What advice are you sick of hearing?

"Smile and the world smiles back at you"

Heh, so ironic it coming from somebody who always pointed out my flaws until my 20th.
like it was an obsession and was the main reason i almost didn’t
have any self confident until i moved out from home.
Some adults are more childish self centeret than the dare to admit to themselfe.

It would have been nice if an adult told me:
Forget that I told you to smile.
You’re not ready for it yet.
Besides, a smile should happen naturally.
You don’t need to force youself to fit in.
By M. Endō.

 

Anytime someone tries to tell me how to get a job in what I went to school for. I already know that.

Yes, my current job is not what I went to college for, but I like my current job and it pays decently, so for now it will do. If I can eventually get a job in my dream field, then great, but right now, I don't want to hear it.

 

I don't get a lot of advice but I can remember a lil. I guess people don't give me advice because I make it clear I don't need it

"Don't cut. Your arm will fall off."

There.



I don't cut anymore. I still have both arms.

I got my cake and I eat it too.

 

I always hear, "Slow down, you'll give yourself a heart attack".

I can't slow down, I'm too busy running away from it!

 

"You just haven't found YOUR people yet."

Right. Except that I've experienced more than enough rejection to conclude that if I haven't found them by now, then I don't 'have' any.

 

"You're just looking for attention."

I suffered from hearing loss when I was born, and many of my worst memories came from this. Back at school, a lot of people teased me about it but I tried my best to shake it off. Eventually, I remember in Year 9 someone said those very words to me. "You're just looking for attention" This was just too much for me to take at that time as I am already struggling with my work as I cannot keep up with the class. Not to mention I'm constantly struggling internally. I even skipped school for half a week after the incident.

 

"Try and relax a bit. Don't worry about it too much." Oh, sorry, I didn't realize I could just turn my anxiety and depression on and off at will.

Some more unfortunate bits of wisdom:
In regards to my adamant feelings of not particularly wanting kids I hear the "you'll change your mind when you get older" b.s. a lot. I've been hearing it since My teenage years. I'm 23 now and still in school for my first degree, for crying out loud! And on my way to a Ph.D. too. I don't have time for that. Just because everyone I went to HS with is getting married or having kids doesn't mean I want to. It's like people think somehow 23 isn't old enough to make decisions about my life. Ugh.

Also, "you never know when it might happen" referencing my orientation and like I might someday suddenly not be ace. Because I can't truly not experience sexual attraction, apparently. My word isn't good enough for some people. Very frustrating.

 

To lose weight.

Like it never occurred to me. Like I thought this was normal somehow, or I was choosing it as some sick lifestyle. Yeah, I know. I think about it constantly. Now leave me alone.

 

That one's the worst!
I'm so glad that here in France we're not expected to be ass-kissers.. if the customer is wrong, we're allowed to point it out (some do it with less tact than others tho..)

 

"So you're paying for gym membership but you only go to the gym like twice a month??"

GTFO, and just let me spend another year being a gym-sponsor, thank you very much

(crying for the 40 bucks that go straight to the trash every month...)

 

"Even though you're depressed you just need to push yourself."
No, I can't push myself any further than I've already been pushed or I'm going to wind up in the psych ward again. I'm so depressed I can barely stand up some days. Leave me be.

 

1) Since I'm still going through puberty, I hear the whole hormones Spiel every time I display an emotion other than joy. I'm so sick of hearing it, and it reminds me of my current internal struggle with my gender identity. Whenever I hear it, I think about how I may just be having a phase or something, idek, and I get worried and confused again.

2) Not advice maybe, but my grandma tells me all the time, how in highschool I'll have "All the boys scrambling for me." Oh h-e you know what comes next NO. "You're such a beautiful girl you'll have no problem getting a boyfriend." One, my dad claims I can't have a boyfriend until I have a PhD, which is complete bs but I digress. And two, I don't exactly want a boyfriend. I'm leaning towards wanting a girlfriend. :/ I get that it's a complement, but it makes me a bit uneasy y'know?

 

"You shouldn't feel this way." -- How wonderful! This combines judgementalism with the perception that they share and can understand my feelings, and are now presuming to control them.

 

“Stop worrying”

I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder that I am medicated for and use to go to therapy for and before that I use to have periods where I would have nightly panic attacks for up to two weeks at a time. If it was as easy as stop worrying then why am I having to miss work on a regular basis to go to a doctor for my medications and then have to pay for said appointment and medications?

For the record, I am ranting about people assuming my anxiety is not a major issue, not having to go to the doctors. I enjoy going to the doctors and I am thankful I can afford to go.

 

I have an anxiety disorder as well, and know that it can be quite paralyzing yet it's often treated dismissively by those on the outside, some of whom assume a "get a grip, man!" mentality.

 

Ah ,yes. I don't know why people think I love min wage/being unemployed

 

One of the least favorite bits of advice that I hear from time to time is, "the best way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else."

I hate that saying and all it implies so much. The assumption that rather than working through my own personal crap, and carefully avoiding hurting other people, I should recklessly jump into a relationship with some poor unsuspecting soul. No thanks. It seems really selfish and potentially toxic.