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Crush on therapist

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by starmotive, Jul 30, 2019.

  1. starmotive

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    Has anyone had a crush on their therapist (psychologist, social worker, doctor, etc)? Did you tell them and did they help you work through it? If you had to do it again, would you tell them and was it awkward to talk about it with them?

    I have told my therapist that I thought she was pretty and she asked me if it was something that had been bothering me for a long time. I said no, but if I'm being honest it was a lie. I don't want to go through the awkwardness of discussing how I find her attractive WITH her, but it's been a few months and I find myself thinking about her way too often...
     
  2. Lek

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    Yup. Happened to me when I was in group therapy with a lesbian and gay male co-therapists. I started noticing that I always spoke to the lesbian therapist and realized that I was sexually attracted to the gay male therapist. I was concerned that I could be holding myself back by not dealing with my attraction. So I told him I was sexually attracted to him and didn't want that to be a barrier. Of course, I didn't expect anything sexual/romantic from him and I was sure many of his patients had been attracted to him. I just needed him to hear my main point: I didn't want my issues to hold me back in making progress. I don't like standing in my way, if I can help it.

    So it is normal for patients to be attracted to their therapists--I think this is called "erotic transference". Personally, I think you should raise the topic again and tell her that you feel awkward and even scared about admitting you are attracted to her. If you hold back this, perhaps you'll hold back other issues as well. It is a good opportunity to explore what your feelings mean.

    Best of luck and let us know how it goes.
     
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  3. starmotive

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    Thank you Lek, it's nice to hear that I'm not the only one who has gone through this. I'll be seeing her next week so I'll definitely let you know what happens.
     
  4. Chip

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    Entirely normal, and a good therapist will find it a pretty ordinary thing and be well equipped to handle it. Feel free to bring it up. There can be some really good self-exploration that comes from it, and your therapist should be understanding and compassionate about it. It's a little uncomfortable/embarrassing, but a very common part of deep theapeutic work.
     
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  5. Lexa

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    I developed sexual fantasies about my male therapist. And I did tell him. I knew I had to mention it if I wanted to continue to make progress. It took a lot of courage on my part and it was VERY awkward for me. He listened to me and tried to make me feel more comfortable. He's still my therapist at this point. It's important to talk about your feelings for your therapist to your therapist. And also to talk about your feelings concerning the therapy itself. Those feelings are an important part of the therapy. So yes, I would tell him again.
     
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