I'm a 38 year old cis married woman with 2 young children. I've always known I was attracted to women ever since movement class when I was 13, but I was also occasionally attracted to men and I felt like I was already strange enough without adding my attraction to women into the mix. I've only ever dated men despite being more attracted to women. I wasn't ever fully in denial of it but it was 'easier' to date men and not unpleasant. A year ago I met someone and it was like a bomb going off in my head. Nothing happened exactly but we just clicked like I've never clicked with anyone before and it bought all my feelings back. It also really scared me because I was so worried she'd realise what went through my head when we were talking that I distanced myself from her a bit. I'm sure she thinks it strange that this incredibly outgoing chatty woman stumbles over her words whenever she's around but she does the same with me too, it's quite cute actually. Although I know nothing will ever likely happen with her, she has just lit something within me and now all I can think about is being with a woman. I no longer feel attracted to my husband or to any other man. I want to but I just can't make myself. I feel terrible about this and like I need to keep all my feelings to myself and like I'm a fraud because I've only ever once kissed another woman and I was 19 and I freaked out. I'm not even sure what label I'd apply to myself. I'm just not sure I can ignore these feelings any more but I have no idea what to do. I hope you don't think I'm out of place here but I just feel I can't ignore this any more but I have no idea who to talk to about it.
Hi there, you are not alone in the world and I can relate to your story, I also buried my gay feelings and married a woman happily for 20 years, till I fell for a guy at work, and started acting like a schoolboy with a crush every time he spoke to me. Nothing happened there but it made me realise that I'm hay and start on a journey that I'm not sure where it will take me. It's scary but this forum has plenty of people who can help you along the way and maybe get you to where you want to be one day, but good luck in finding out yourself x
Hi @Tartanskrt - You're not out of place at all! You fit in here just fine, and you have eloquently written what so many of us feel. Keep posting!
Hey of course you are not out of place. The more threads you read here the more you will find that your situation is not that uncommon. I think you should take everything one step at a time, as difficult as that is to do. I think you have a familiar story whereby you repressed the feelings and continued on society's straight and narrow so to speak, until one day you met someone who blew your mind. It's like you were eating the standard chocolate and you liked the chocolate, then one day someone showed you a new kind of chocolate which blew your mind and now the standard chocolate just doesnt feel the same.
You’re in just the right place! I’ve been hanging out here for a couple months and this is not the first time I’ve heard this story and it’s pretty close to my own. Married and in my mid 30s, two kids and finally coming to terms with the same sex attractions I pushed away for decades. I’ve spent the past couple months coming out to a few close friends and I too have trouble with the labels. I’ve been coming out as bi but lately that hasn’t felt 100% authentic to me. Really we are more than labels ya know? I totally agree with the advice to just take things slow though we all know how panicked you can feel at times. We’ve all vacillated from freaked out to okay to freaked out again. One day at a time. And for me, keeping open lines of communication with my spouse has been paramount. The less open I am the less I feel for him and it perpetuates the cycle. I don’t know what the future holds for us, but I think honestly always helps us find our authentic selves.
