What am I (Education please!?)

For years I've identified as a lesbian. Iv'e had boyfriends and girlfriends. I've been with the same woman for 10 years. We've been married for 5 years. I'm not sure how to sort this out and get it out of my head and down for you all. My wife is my high school sweetheart. She was the first person I had any sexual relations with. I had boyfriends before her as well. She went off to college and we broke up. With deep sadness and curiosity, I began experiencing men and had a lot of sex and relationships with them. I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing anything.

I was determined to make sure I was a lesbian. But, I quickly found that I was fascinated with the penis and being penetrated by it. As for the men themselves, I liked them sure, but something was still missing. So I had assumed I was attracted to both men and women and therefore identified myself as bisexual. I had then, after more relationships with men, had another relationship with another woman. Turned out, she liked the penis more and couldn't work it out with me. Ok cool fine with me.

After three long years, my high school sweetheart and I had gotten back together. I felt complete again. But soon, I started missing the penetration and fingers weren't getting it. So I had suggested we try a strap on. Hesitant at first, she got on board and we bought one. We used it for the first time and we both loved it. It actually became a kind of fetish for both of us. She was the only one to wear it and wanted to keep it that way. I soon realized she had a fetish with "having a penis" and I had one of her having it too. Then after that she told me she may be having an identity crisis and she though she was transgender. She wanted to wear a packer and strap down and wear men's close. I fully supported it and was oddly into it.

For a while we were only doing it with the strap on. Then we went back and forth. I came to a realization that I liked it best with the strap on. But how could I? I needed her to have a penis, I was ashamed. She then thought she wanted to be a man and was seriously talking bout surgery and everything, seeing very interested. I was supportive and secretly phsyced bout it. Anyway, it did not happen and I'm fine with that. Here we are 10 years later with a dysfunctional sexual relationship. I thought about this for years and came up with that I possibly feel safer with women and that's why I chose a woman to be with for the rest f my life, but also maybe I love the person and not the gender. I don't know if that is a thing or not. I don't know if I'm a lesbian, bisexual, or any of the other terms because I sadly don't know what a lot of them mean. I love my wife, we've been happily married for 5 years, but when it come to my sexual preferences or orientation
(Not sure which one is the problem lol) I don't know what It is. Is there anyone out there who can educate me on this?

 

Yeah we both have some sexual issues we are attempting to work out, more of sex drive issues and creativity. We are happy but there's that area we we have to work on, much like most marriages have certain areas that aren't perfect. I'm not sure what pan sexual means but I will research it. Thank you!