Is life really rough these days? I know that in the 90s people would get slurs written on their lockers and in extreme cases get stuff written on their cars. Today, the people that I know, seem very cool about it, that they respect people and let them be. To me, if I can live out and no one makes a big deal out of it, I'm fine, I know thats not everybody. It would take awhile to truly live it but I think I could be ok, regardless of what people thought. If you call me a slur thats on you, your the moron and close minded person and I don't have to let you make me upset. Maybe I'm living in a fantasy world and I would deeply care, I don't know. Im not effiminate and while I don't think NO ONE would ever guess, I don't think its that obvious. Just wondering exactly how bad it is out there? (also I'm not sure if its appropriate to come out and use a slur to describe my feelings about being called it, it would be easier for me just to type the word but if people are offended or it triggers them I will respect that)
You’re always gonna have that small percentage of people who will judge you, call you names and hate you solely for you being you. But that’s the same for anyone wether it be fore race, nationality, creed/religion, whatever makes them different from the haters. It’s not about them it’s about you. The reason we come out is so we can leave free and live our life how we want. We get to enjoy these things. For us. And that’s what you got to want. My personal experience it hasn’t really been bad. I’m not one who needs to announce it when I walk in a room but if it comes up I make the statement and most are just like ok cool man whatever.
I am me. I have always been attracted to men. I also have been married most of my adult life to a woman. I loved my sex life with women a great deal. I also like my time with men as I got older I was able to be myself more. And allow others to show me love more. When humans get to the point where the things about others are not a threat to them, then less hatred will show up in this world. We are not there yet. I hope one day for this world to accept fully who I am and who others are. By world I mean the human race.
I feel quite safe in regards to my sexuality. I'm not going to lose my job for being gay and I'm not going to be arrested for being gay, and anyone who does discriminate against me for being gay is going to risk those kinds of consequences for themselves. And even if I do have unpleasant encounters with members of the public, whether they are being rude or annoying or arrogant or acting against policy, they won't insult my sexuality, as if they won't sink so low as to attack me in that manner. And even if they do, there are plenty of people around who have my back.
For me it’s the freedom and liberation of no longer having to hide my sexuality. Not having to pretend to find women attractive with the “guys”. Being able to finally expose my more feminine side without worry. The removal of the worry of being exposed as gay. The joy of living in an open loving relationship with my BF. No longer caring about what society thinks of my homosexuality. Being part of a growing vibrant gay community.
The worst I get is being laughed at, mostly by urban/inner-city teenagers I pass on the street, and that's mostly the times I'm wearing a skirt. I also sometimes get giggles from little kids, but I chalk that up to them having never seen a guy with pink fingernails, a purse, and a skirt. Everyone else if they don't like it they hold their tongue. I live in a mostly LGBT-friendly city.
I think it depends where you live... what country, what city, what area etc Overall, obviously it is easier these days, especially in more metropolitan areas, to be "out", but you still have to be slightly tactful about it, ie - if you're walking through a rough area of town, don't mince along in a rainbow jumpsuit....
I started coming out at 42. My ex wife and I finally get along again. We are slowly becoming friends. I'm a great dad to my three kids and see them frequently...... But boy is it great to live the authentic dream! I never thought I would come out but one day I thought enough is enough. I wouldn't say I'm particularly a feminine guy. But I do enjoy painting my nails if I go for a night out and wearing some bracelets. I just wanna express my sexuality and enjoy the freedom. I feel so free at the gay pub I go to and even though I'm nearly 44, I love staying out till 4 am. I also run a local LGBTQ group with a friend on FB, we have just hit 100 members! I help arrange group meets and it's alit of fun. I also enjoy dressing differently, wearing much tighter clothes, lost weight, go running and lift weights. I had a few hookups but didn't get a huge amount from them. I now have a casual partner, his younger than me. We have learned about gay sex and how to pleasure each other in different ways. It's certainly been a journey. I plan to divorce my wife next year and the journey will continue. It's definitely worth coming out and being authentic, I even told my work colleagues, I don't any longer care what people think, I'm just Jon at the end of the day who happens to be gay.
I've been out for about 27 years at this point. I feel like being gay affects my life quite a bit, but not really in the way the OP is talking about. It's made me into the person I am--I feel like it's made be stronger, more compassionate. Obviously I have a husband rather than a wife, I feel like I have a wider friend circle than most straight people my age and obviously there's a lot more gay people in that circle. We enjoy gay vacation destinations and events. It has a tremendous shaping influence on the life I've built. If on the other hand your talking about, as I believe the OP is, how other people treat me I have to say it has very little effect. It was rough when I first came out. Most people I came out to had never met anyone who was out before and people really struggled, and then they rallied. To be honest I haven't encountered much in the way of negativity in well over twenty years. We live in Illinois and for twenty years have regularly attended events in Utah and Oklahoma as a couple. The worst we get is confusion or curiosity.
When I first started coming out, every little thing I did in public that would out me would be super scary. I've found that people are much nicer about gay things since knowing I'm gay. When I was a closeted teenager, people would talk shit about gay people and (kinda harshly) tease about being gay. Since being out, I've had a couple of "..ohhh"'s when people clue in, a couple of weird looks and only one time I was legitimately scared. I'm at the point now where things like me/my bf paying for both of us, going out together, going as a plus one, saying whatever we want to each other etc- They don't really phase me anymore and I'm not really consciously thinking "this will out me". My bf and I don't do PDA in public and I'm not one to continually bring it up. More like you ask, I tell. The other thing to consider is that as long as your willing to risk the small chance of being outted, you don't have to tell everyone. Since being out to level I want, I've had some jobs where I decide to come out, and some jobs where I decide to stay in the closet. I'm out to one side of the family and not the other. I'm willing to accept the risk that somebody will tell somebody I don't want to know.
The answer to your question depends a lot on the family your were born into and the culture you live in. I was born into a homophobic family which made the first few years of living openly a living hell. But I was lucky enough to be born in a country that doesn't persecute LGBT people and provides us with legal protections, and I am lucky to live in a very liberal city. Life is getting better and better, despite some setbacks, and being able to live as a gay person - which is part of who I am, meaning that I don't deny any part of myself - feels really good.
Like you when you first accepted yourself, yes I'm scared every little thing will out me. I also feel like maybe I haven't accepted myself really. Frankly I don't want to be that bi guy (actually who people don't believe actually likes women) or the guy who has a boyfriend. I really don't want to be different, sure I would love to have a great relationship with someone who cares about me and shows me that even though I might not think so I am attractive/sexy but it doesn't have to be with a guy. To be honest with either sex, I don't have any romantic fantasies, there all purely sexual. Sure I like the idea of treating my partners like kings but I'm that kind of person if I like you I will do anything for you. Frankly, I think I'd like to try dating both and see what happens find out if I have romantic feelings about anyone. Though with my job and living arrangements (with my parents at 41, I know). I also have issues that make getting/keeping a job difficult. I kinda wonder if having someone special is what I need to give myself the push to start really dealing with the situation rather than be anxious and depressed about my life.
I was worried about it being a label that was my main defining feature too. Some people (mostly girls) will obsess over it or ask inappropriate questions, but family/real friends/co-workers etc don't care. Not ideal, but I'd take inappropriate obsessions over getting harassed lol. Can't speak for biphobia though
