Has anyone else struggled with, during the coming out process, of not being in your "prior" life nor being in your "new" life? I have nothing, really, remaining from my prior life. Only one friend has stayed my friend, marriage and living with my children is gone, and church, which was such a big part of my life for 13 years, is gone. Other then my marriage & children, church is probably the biggest thing. My church was my main daily activity and my social circle. Just like my marriage, I know that church left my life for reasons unrelated to my sexuality. But my sexuality is a part of me not wanting it back. But I don't quite have a "new" life either. I'm trying. I'm going to school, hoping to get off disability and be able to work. I'm kind of seeing someone, and I've started building friendships with a couple of women. I know it will take time for my new life to feel like my old one did in the sense of its comfort and familiarity, The "high" of coming out has worn off and I just feel depressed lately. One of the big things that convinced me this was right was that it helped my depression, and now I wonder if that was real. Anyways, I just wanted to get this out here. Thanks for listening.
I understand, I kinda feel like I'm stuck between being 'straight" and "Bi/gay". Sure I probably was just in denial but I hadn't told anyone or done anything about it, but now I have, only a few close people but I'm in a group at my local LGBT center, I have profiles on some hookup/dating sites. But I also kinda feel like I'm really not a part of the community.. I had the initial, this is great I'm gonna be so happy and after about a month, I'm seeing the realities, I have to worry about my safety and my health now re: dating. I need a good LGBT therapist, theres all these new things like should I get certain vaccines.. Then of course I thought it would be really easy to attact younger slimmer guys even being a older fatter guy and while I'm sure it does exist, its not the easy thing I was expecting. Plus the whole coming out, kinda stressful and overwhelming. I too have anxiety depression, ADHD, a learning disability and those all things in the back of my mind that I'm hoping to find someone to accept about me. Plus as with everything, I want all this a soon as possible which is a bit of an ask I know
Replace "older fatter guy" with "older very fat woman" and I could have written your post. I have bipolar disorder, anxiety, and several physical health problems. And I don't have a car. I'm going out there and trying to date, but I can't help but feel I'm just going to be "too much" for most women.
I would not say I’ve “lost” any friends in the time since I came out early this year, but I spend substantially more time with my partner’s gay friends he’s made over the last decade than I do with friends from my old life.
Many things talked about in your post, I'll attempt to tackle just a few. a) eat right (no junk food), drink adequate amounts of water (set a goal) your brain loves to be hydrated, get plenty of sleep - ~8 hours, and exercise 3 to 5 days a week, ~30 to 60 minutes a day - the brain loves blood flow while exercising. What kind of exercise? Walk, run, swim, bike, workouts at the gym. When I'm in a rush I get my ass out there and walk 3 miles or so. b) get involved in gay social causes. Help with Gay Pride parade, festivals. Work on helping young people come to terms with being gay. What does this do? It will give you a sense of community - you said church was a big part of your life. Find a new church that is liberal and supports LGBT causes. Unitarians rock. (and no Unitarians do not fornicate on the pews, Sunday mornings, as conservative churches say - jerks.) c) reach out to others gay people and start dating. Hope all this helps.
_______________________________________ Thanks! I've done c)....I've been trying to date and I've made a couple of other acquaintances that I hope will deepen into friendships. I would love to volunteer or get involved. Unfortunately right now it's very difficult for me to get out. I don't have a car and I can't take the bus because my back problems won't let me walk that far. I'm looking for things I can do at home or online. It's not the same, I know, but it's something. I'm practicing another religion that I'm happy with; but it doesn't meet in churches. Unitarians, if they were closer, might be a good option. I'll have to check them out. I think some of my problem comes from the fact I feel like a total failure. I have spent my whole adult life being a stay at home mom. My whole world was my ex and my children. And I couldn't hold it together. I gave up college and a career to be with my kids- to have the kids in the first place- and now I have neither what I gave up nor what I gave it up for. I'll be 39 in a week and I feel like I have the life experience of an 18 year old.
You had kids and I know a gay woman for whom it is too late - she would've liked kids. She has a very successful career and she does enjoy it, but what she really wanted was a family. You just have a different life experience from her in which having kids and being a stay at home mum were a priority at that point in your life. Perhaps your priorities have changed. It's ok if they have. It is ok to change and evolve. You are only 39 too. Wow!! You have so much potential in you...love and accept yourself for who you are at this point...strengths AND weaknesses. We all have strengths. What are yours? If you can identify them (try looking up "signature strengths" - I found this helpful in seeing who I am) you can begin to build on them and feel fulfilled. I wish you well. I too have kids, focussed my whole life around them by staying at home....we can change our situations little by little though.
Hey I know its tough when you feel as though you are a bit stuck in a rut. As @Peterpangirl says everyone has their own strengths and things that they are good at, you just need to rediscover yours.
