I'm still confused and worried about my gender. help appreciated.

I'm struggling with my gender this year and it's not fun. I've been having issue figuring out who I am.
What is the intense feeling of wanting to be seen as a male and not a female but ok with living like I currently am with short hair (Ideally getting rid or shrinking the chest).
I dont get the same feeling of bottom dysphoria but I dislike my voice and would prefer it lower. I wouldn't be a manly man but I would just like being a man.
But sometimes I'm fine with my body ( other than the chest) and dont necessary hate it but I just wish I was born a dude. This has been bothering me for months and it's all I ever think about. I want to go to a gender therapist but I'm scared that they will say I'm fine and that i would always be like this.
I was scared to cut my hair but when I did I loved it. I could stop trying to act really manly and just be me without worrying about "not passing". I know I dont pass as a man but in my head I think I at least seem more masculine. So I dont know if that works the same with being scared to change my body (if I were to be trans or nonbinary).
But the thing is I'm always scared of change no matter what it is. When was going to cut my hair I was sweating and thinking I was going to regret it and that I dont want this.
But then i did. Cuz when they actually cut it right I was happy and laughing like I hadn't in months. Like before I had a sick feeling about it but after I was smiling and all that sappy stuff
But then I got sad cuz my mom basically said I looked dumb and ugly. But after I got over that I was happy but not as happy cuz I knew my mom and dad didn't approve so it was awkward and I couldn't really truly enjoy it.
Of course all this doubt leaves me the moment I step outside and am not cocooned in my bed all day.
I realized that my "dysphoria" hit me like a truck in public because i knew that they were seeing me as a girl. So every time i go outside in public, I dont talk or when I do I whisper cuz then if u talk they will hear my higher voice and say ' oh, it's a girl and not a boy'.
Its when I'm alone that I start doubting and questioning myself and getting anxious at the thought of changing.
Maybe I just subconsciously want attention. Or maybe I just dont want to be a female because of its struggles. Maybe Its just a faze and I end up regretting it later. Many of these thoughts come from my mom telling me these things. Not that I haven't thought of them before. She just repeatedly asked me this.
Our family is Hispanic and we have traditions. Stuff they say casually can be insulting to us. And stuff we say casually can be seen as insulting to them. My mom asked me if it's because of how they pushed the feminine ideals or expected me to like feminine things that they turned me trans ( still not sure). I said I dont thinks so because other females in Hispanic families just like mine dont suddenly think, hey maybe I want to be a dude. It's not normal or typical to think this when growing up for many people.
I said all that needed to be said for now. Sorry its hecka long but I thought some of this was necessary to understand the full picture. I would appreciate the help if people could respond cuz I'm getting desperate and have no other source to get help or advice from. Plz help.