I'm 31 and since childhood I've been a masculine presenting lesbian. I pass easily for a male but that's not my objective. I don't identity as trans. All my life for as long as I can remember, I've only been attracted to women. I slept with guy in high school, didn't hate it but there was zero attraction. This past year out of nowhere, I'm intensely interested in men and less interested in women. I expressed this to my wife and she encouraged me to explore these new feelings more. We've have an open marriage. I started hooking up with a guy I met on ######. And I'm hooked. We've seeing each other for several months, super casual. Where did this come from??? Bisexual is probably a better label for me now but it's a almost a complete shift. Anybody have similar experiences? What do I do?? Ahhh
Welcome to EC Woobear, I’ve talked about my later in life emergence of bisexuality as a shift, but from the other direction. I signed on to Empty Closets as “straight”, married and monogamous. The last two are still true, but I came out to myself and my wife as bisexual when I unpacked in therapy my fantasies had shifted to men. There is more out there about women being fluid within a bisexual range than men, but at least I’ve found some research that suggests it can happen. What to do? Well, you are in an open marriage so continuing being honest with your wife is good. Therapy too, to help you understand and accept things. And paying attention — is this just the one guy (in other words “one guy short of Lesbian”) or more than that? And reading about Mixed Orientation Marriages might be helpful too. Such marriages can survive, especially if the other-than-straight partner is bisexual and remains attracted to their spouse. There so many ways relationships can be re-negotiated when something like this shows up in one partner’s orientation, though many times I’ve read (here and elsewhere) how frequently mixed orientation marriages can break apart. I just found a very old post on Empty Closets (by searching for Mixed Orientation Marriage) which had a link to a 2012 article from the Journal of GLBT Studies I’m now trying to understand about some of that, and though it is focused on men married to women it might also have portions that have meaning for you: “Renegotiating Identity in Unscripted Territory: The Predicament of Queer Men in Heterosexual Marriages By THOMAS B. SWAN (Siena College, Loudonville, New York) and SUZANNE BENACK (Union College, Schenectady, New York) https://www.dropbox.com/s/hmwj1wr6l...dentity in unscripted territory proofs(1).pdf
DecentOne, I’m 56 and married for 22 years to a woman, though I’ve had a half dozen experiences with men prior. I’ve always been attracted to men, since I was a kid. So I thought I was a closeted bisexual these past 22 years. Now, getting on here and hearing men’s experience and getting to know them, I think I’m much more gay than bi. Like before was a 1.5/2 on the Kinsey Scale. But now I think I’m like a 5.
Hi there, and welcome to the community! While I don't have the experiences you are having, it is possible for things to become clearer later in lafe, or indeed throughout various life stages. I have gotten to know others who realised that they have an attraction to the same sex/gender during their 60s and even early 70s. As your partner is encouraging you to explore your feelings and attractions, in many ways, you are in a good situation as you can be open with your partner. This could help you to understand things better as you not have a support that could proof quite valuable. It might be helpful not to label your feelings just yet. While labels help to create identity and belonging, sometimes they can also lead to a 'boxing in' of feelings and attractions that at this point you don't want. I would suggest to go into it with 'let's see what happens.'
