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Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by NotTooLoud, Jul 10, 2019.

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  1. Contented

    Contented
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    All I can say is that once you free yourself from our ingrained compulsory heterosexuality and allow yourself to embrace your homosexuality the freedom and liberation you feel is palpable. The worry over performance issues fades away replaced with a sexual desire only same sex relations bring. Never have failed once becoming aroused when with my BF. For those of us who are gay, a woman cannot provide the emotional and sexual responses we need no matter how hard you try to imagine them. At the very end of my hetero relationship the very thought of intimacy let alone sex with my GF just seemed disgusting.
     
    #41 Contented, Jul 21, 2019
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  2. NotTooLoud

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    It's a journey. I finally left, after 30 years, and I have so much regret for not having done it sooner. I thought I had to stay to raise my children, or because she had no job at the time, or because .... The list goes on and on. The truth is I was a coward; I could not come to terms with who I was/am. And she knew it, and preyed upon this fact for many years.
     
    #42 NotTooLoud, Jul 21, 2019
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  3. maybgayguy

    maybgayguy
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    This is interesting to me. Up to a year or so ago, I never felt it was disgusting. It wasn’t that great by any means and I still couldn’t stay hard. Now that has changed and I am feeling that disgust (although I love her so much that is so odd and difficult to write).
     
    #43 maybgayguy, Jul 21, 2019
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  4. Stig500

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    I'm so in the same boat as maybgayguy, (wish it was same bed lol) but I watch gay porn every day now, I love my wife, but I long for a BF, for pure sexual and emotional needs. I am definitely gay and have no desire for women at all now
     
    #44 Stig500, Jul 21, 2019
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  5. TrevinMichael

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    Relationships and Marriages are all complicated because they involve people.

    Love each other. Sex or not. Love is the key. Sex may follow.
     
    #45 TrevinMichael, Jul 22, 2019
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  6. 1cgd

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    Not a bottom, but suffered the same nerves about sex before my first hookup with a man. I was shaking. He knew it was my first time and was patient and encouraging and throughout the act , I experienced more pleasure than I had in nearly 50 years of living. I knew right there I had made the right decision to come out as gay.
     
    #46 1cgd, Jul 22, 2019
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  7. 1cgd

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    omg, this was all 100% so me in the last decade of my str8 marriage.
     
    #47 1cgd, Jul 22, 2019
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  8. NotTooLoud

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    Maybe, in part, you are disgusted by her expectations?
     
    #48 NotTooLoud, Jul 22, 2019
  9. maybgayguy

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    hmmm...not sure what you mean. I would sort of expect that I do the normal heterosexual things in a straight marriage. I think I just lust after men.
     
    #49 maybgayguy, Jul 22, 2019
  10. NotTooLoud

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    I'm sorry for being so inquisitive, but did you top then, on your first time? Did you finish at the same time? Was there oral? Not trying to be kinky, just wondering.
     
    #50 NotTooLoud, Jul 22, 2019
  11. NotTooLoud

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    Well, my wife expected me to fulfill her needs. It was always about her. I would only finish after she came a few times and then she would groan because I had ended it FOR HER.
     
    #51 NotTooLoud, Jul 22, 2019
  12. NotTooLoud

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    Beautiful thought. I have heard it doesn't always work this way in gay realm. Wish it did, though.
     
    #52 NotTooLoud, Jul 22, 2019
  13. TrevinMichael

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    It does if it is real love. People in general do not know how to love fully.
     
    #53 TrevinMichael, Jul 22, 2019
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  14. Stig500

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    One thing I know is that with my wife I could spend an hour trying and still not have an orgasm and just give up, but when I watch gay porn, it's sometimes all over for me before I get my pants off lol, I guess we just get turned on by what we like and for me it's just men only now. My wife knows and understands this. In fact, I think she knew before I did lol
     
    #54 Stig500, Jul 22, 2019
  15. 1cgd

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    First time:
    1. Yes
    2. No, me first, followed by partner
    3. Yes, mutual
    With current partner
    1. Yes
    2. Usually
    3. Always
     
    #55 1cgd, Jul 23, 2019
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  16. NotTooLoud

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    Thank you. How did you know you were a top? I mean, were you always sure, or was it after that first time?
     
    #56 NotTooLoud, Jul 23, 2019
  17. Stig500

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    I dont know about about anyone else, but I've never been with another guy, but am almost certain I would be a bottom, although I might be wrong. But it just seems more natural to me
     
    #57 Stig500, Jul 23, 2019
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  18. 1cgd

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    Yeah, I always knew though decades of fantasizing where I thought I belonged with a guy. After experiencing it just once I knew for sure.
     
    #58 1cgd, Jul 23, 2019
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  19. Contented

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    So true it took only one time with a guy and I knew without a doubt I was gay and always had been. It took me a little longer to come out but I knew immediately. Sex just seemed so natural, sensual, erotic and totally unforced. His touch seemed to reach a need in me that took years to acknowledge.That first orgasm was so intense I almost passed out from pleasure. Never ever felt that way with a woman. Absolutely no comparison. To this day I still wonder how I faked it with women for so long. Couldn’t believe that I had wasted years being afraid and only fantasizing about gay sexuality.
     
    #59 Contented, Jul 23, 2019
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  20. Nickw

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    Since this thread has taken a lot of twists and turns I thought I'd see if someone else has experienced what I have.

    I am a better hetero lover having experienced sex with men. My wife and I rarely have sex anymore because of her lack of drive. Although, when we are intimate it is better than it was....for both of us.

    I think that I have learned to let my guard down and see where it goes. I guess it's vulnerability. I wonder if some of what turbo charges the experiences many of us have when we are able to engage our sexuality is stimulated by this?

    I also have an incredible sexual relationship with my boyfriend. That has made me a more sexual person overall. So, I pay more attention to the subtleties of intimacy that I might have missed.

    My other thought is that many of us learned hetero sex when we were younger. In youth I didn't know I could ask what turned on my lover or I was afraid to be experimental. I'm not afraid of that with my boyfriend and that makes the experience richer.
     
    #60 Nickw, Jul 23, 2019
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