Does it really set you free to come out to your parents later in life?

My parents are older. My dad 74 my mom 61. Does it set you free when you come out to them? Like really? I have been struggling with this. I have tried to send the message several times but I delete it instead. I don’t know why at 40 I am so afraid of this. I support myself and have a good career. I am just so afraid to lose them because of it. Any advice?

 

Thanks for the reply. My fear is she won’t be accepting of it because of her religious beliefs. But I have always been close to my mom and I just feel I need to tell her. I have talked to her about everything in my life. I just can’t seem to muster the courage to rip the band aid off so to speak. My parents are literally the last two people I have left to come out to, and I know I was saving them for last because of the fear.

I have a great group of friends who support me. I don’t know why it bothers me so much.

 

My parents are Jehovas Witnesses, so they believe it’s a choice you make and that it is a sin against God.
Yes, she has made lots of distasteful comments and was why I tried so hard to be the straight guy they expected me to be.
Yes I have a cousin who is openly gay, but is also an addict. She has a very low opinion of him. No others that I know in the family.

I do not have a partner, I have had a couple very short 3-4 month relationships that ended because maybe I wasn’t ready yet or they were in my option very incompatible with me. But I go out and have a good time meeting folks. I had two marriages almost back to back that ran the course of 21 years. So I’m kind of enjoying being me. And for the first time being all of me. I don’t want to rush anything because I’m really savoring the experience. I have never been happier, and from the closeness I have always had with my mom I don’t want to have to hide it. And want to be able to share my joy.

Does that make sense? Am I crazy? I am prepared to be shunned, although I hope that’s not the outcome. I have built a good support network of what I refer to as my Friendmly. So I know I will still be standing on the other side.

 

I think it has lessened in the extreme degree over time but, it’s still pretty extreme. My best friend who knows my mom pretty well, she thinks that my mom will just magically change into accepting it, not over night but she says it won’t be long. Her words were, there will be a small grief period and then it will be like this is the way I have always been. I dunno though.

 

I know the double life, while I have not has substance abuse issues, I definitely understand the anxiety of it, and it made me an angry angry person. I was depressed most of the time to the point that I thought the world would be better without me. Not that I was suicidal, but I didn’t care if I died. I started coming out a year and a half ago. And in that time my mood has changed. I get to experience joy and happiness and, I love living life to the fullest. This is my last hurdle to being totally out to everyone. Then I won’t have to hide anything anymore. And I am really looking forward to that but getting this courage to do it. Is just seemingly impossible.

Thanks for sharing, it’s an encouragement for sure!

 

Ok, well might as well throw it out there. Lol. I knew I was into boys at a young age. Kissed a boy for the first time at 6. Lost my virginity to a guy at 12. Was with him until I was 16. We kept everything discrete because in our town in the early 90s that was very taboo. Guys just didn’t do things like that. He crushed my heart. Just out of the blue shunned me. Started dating girls, joined the don’t ask don’t tell army at 17. Got a girl pregnant at 18 married at 19, that lasted till 2006, divorced, dated guys again, got a homosexual conduct discharge from the army and went home, and right back into the closet. Got married again to a woman who was a good friend, came out to her 3 years later, stayed together for 7 more for the kids. And then we dissolved our marriage under good terms, no lawyers involved. And that’s when I decided no matter the loss I was not going to repeat my past.

I have 6 kids. 21, 18, 16, 11, 10, & 6

 

To be honest. I am in my home town 4 days a mont so, I have no problem with giving space. I do park my car there while out of town but I have back up arrangements if necessary and, I am ready to give what ever time she needs even if it’s ten years.

It’s probably not the best, there was a long version and decided maybe shorter and simpler would be better, because the long one made it sound like I was apologizing over and over. I don’t want to be apologetic. I’m not sorry. I am me. So here’s my short version:


Mom, there is something I need to tell you and have wanted to most my life. I am gay. I have dealt with the anxiety of it long enough and tried my ass off to live a life that I didn’t think would disappoint you. But I can’t deal with the stress of it anymore. I can’t live in fear of who I am and relive my past over again. I hope you can choose accept me and not hate me because of this.

Short and simple. Tear the band aid off so to speak.