Hi! There is a Tom Chaplin song called See It So Clear. Its not about being gay, its about looking back at your whole life and finally understanding who you are that all the things thst make you, you ....they were there all along. Anyway, its like that for me. I love living in my little 2.4 family, husband is a good man and he has supported me through mental health breakdown. I think deep down he probably knows i am gay. I think on Kinsey scale I am 5, homosexual with in incidental interest in heterosexuality, something like that, thank you Mr Kinsey. I am ending therapy for anxiety and depression next week. I am 37. I think some of my problems have been because i never permitted myself to be gay. I could give you a ton of examples but it would get boring. I am in love with a friend from work, she knows it, but she is non sexual. Another of my bezzie matea is gay too and single but frankly i need all the friends i fan get so happy to keep it that way. Plus i don't play hockey or have blonde hair, so def not her type . Shall i have a talk with my husband or stay closeted for now? Live an even more secret life? Big love x E.
E, I am in exactly the same boat. I mean scary! I am about to tell my husband of 24 years that I am gay. I have two older children and one 12 yr old to consider. My middle child is trans and we are both very supportive and open minded. I had lesbian experiences at age 13 and again at 18 before I met my husband. I am in the middle of a breakdown. I love him but I’m not in love with him. I’m so confused and also very smitten with a woman at work. My reasoning behind telling my hubby is that I can’t go on as we are anymore and I don’t want to be unfaithful and hide.
I am just wondering if you should speak to a therapist or counsellor first? I told my husband i am bi some time ago, he doesn't seem to mind as long as i stick with wifey and mother role, which frankly is fair enough. But one day we will be living separate lives i am sure of it, especially as the kids get older and i am more gay than bi, he doesn't know that bit yet. E.
How do you feel about your currently relationship? If you could choose an option, without considering the consequences at first, do you think you would be happier staying in your current relationship or pursuing a relationship with another woman? Telling a husband/wife is always hard, but I think a healthy relationship is based on trust and honesty. And, even if you feel you don't want to go on with this relationship forever, then it may be best to talk to him and be honest about your feelings (considering this won't be a risk for you). What do you think?
Yes perhaps I should approach this with damage limitation in mind and suggest the Bi option. Perhaps easier to take for him. I know that it won’t be long before I need to ask his permission to act on my instincts with this woman. That will be the next step. I am starting counselling next month and seeing my doc on Tuesday. Doc told me I needed to express myself and tell my husband.
Cool . Cool. My therapist today said a healthy relationship is two people living their own lives together. Bit of a head scratcher that one
Thanks for this. I agree but i don't want to ruin his life and my kids are my priority. To answer the questions, i feel dead inside with my husband. He's kind and caring and clever and funny. But......y'know. And yes if i could just be me, whether a relationship or not. Of course i want it and of course i want to be in love. I totally hear you xxx
Hi @Elen ! My opinion (and it's only an opinion) is that you should and will open up to your husband when the time is right. Don't rush into it, and don't let anyone pressure you into anything you're not ready for. But keep your focus. Best wishes and big hugs! I think you are going to be just fine!
Aw thanks i appreciate that. Life is pretty good and i think baby steps are safer for someone like me
It is definitely a process that takes time and effort. Did I mention lots of crying? Know your considerations. Have the difficult conversations. Take time to figure out you. Ya know, you, the person buried under the weight expectations.
