is it true that all the questioning and the denial and repression and feeling inauthentic and anxiety issues will go away after coming out? I've seen a lot of people who truly felt relieved after coming out and getting positive responses, but I still can't find a place in my mind to understand or imagine the reality of it, like is it really possible that all the depression and stress and anxiety..etc just disappears after telling someone about your sexuality? I just can't imagine that it would ever happen to me.
Maybe you don't have to imagine how things will be after you come out--just come out. Just know that coming out is a process. The built-up stress and anxiety that repression most likely will be relieved and your depression may even feel lifted. Be aware that symptoms of depression may reappear and may need treatment. So please do take good care of yourself. When I decided to come out, I blew myself out of the closet. I let everyone know. Coming out for me was an exhilarating experience. You, however, can test the waters with a couple of people you feel you must trust. Just remember you can't control others, but you can influence how people respond. I feel coming out is something we share with people we love, so family and friends will see that being out is a positive thing. Some people cry when coming out, because so much pressure is being released. That's okay too. "I'm really fine and glad to finally be coming out of the closet." I hope I've said something that might be helpful. Good luck and keep us posted.
For me, it's a roller coaster with lots of ups and downs, twists and turns. I feel confident being lesbian some days, and then other days I rush back inside the closet and frantically tell everyone I'm suddenly some other orientation. I am going to go see a counselor about this, but ultimately, I think the first year of coming out is always going to be the hardest, especially if you don't have offline resources or groups to attend. When you're all alone, dark thoughts can cloud your head very quickly and make you doubt yourself. Don't let those thoughts win.
I feel the same. I have only came out to a close friend, but only because she had recently came out as bi first. And I live in an area that homosexuality is not accepted. But coming out to my friend did help, it felt like a bit of the anxiety left, leaving me feeling lighter and relived. I would tell a close friend, or talk to a lgtq+ person you can trust about it.
I live in a small town also, so it is not accepted. I finally got to the point where I just don’t care. If people have to gossip about who others are with, then they have issues of their own. Whoever I end up with I will be proud to be with her and not care about others opinions. As long as your happy, that is all that matters.
I don’t know that for me it instantly relieved things for me. But, what it did do is put me on a path to starting to get help. It gave me people I could talk to and get advice from. It got me pointed to a therapist and resources to start working on things. And it did start to help me slowly feel less shame.
I mean . . . to be honest, the answer to your question is a little complicated. It's not true that everything will magically get better. If you live in an area where homosexuality is severely frowned upon, the reality is that it might get worse--that's the importance of trying to be as safe as possible. But if you live in an area where it is much more accepted--then yes, chances are high that you really, truly would get better. But as it's already been said, the symptoms of depression might return . . . coming out, unfortunately, can't necessarily free us of that. And when a person has been sad for so long, it's sometimes difficult for them to be happy even when their living situations improve.
It did for me. I was drowning in depression, and verging on suicidal. I was withdrawn and sinking fast. But after just telling one person my truth, I felt like a massive weight had been lifted. I felt like *me* again.
Hope4love.....As a lot of the responders here have said, yes it does get better...but it can be an up and down experience. When you come out so many of your previous relationships change. It's like you're now approaching the world from a different viewpoint. However, I think the biggest change is internal. Before you come out, the way that you are living your life is basically a lie. When we are hiding in that horrible closet we are always being careful of what we say, how we say things, how we act...and the list goes on. We are pretending to be someone (straight) that we are not. It's that big gay secret that is controlling so much of our lives. That secret causes us guilt and shame and leads to depression. When I finally accepted that I am and always have been gay, and came out to that first person, I started the process of destroying that secret. The more people I told, the more I really accepted and started learning to love myself, the less power the secret held over me. Within a few weeks of starting the coming out process, I had friends, who I had not come out to, start mentioning that I seemed to be a lot happier and more fun to be around. They wondered what had happened to me. What had happened was that I was beginning to be the "real" me more and more. So, did things get better for me? Yes, yes oh yes they did! Did all my problems go away...no, not even close! But the fear, shame, and guilt all got so much better. I didn't do it on my own. I had empty closets and a very good therapist (gay) to help me out. The change started right away but It does take time. Now 4 1/2 years later I am a truly different person...well, actually I'm more and more like the "real" me all the time and I don't even take meds for depression anymore! Hope this helps...IT DOES GET BETTER! .....David
For me after coming out to my friends and family I felt so much better and actually proud of my sexuality
This is the key point, I think. When we are in the closet, we are constantly censoring how we act, what we say, and even how we think. It's exhausting. Imagine being an actor on stage and *never* getting a minute off. Once you are able to just be yourself without subconsciously worrying about accidentally letting your secret out, it's much better for your mental health. Other problems will still exist - it won't work magic - but your mental state gets an immediate boost. It doesn't even require you to shout your secret from the rooftops - you just need to no longer be a prisoner who is scared that someone might find out. Once you have told one person, you feel free.
