I have many different issues, mental health issues some from my childhood abuse and also medical issues such as psorasis,sleep apnea, etc. So basically I'm a fixer upper, I need a lot of TLC and patience but hopefully I have potential. am I going to be looking a needle in a haystack looking for a guy (or girl) to date me.
Short answer: Yes, I believe there is somebody for everyone (and it will take effort to find him). Please understand that gay dating in general is often looking for a needle in a haystack. This is a reflection of gay dating rather than you. The key to gay dating is figuring out your type and what you need from a BF and then where/how to meet somebody like that. For example if you like hiking, consider joining a gay hiking meetup. Since a relationship is a two way street, you'll also need to get clear on what you can bring to your potential BF. Perhaps you can find somebody with a similar health issue and heal together. It's best to cast a wide net. Hookup apps, dating sites, meetups/support groups of common interest and hanging out with gay friends are great approaches for meeting guys. You may discover that your first few BFs help to clarify what you want or don't want in a BF, so don't expect to meet your life partner first time around. Dating is a process of self-discovery, so enjoy the journey!
Yes. There are, and I wouldn't even go so far as describing gay dating as looking for a needle in a haystack. I loved dating and a lot of my single friends do as well. There are a lot of great guys out there and I actually enjoy mini golf... The thing I will say though is, if you really do view yourself as a fixer upper, get to fixing. No one else is going to do it and no relationship is going to make all that go away. Emotionally healthy people don't go into relationships under the assumption that they are going to change the other person. If you want to be different get to work. If you want someone to love you just the way you are get out there and find them. If you want someone to see the potential in you and love you for who you might become I think that's a taller order.
Everyone has imperfections. There is not one single person that can claim to be flawless. Our respective baggage might be unique to us individually. However, all humans - gay or straight - have to deal with perceived physical, mental or emotional anomalies. What would be unique is if you were free of any and all perceived anomalies. As OGS suggests, you need to take responsibility for working through your own perceived issues and rise above them. Before anyone can be ready to share a life with another, it’s best they figure out how to live life with themselves first.
You're not alone! I have mental and physical health issues, and weight issues on top of that. I"m just putting myself out there, closing my eyes, and diving. I'm trying to change from seeing myself, though, as needing fixed as being a work in progress, like we all are.
Thanks, I know I have to try and get rejected but thats the issue, the rejection. I feel like I was happy that things might change with my life in regard to sex and being closer to people. I feel like if I get a bit of self-esteem back whether that be from a relationship or just a hookup (that someone finds me attractive enough to date or hookup with) that fixing myself would be easier and I could atleast have some motiviation to get my life on the right track but if all I'm going to do is fail then why bother. Then of course, I have to deal with coming out again if nothings going to change why stress my self out over it. Pretty self defeating I know but its the way I feel. I hope putting yourself out there works for you.
Believe me I understand! I've thought that it would be easier to work on my diet once I have a girlfriend. I try not to think that way because I don't think it's fair to another person. I wouldn't want to be someone's 'self-esteem' person, you know? I just decided that I'd gone to a lot of trouble to come out- to myself if no one else- and I wasn't going to wait to live my new life until I'm perfect and I would ask yourself that as well; having gone through the effort to acknowledge and accept your sexuality, why wait to live?. It's just an approach and I'm not sure it's going to work, but we'll see.
As others have mentioned. It is a lot to ask of others to love you for your potential. I don't know it this is possible in the wider scope of life. But, I have mentored a couple of younger men to become more physically active. To ditch the TV and ride a bike. That sort of thing. This has been successful but only because these guys wanted to do it for themselves and no one else. Sure. Looking better for the dating scene is great. But, that is a side benefit. The real benefit is that you will feel better about yourself. I know this is difficult and takes a lot of effort. I won't sugar coat it. But, you can do it...for you. I was concerned about one line. That you find that someone else finding you attractive would be good for your self esteem. I think we all feel this way to some extent. But, we cannot live our lives viewing it through other's eyes. You have to be the one to look at you and decide if that is who you want to be.
I was interested in someone with issues but I didn't see them as issues..unfortunately they walked away from me. I know in my heart I would have loved that person
Hi @Vanillaboy - "If you think someone is normal, then you don't know them very well". Everyone has their issues, it's just a matter of the choices we make around those issues. If you can be a friend and can help another person with kindness and honesty, then yes, there's someone out there who wants to be with you.
With a pending divorce and decades of baggage from leading a straight life, I am a picture of issues. Fortunately for me, I have found a man willing to deal with them as a part of me. It helps he went through the same thing a decade ago, but the answer is yes, there are lots of us who will accept someone with issues. If not, we’d have no one.
Just meet people, become friends, let it evolve to more. Love is love. I have mental health problems too, but it never stopped my boyfriend. He said it was like gravity. Diagnoses are not sentences to singledom.
Everybody has issues. Unfortunately not everybody has the guts to speak up about their issues and share them with others. The gay scene is full of shallow people who just want to go to clubs and drink and smoke and fuck all of their problems away, without actually confronting their issues and working on becoming a better person during their sober hours. Focus on becoming the sort of person you want to be, not who you think everybody else wants you to be.
