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I am still here

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Mystic flower, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. Mystic flower

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Nunavut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I have not been on EC for quite some time, and my apologies as I would love to be a supporter of all of you because this family was my greatest support system when I was struggling with coming to terms with my bisexuality.
    An update: One of the last things I posted about on here was struggling with the tragedy my family is going through. The incident is all I think about, and it doesn't cripple me as it did a month ago. My therapist that helped me through this traumatic event has since left town and I am left once again without one. There are relief therapists in town, but they are here on a month to month basis. With a preliminary hearing coming up in a couple of weeks, and thanks to the support I have been getting, I am anxiously waiting to here what will come of it. As my thoughts and feelings are settling, the other issues that I have been facing as surfacing through again. Well, my thoughts went out the door when husband came for a bit.
    Anyway, I have been feeling wired up. Dealing with homophobic slurs from family, and knowing my ma in law does not approve of me, I feel alone. There is someone that I am interested in, and I love how the butterflies and gleeful jittery feeling comes when I see her. She is older, and I don't know her orientation. She did mention once that as adults, there are a lot of uncertainties that we have to deal with and sexual orientation is one of them. I don't run in to her often, and when I do, I don't know what to say other than the weather hahaha
    My goodness, I feel alive and yet I feel like a sinner. Homophobia is strong in my mum especially and I am confused. I am a christian, and believe in God as my saviour. I've prayed and prayed not to be attracted to women, and feel alive when I am with one. It has been years since I've had any physical contact with women because I chose not to. I want to be sure about the right one. I mean, is it so bad to want both - I have my husband and children, but I also want a relationship with a woman. How will that work? I don't know. But it doesn't hurt to long for that.
     
  2. silverhalo

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Does your husband know about your attraction to women?
     
  3. Mystic flower

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
    239
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    74
    Location:
    Nunavut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yes, my husband knows that I am attracted to women. He was the one who initiated a threesome with a woman about 6 years ago.
     
  4. silverhalo

    Full Member

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    Location:
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    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Can you talk to your husband about how you are feeling?
     
  5. Mystic flower

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Messages:
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    74
    Location:
    Nunavut
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I do talk to him, and he is understanding. We live in an isolated community of almost 3000 people and it's very homophobic here. EC is my only outlet right now
     
  6. silverhalo

    Full Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    England,
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Being in an isolated community is understandably going to make the situation much harder.