maybe I'm gay because it's easier to get men?

Speak for yourself!

 

There is your answer (probably aha)

 

If it’s easier to get men in your culture...maybe that’s a filter I need to be a part of. I could go to any country bar in the backwoods USA and take a girl home tonight. Trying to find a guy that’s into a dude like me....difficult however, take your time you don’t need to rush to a decision and it will come to you in time. Maybe you are bi, but if you fantasize about men..I dunno maybe you lean to the gay end. Search yourself and enjoy the ride.

 

I’m bisexual but more on the gay side and I used to think similarly to you. I’ve always had an easier time meeting men than women and thought that was why I felt the way I did. I mostly watched gay porn and thought it was because I hooked up with men out of convenience and men made the majority of my experience. I always felt regret and shame after hooking up with men, because I was beating myself up for doing it. I eventually got past my denial and accepted that I was genuinely attracted to men. Now when I am with men, I enjoy it, because I know it is a part of who I am and have accepted that. In the end, only you can answer this question, but it sounds similar enough to my experiences that you might be bisexual or you might be gay.

 

Denial sucks. I got stuck in a loop of that for a while. But I knew I was gay, I just didn’t want it to be true because of how I was raised. It took me a long time to accept myself. But whatever conclusion you come to, just find what makes you happy being you and go from there. The road won’t always be easy. But it’s worth the trip.

 

I mean the gay dating scene isn't necessarily any "easier" than the straight one.

 

Play out two fantasies; one, your ideal man physically and emotionally wooing you, gradually turn the act sexual. After you've already established the scenario in your head of who this person is. Do the same for a women, compare and contrast. If you were down and out, who do you want to hug and console you. Not in some ideallic 'if i were straight and normal' way, but what YOU really want.

The point of sexuality isnt 'this is what i want to fuck', its 'this is who and what i want to fuck'

 

I kinda feel like this as well. To me you'll find more gay hookup sites than straight (since when did ###### become a dating site) and if you have a lack of sexual experience later in life it is more easily accepted and explained.

 

I do think fantasies are trustable. At least in one sense; like a fantasy isnt going to give you an understanding of taste, smell, feel, your own anxiety and comfort levels in the moment, how intimacy/adrenaline might interplay with all of that. So in that sense, a fantasy may not be reliable-- like theres the fantasy of getting fucked roughly, and then theres the reality of everything that comes into that. Fantasy and reality could easily be discordant there, but, actual desires? I have a hard time accepting that the human mind would fantasize about a person, real or idealized, but not actually want all of those things.

Realizing what you want and then being in a position emotionally where you can live that best circumstance out are very different things. Frankly, a lot of "asexuals" make this mistake as well. Oh I had an awkward sexual encounter >>> im asexual!

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anyway in terms of tangible advice whether or not you personally can accept your fantasies or not: humans need love, so you should seek out intimate relationships regardless. They dont have to become sexual, you can go on a few dates with a girl, or a guy, talk to them. Be old fashioned that way. A lot of people will never enjoy sex unless theres an established emotional connection, and thats really the point of this site, anyway, accepting yourself to the point where you can have an emotional connection with someone else. So it doesnt matter if you can conclude if you are gay or straight *right now*, what matters is finding people who make your life meaningful and being open.