Hey! First post here actually, after lurking for years Male 27, straight for all my life but not so sure these days.. So after about 10 years of gradually increasing curiosity, the last couple years I have gotten closer and closer to actually hooking up with a guy, and a few weeks ago I finally tried it out and now I really dont know what to think... So here's what happened. I had visualized me trying this out in another city, pre-planned with some guy I would have talked to beforehand. What happened was I was pretty drunk, convinced myself that "tonight is the night" and downloaded ######. Quickly met a guy there, from a neighboring city who wanted to meet up. I got really excited, his pictures looked good and he was willing to drive to where I was. I met up with him, got in the car and with very little interaction I proceeded to go down on him. Now, first I liked it. A lot. It felt good, and I got very turned on! But heres the thing, now this guy was probably expecting someone a bit more experienced (my fault, I didn't say anything about my inexperience). But the thing was, this guy was HUGE! It took him a few to get all the way up, and when he did I was terrified! He wanted to push me down and I let him, but I couldn't do it for long and couldn't give him what he wanted. It still went on for a while after that, I did it in my pace and he seemed to enjoy it, but he went gradually down and didn't finish... I enjoyed it the whole time, and ive thought about it a lot since, but the whole setting... I dunno it was kinda off? And now I dont know... I dont know if im bi or if I just had some fantasy I wanted to try out after fantasizing about this for years... I dont -feel- any different? if that makes sense? I have never seen a man irl I have been attracted too, if it wasn't like this situation, with a sexual pretence in some form attached to it , until after this! A few days after I had a customer come into my store who really caught my eye, first man I ever took a mental image of and was attracted to in real life! (He was HOT!). So.. I dunno what this post is. Wanted to vent, and finally post something here! So take it as you will. Open to talk about everything more if anyone wanna though!
Welcome to EC! Always nice when a lurker takes the plunge and joins the conversation. You're definitely in the right place. So I doubt you'll be able to make any 100% determinations from this experience; you were nervous, the guy was enormous, you didn't have a lot of experience, and you are, in the back of your head going "Does this make me gay?" which... at best is going to be distracting. So there's all of that. One of the best questions to ask yourself is... what's going on when you masturbate? If you're watching porn, is it gay or straight? If it's straight, are you paying attention to the guy, or to the girls? (If it's gay... well, it's not conclusive, but it does point in the direction of your finding guys more attractive. So an even better plan is to masturbate without porn a few times, thinking about girls one time, and about guys the next. Maybe fantasizing about this hookup you just had, and if it had gone differently; what it would have been like in your ideal world, what you would have felt, what he would have experienced, etc. And see where those sorts of fantasies take you. Usually it becomes pretty clear from that whether you are more aroused by thinking about guys vs thinking about girls. So if you are willing to give that a try and then share what goes on for you, I'm sure you can get some more helpful input.
I can relate to your situation very much Zelos1. The first time I had sex with a man I was very nervous and it was very awkward. We did have a really good time and I told him before hand that he was my first and he took it slow. I knew I was gay and this one experience was not going to change anything. I can guarantee you that the sex I have had with other men since then has been mind blowing and the best sexual experiences I have ever had with a man or women. Don't let the one experience deter you. You are most likely gay and should embrace all that t has to offer.
It sounds to me like: - you wanted it - you enjoyed it - but you didn't feel like you performed well Sounds like almost everyone's first time, gay or straight. Personally, I would say that you're at least bisexual - you seeked it out, you were turned on and you enjoyed it. Sexual orientation & attraction don't influence us rationally - it's not a conscious process. Hormones often push us around and make decisions for us. Conscious rationalisation comes later, and when it comes to homosexual thoughts or behaviour, it can take a long time to come to terms with them. This is because homosexuality, despite all the "tolerance" currently offered to it in the west, simply isn't reinforced day-to-day the way heterosexuality is. People can think they're straight for the longest time before realising what they were missing out on, so to speak. And don't listen to any of the nonsense about being "romantically" oriented vs "sexually" oriented - romance is a cultural artefact, whereas sexuality is as natural as breathing. My advice? Dip a toe into gay culture, and see where it takes you. Take your time, try not to sweat it & be safe.
Thanks for the replies! I have been trying this out for a while, and honestly, both work. When I watch porn its mostly straight, and I switch between who I pay attention to, or I enjoy both. I love having sex with women and I find the female body very arousing so currently im leaning towards thinking im bi... but I guess ill have to try out more! And I think talking more with the guy before will probably help
The first time I ever was intimate with a guy, we met up in a restaurant and had a long conversation over a few drinks. He had a few cocktails while I drank only lemonade (I didn't want to get drunk ha ha). But we hashed our our experiences and I made it clear I was terribly new to any intimate experience. So it was very comfortable when the both of us ended up in his hotel room after that. Since I set the expectation upfront and he knew what he was getting into, it wasn't hard for him to hold back and go slow. He was enormous as well, more wide than long, if you get my drift. So he held back from forcing me to go deep and "taught" me a few tips and tricks. Frankly, I was thankful to him for letting me experiment on him ha ha. Since we spoke for an hour before we got down to business, if either he or I were turned off or not comfortable with proceeding, we had the time and opportunity to call it off and go our separate ways without becoming more uncomfortable. My advice? Next time maybe have a bit of conversation with the person, letting them know upfront either messaging them through the app, or conversing in person before the intimacy starts. As for your sexuality? I think some of the other members already posted some good points about it, so I won't go there.
Hi Zelos, We all have been in your shoes at one time. My 1st we meet on line messaged for days then met. He knew he was my 1st and went at my pace. It was the best sexual experience I have ever had.. I am bi I belong to a great loving mistress. But I have never looked back. I enjoy men very much. Communication is key to any kind of friend or relationship. Then as you get experience you will be more at ease and grow better and better.
Though I’ve been with women most my life, my very first male encounter with a guy was when we were both 12. Very fun. But it was all hands and no mouths. My first exp with mouths was when I was 21 and I was overwhelmed by emotion and afraid of the implications. My second “real” encounter was much better. My third was great, and like the second, we knew each other and there was trust. Made all the difference.
