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I'm confused about my gender.

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Eduarda, Aug 7, 2019.

  1. Eduarda

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Brazil
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Sorry if I write anything wrong, english is not my main language.

    I've been questioning my gender from time to time but I always end up "just being a girl'.
    I'm biologically female, and I like my body and all, but I not so sure about my gender. Maybe I'm overthinking, I'm not really sure.

    I feel okay being called she/her, but I think I would prefer if people used she/her AND he/him to refer to me. I don't feel so sure about they/their tho.. I've read a lot about, transgender, gender dysphoria, non-binary genders this past days and I'm still pretty confused about some things.

    I don't know if I have dysphoria, it's not a big deal to me going to female bathroom but it feels the same if I went to the males bathroom. I really like my body and don't want to change that.. And I like both gender clothes but I find myself wearing more female clothes, but maybe thats only because I don't have the courage to go to the men's section in stores and just pick something.

    When I was little I though that girls who did "boy things" were like super cool, and I really wanted to be like them..

    I would love to use masculine adjectives to refer to me sometimes, or any other gendered words (in portuguese theres a lot of adjectives that have a feminine and a masculine form, or like when you say "thank you" you say "obrigado" if you're a boy or "obrigada" if you're a girl).

    But I'm also pretty feminine most of the times (did I wrote that already??) so it doesn't looks right calling myself anything different from girl because I don't want people just not accepting my gender because I don't look the way I say I am.

    Anyway, I'm kinda afraid of being any other thing than girl because I think it would be too much to my family to see me coming out as homossexual and any other gender. But maybe I'm overthinking or just have a more boyish gender expression idk.

    (sorry for writing too much)
     
  2. Being Jess

    Full Member

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    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Close your eyes. Imagine yourself in a world with no gender labels for a moment. A place where what you wear does not define or limit you, a place where one's genitals at birth don't automatically assign you with a gender. A place where you can define yourself over and over again and experience all the beautiful aspects of the diamond you are without judgement, ridicule, guilt or shame.

    A place where on the days where you feel like a boy you dress and act as a boy - do all the boy things you love doing. A place where on the days when you feel like a girl you dress and act as a girl - do all the girl things you love doing.

    A place where your journey is yours. It's precious. It's a gift. Something that was given to you at birth and will be reabsorbed when you die.

    This imaginary place can be real. It could be your life.

    You could decide that in your world, your universe, your life you express yourself based on how you are feeling on any given day. You could decide that you are free and deserving of letting your light shine in whatever way you see fit as long as it never harms anyone or takes away anyone's free will.

    Today you feel masculine so you have a boy day. Tomorrow you feel feminine so you have a girl day. The next day you feel neutral so you have a neutral day.

    As you explore these different parts of yourself you get to know who you are and you gain acceptance for who you are.

    If people ask tell them it's just you having a beautiful, loving relationship with yourself and that you are ok and safe.

    When someone is confident in themselves others will respond to this. They may decide they do not to share space with you though you don't want those one's in your life anyway.

    Remember - people freak out when someone doesn't look like all the others. We are a self policing planet of slaves that subscribe to the ideals of society handed down by those who seek to control us and keep us consuming until the day we die. When someone steps out of line they are immediately dealt with - either through hate, racism, violence, emotional and psychology abuse or general law and order.

    We have it easier than the brave ones who came before us and gave us a path to being who we are and future generations will have it easier because of people like us who were brave and strong enough to be who are despite how hard it is.

    This is your journey. You came into this world alone and you will leave it alone. In the blink of an eye we will all be old and wrinkly and all the judgements, fears and controls that held you back from being who you are will whither and die with you.

    The key to door that is keeping you from being free is in your pocket. No one can walk through the door for you.

    Be kind and honest with yourself and remember that the fear will not go away though it also does not have to hold you back.

    I strongly recommend looking up the transformation channel on Youtube - those videos helped me a lot.

    I wish you love and light on your journey to self-discovery and self-awareness. I accept you for who you are - whether it's female, male or anything in between - you are enough, you are ok and you are not alone.

    Next time you are standing in front of a mirror look deep into your eyes and smile while saying out loud to yourself

    I deeply and completely love, honor and accept myself.

    Do this whenever you can and as many times as you can forever.

    Peace and love
    xo
    Riyana
     
  3. Being Jess

    Full Member

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    Location:
    South Africa
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Apologies - that's the transition channel not the transformation channel
     
  4. NoName87

    Full Member

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    Location:
    Noneya
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Family only
    Sometimes, well most of the time I can over analyze something to the point where I don’t even know what I was analyzing in the first place.
    Gender identity has no test, it can’t be studied in the lab, there is no inventory scale that can definitively say you are this Gender. Because at the end of the day Gender identity is a phenomenological experience specific to you, it is qualitative.
    Point being you probably already know who you are. If you are confused, and that is completely okay and normal, experiment in safe places, try on clothes, ask others to use different pronouns.
    I wish I could find the video link but can’t. It was a, “how did I know...” video. The trans women start going over all her behaviors that may give a clue but concluded that some girls play basketball and some boys like to play dress up but they still identify as their same gender. She knew she was trans because when people referred to her and treated her as female she felt inner peace. Gender Identity is a feeling an undeniable truth of your being not the expression of that identity if that makes sense

    Best of luck on your journey of self discovery.