I am lesbian or bi(never liked guys but everything could happen). I know i am not heterosexual for sure and i know this for about 3 years. My friends know but if i want to start dating girls it will require more people to know and i dont want my parents to find out from somebody else. The problem is that their opinion on LGBT comunity is that people should keep it for themselfs. They dont like pride because they say LGBT people shouldnt talk about it and just stay in the closet. They are not against it but dont want to see or hear it. So that is my situation. How do I do it ? I think their opinion it is mainly caused by not knowing queer people. well exept me but they have no idea.
Hey Gress, so this seems like a very tough situation and I don't blame you for feeling anxious or frustrated. Sometimes the environment that people surround themselves in, can be the main contribution as to why they act the way they are. It sounds like your parents are homophobics in denial. They might not understand the LGBT community because they might not see what benefits them by supporting it. Given time, if you came out of the closet, can help them open up to it, but it will be a long drawn out battle that you might have to live with, which is surprisingly common in LGBT community. I'd approach the situation carefully. If you are in a secure place that you're able to support yourself independently, by all means give it a try. Make sure you are comfortable in doing so and prepared for whatever might come in your way. You can date females but it would put a big strain in your relationship if you're not out of the closet. If your parents are religious, look for pamphlets or books that might help them understand the lgbt people more, or maybe bring up a topic in conversation that includes lgbt issues along with other stuff.
Thank you for a reply. They are not religious but still. because of theese three years that I am holding it inside of me. My relationship with parents got really distant. Like we are barely on speaking terms and I dont know how to make it right again. My mum thinks i am weird and antisocial because i never had a boyfriend and i dont date. i am 18. There were lot of oppurtunities but i never wanted to. She often blames me for it. Says things like "if you will act like this no boy will want you" often compares me to my friends in relationships. In the beggining i just looked the other way but now i dont really know why i get so angry that after a moment we are aguing over stupid things. I want to improve this relationship but when someone has coment like this i just cant take it anymore. I feel traped. It is just one year of high school left then i go to university far away and i am free.
I'm glad to help. When you first come to realize your sexual orientation, and not being able to come out, it does build up over time, the anxiety, the frustration, the guilt. A lot of us have felt that same emotion when we were in the closet and you're not alone in it. I think your mom should stop dictating your life since you are coming of an age where you can start making your own decisions, and in this regard, I think it can help alleviate some of the pent up emotions that you have at the moment. If you're able to express that with your mom in a calm manner in which she can understand, I'm sure you won't have to feel pressured enough into thinking that the only way to live life is to appease other people, and that's not okay. It sounds like your parents are setting a high expectations for you, and it's perfectly understandable when you're moving on to college, which can provide a different kind of reality that you're used to. Try to understand the reason why your parents are saying these things, and in their eyes, they only want whats best for you and want you try to live your life the best way you can. Although it might not be as suitable as other people's way of living, but you are your own person and you are allowed to live life the way you want to. It may seem like it is the only reality they were exposed to and from their perspective, it's the right one to live by, which seems unfair, though it can change given time and communication. I also got easily angry when i was in the closet and all these comments kept coming all the time until one day I had enough and came out the closet, but I wish I had communicated a bit better about why I was angry, and it was because of the expectations and the wanting of me doing better was overwhleming for me. The hardest thing for me when i was around your age, was to understand and accept why they were saying the things they said. The time you want to come out the closet is up to you, as long as you're ready and feel determined enough to know that you will be okay. I think as long as your focus on your studies is going good,you got pretty good chance of making a better future for yourself.
You summarised it perfectly. I can’t explain why but I feel like I am letting them down by not finding a man. I don’t want them to worry about me. They will not expect it. I want to finally tell and stop lying and be someone I am not. But I am afraid I am not brave enough to do it.
oh yea, I've been there before. It's definitely the build up from discovering your sexuality. I'm sure you are brave enough to do it. If I went through the same thing, so can you. Anyone who's been in the closet, can tell you that their parents felt disappointed and let down when they came out of the closet. Same case went for me, but they are still warming up to the idea little by little. Take your time thinking about how you want to approach it, and when's the best time to do it, as long as you're 100% ready enough to do it. Think more about what you want for yourself.
I'd run a mental stimulation about how the conversation would go, which I did. How they would react from the most likely to the least, have ready answers for questions, arguments that can happen and build a solid stance on it, most of all, being better prepared for the aftermath. There's always a chance of crying, arguing, or the best case scenario, hearing you out and not freaking out. It's pretty much unpredictable, but in my case, it went exactly how I predicted it when I thought very carefully of how it was gonna go, but my parents didn't really have any questions, they never bothered asking. I think they weren't comfortable at all in asking, though I did give them the time and space to maul over it. I didn't force anything on it, even when I wanted the answers or the acceptance for it, because I understood that they grew up in a different time period, where it was frowned upon. I would've liked to have my sister there as support, when she understood the situation better and explained it better, so I think it would've been one of the few things I could've done better. I also could've waited with that chance but I was being a bit too impatient about it. It definitely helped running a mental stimulation, so that would be the best approach in the steps of coming out. I think everyone is different when it comes to the "How to come out". Writing a letter, talking it out, or making a big show out of it, it's up to you. Do it the way you feel that it's best to do.
