What is my gender, and how do I know?

So this is a blog that I meant to make a thread earlier, apologies fellas. If you're struggling with the same or similar experience, feel free to vent

Since it's my first post, I should probably introduce myself. I'm Sam, I'm from the United States. I've always thought I was female, and I've only started questioning that since I hit puberty. I love anime, and I'm pretty late on the Hetalia train but whatever. I'm obsessed with linguistics, foresincs, and psychology and one of my life long dreams is to connect with people across the world through my knowledge of language and psychology. I know that I want to work in law enforcement.

Enough of that, I'll get to the point now.

So, I'm starting my gender indentity discovery journey, and I'm so confused.
It's making me so stressed out, and I'm really concerned. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Pronouns. Where do I start with this tangled mess? Ever since I learned of pronouns, something about being called 'she' felt off. But it doesn't feel right to be called 'he' or even 'they' either. So what else is there to be referred to by? I've wondered if the fact that you aren't usually called by a pronoun other than 'you' when you're in the presence of people who are speaking about you has any play in my attitude towards 'she'.

Now onto my sexuality. I consider myself to be bisexual/homoflexible. I'm attracted to females more both sexually and romantically, but I occasionally develop small feelings for males too. Not specifically those who indentify as male or female, but a feminine or masculine appearance, if you can get on the same page as me. I always get uncomfortable when saying the phrase 'my husband' but not when saying 'my wife'. :/ I'm not interested in getting married anyway, and I certainly won't be doing so any time soon.

All weekend, I've been studying gender identities, but found nothing that I think correctly fits my description.

I've always loved having an outward feminine appearance, and I love girly, preppy clothes and especially lolita. The typical longer hair, etc. And I still do. It hasn't been until feminine biological features have begun to form more and become more prominent that I didn't want a female body. Recently I've been feeling like I want to have a male body, but not a traditionally masculine appearance. So I want to look female, but not physically be female is what I'm saying.

I like my feminine facial features, and although I'm not happy with the way that I specifically look, I want feminine facial features.

So here're some of my big questions;
I'm wondering if I'm just confused. I know exactly what I want to be, and how I feel, and I can only find a description and less so a word. So what am I? I don't want to transition, because I'm still young? What if it all turns out to be phase, and having male body parts isn't what I wanted? I also don't want to end up looking scary. (Please don't think that I think trans people are scary or ugly that is absolutely not the case, I just mean in my hypothetical situation. You're all beautiful, periodt)

Another. What would my parents think?

If I speak to someone that could easily contact them, such as a school teacher, a doctor, etc. Then they would find out, and that's my worst fear. My dad has some pretty homophobic tendencies, he told my brother about homosexuality, and my brother seemed disgusted. (He's 8) He doesn't even say the word 'gay' but rather spells it out as if it's a swear and that makes me sad. My dad described himself as 'tolerant' to it, and it came off like he sees it as a behavior that shouldn't be happening but he's letting it slide. Like it should matter to him.

My grandma also has some, well I can't think of a better for it than conservative but i dont think that's exactly what it is. Please have mercy, I'm 13 and I'm still learning. I told her about a character that I like. He's a boy that dresses feminine. She scrunched her nose and said "Ew. No. I don't like that." Something in me felt heartbroken, as if somehow what she had disdain towards was a part of me.

The closest I've heard of that I think I may be, is bigender.

I'm so confused, and stressed out, and sad. I'm happy I can say something, somewhere about it. The blessing of the internet. If anyone has any ideas or resources that could help me, I'll be so grateful. I just need to know. I'm sorry for such a long post, but I tried to explain as much as I could seeing as it's very specific. I love you all, and I'm relieved that we have a space where we have a chance at being our true selves. To those of you who have it figured out, congratulations! You are amazingly beautiful, and brave and I'm sorry if you've ever had to be afraid to be yourself. And to those like me who are still on that winding road, we'll get through it together. Be brave and keep on, you are so strong, and you're not alone! Don't stop believing in yourself<3 Have an amazing day