on this. Take your time, think about it, think about what you would do if they weren't accepting, and what sort of safety plan you would come up with if they were to try to send you off to "straight camp".
Artemiss.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out. Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
Smol Update: My mom is a little more accepting than I thought, but I'm still kinda cautious because if I come out she might tell my dad. I have a revised and edited letter if I wanted to give it to her explaining my sexuality and the uncomfortable situation I'm in. On a happier note my little sister accepts me
Hi Artemis, glad to read your sister accepts you - that already must take a lot of the pressure off of you. I second a lot of what other here wrote - if you feel coming out officially could put you in danger, don’t. Maybe your mother also needs some time to get used to the idea? It’s difficult for a lot of older people to understand, since for a lot of them, there’s a very strong and clear idea of what you “should” be doing with your life (school-university-marriage), and telling them your life will be different takes time for them to understand and accept. Take care.
