Hi everyone, thought I'd just put my story up here and see what folks think. I am 41 now and recently came out as gay to my wife, she's fine with it and we're still together although no physical relationship for a while now anyway so we basically live together like best friends. I still love her and enjoy doing things together but I only want to have any sort of intimacy with men. I suppose mu problem is, is where do I go from here? I've never had sex with another man and I dont really know how to go about meeting them except for dating sites and am not quite sure how comfortable I am with that. There a guy at work who I really like but I do t even know if he's gay, I thought it would be easier once I had at least admitted to myself I was gay but all the same old anxieties still exist. Anyway, if you're still reading, thanks for putting up with me and any advise or just general chat would be nice.
Hey Stig, I'm in a similar situation minus the wife. I too am 41 and recently accepted my self as bi and came out to a close gay friend I know from the net. Never had sex with a guy except oral a couple of times in 7th grade (I know I'm old fashioned Oral is sex..see it says so right in the name LOL). I don't know either how to find a man without dating/hookup sites, not sure I'm ready for either. One thing my friend told me is you don't want to sleep with someone from work, if things go bad, things can get akward. I just had this couple at the retail store I work at was required to switch departments once management found out they were dating. They are the same jobs and no one is supervising anyone. Not sure if its common but you don't want to find out personally, Ive been looking for friends on this hookup site, not sure if thats going to work, but I did find this guy who I know from working at a local convience store on the app and I asked him a few questions, seems like a nice guy but he's 24 and I'm 41 so I don't know if he'll want to be friends. I figure after I meet a few friends either they change into FWB or atleast I may be able to meet some other gay or bi guys to network with. I'm very worried about being outed. Don't know how much that helped just know you are not alone.
Hey vanillaboy, thanks for saying hello, I've no intention of going after the guy at work as I dont think he's even gay, it's just a pure liar thing as he's the sexiest guy I've ever met lol, and first time I've really been into a real person that's another guy I think, but I will take things slowly with concerns to meeting guys, bit shy about casual hook ups but the need for sex is getting bigger every day lol x
Here is my advice. DO NOT try to date or come out to the possible gay guy at work. You do not know how he is and even if he is gay and things go bad or if he gets ticked off he can try and out you at work. He could be one of the gays that feel like once you say you are gay or bi to one person, then it is public knowledge for everyone else. Just leave the work guy alone! There is too much easy hooking up outside of work if you want to get jiggy with it. So do not bring drama into your job. You say your knows you are gay. If she giving you a hall pass to screw other guys and mess around inside the marriage? If the answer is yes then wear protection and get on an app and maybe take prep. If the answer is no or you do not know, then talk to her about this to get things out in the open first before you start sexually exploring.
Thanks for the advice, and I want be saying anything to the guy at work, I'm too scared of a public outing for that, as I say, it's mostly just a oust thing. To answer your question, my wife is fine with me sleeping with guys and we have no sex life now anyway, but it's just all a bit daunting at the moment as I feel I've left it a bit late, anyway thanks for taking the time to talk.
If you are on a hookup site the majority of people want to hookup. Sure you can find friends or even a LTR but for the most part people want to hookup. If you arent looking for sex, then Id say get off the site or stat in your profile that you only want friends. But thats like going to a brothel and saying Hi Mr. Pimp I was wondering if any of the girls want to just go and grab a burger and listen to my coming out story for an hour instead of having sex. What do you think the answer id gonna be?
There is no rush! A lot of guys started late. Other gay men wont have a oroblem with it. In fact if you tell them they will find you to be a curious oddity. Most men over 4O have had multiple sex partners so you woukd be fresh meat and many people will get off on devirginizing you.
The thought of that actually really turns me on lol, I like the thought of an experienced bit older guy showing me the ropes.
