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Did you always please your (straight) partner in bed?

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by NotTooLoud, Jul 10, 2019.

  1. JToivonen

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    If I'm able to sustain an erection, yes. Quite quickly, in fact. I think that maybe it get anxious not to lose my erection, so I climax fast. Then in the back of my mind comes this feeling of "mission accomplished".

    It has happened me losing my erection, sometimes inside her... I think I'm too focused on not losing it. It was somehow often for me to make sure she cums first and, when it's my turn, it's either too fast or doesn't happen because of my lack of arousal.

    It's not that I don't enjoy it, I'd be lying if I say that. But... I don't know how to explain.
     
  2. Bouldghirl

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    From the other side - the honest answer is “I don’t know’. He claimed to enjoying intimacy with me but over the last few years of our relationship I just felt a bit empty. Did I enjoy sex - yes I did physically. I now know that emotionally I was holding back. That was just the way it was.
     
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  3. NotTooLoud

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    Is it easier for women, since you don't have the erection issue to worry about (as per some of the comments above)?
     
  4. NotTooLoud

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    JToivonen,

    I suspect that what you mean is that there is some pleasure and relief for you physically, but you do not feel any sort of emotional fulfillment when its over. This was my case as well.
     
  5. NotTooLoud

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    I have not felt desire during the act for at least 20 years.
     
  6. NotTooLoud

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    I thought this was so, but have not experienced it with a guy.
     
  7. FooFight54

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    My wife and I were both virgins when we had sex the first time. We were in love so it was easy to please her. We were living our dreams, me being inside her. We even ventured to oral sex. I loved having my tougue deep inside her lovebox. She would give head as I envisioned a guy doing it.

    Then, two years ago, I told her I was Bi. She always knew something was different with me. I never persued her sexually as a horny straight man. Weird, but now, it made sense to her and me. Last time we had sex, I bottomed, with her on top. I truly loved it. She HATED IT. I sucked her fingers; she played with my nipples, my legs wrapped around her, it was so exciting.

    Today, its too difficult to go back to that straight lifestyle of lovemaking. I want a man's sexual touch.
     
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  8. Contented

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    This is so so true. Love bottoming for my BF. It is an incredible physical and emotion connection so much better than anything I experienced with straight sex.
     
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  9. TrevinMichael

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    My ex-wife said the sex was good. I was married to her when I was 21 to 33, kinda prime for sexual activity age wise. And I did love her.
    I loved everyone I was in a relationship with.
     
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  10. NotTooLoud

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    I separated from my wife in February. I just could no longer squelch my desire for men.
     
  11. NotTooLoud

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    It sounds like we all loved (or still love) our wives. We just didn't know who were were when we made that commitment. Or, we weren't sure, tried to deny it (even to ourselves) and/or we felt so much pressure from outside forces to live a straight life.
     
  12. NotTooLoud

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    I'm still a virgin as a gay man, and I feel a lot of reluctance about bottoming. Maybe my fears will ease when as time passes.
     
    #32 NotTooLoud, Jul 20, 2019
    Last edited: Jul 20, 2019
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  13. maybgayguy

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    Me too. I feel the reluctance but I really want that. I think it would such an amazing, deep way to connect.

    I like what someone said above that sex with women is really mechanical. I lose my erection when PIV but can only finish with oral and I have to close my eyes and fantasize that it is another man.
     
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  14. NotTooLoud

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    How long have you been married?
     
  15. TrevinMichael

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    You never have to be a bottom it is not a requirement.

    I was married 21 years divorced and now married 5 years to current wife
    Being Pansexual which is where I finally figured I fall is just the way I am.
    I always searched for love not sex. Sex came with the person I loved.

    When you show love in the form of sex you should not be pressured or feel forced to do things.
    My best friend is gay and never wants to be a top or a bottom. He does the things he likes to do when he is with someone he loves.
     
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  16. Stig500

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    I'm new on here, still with my wife and we dont have proper sex anymore, she said she used to enjoy it but I always tried to get away with just fingering her and finishing myself off. Now we sometimes masturbate together but I can only do it if I'm thinking about men, one in particular at the moment, and she knows this, I cant imagine ever having proper sex with her again now and all my fantasies are just about men.
     
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  17. Contented

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    I think this is the telltale sign that you lean towards gay. In my case at first I could barely maintain an erection even thinking about a male and then I couldn’t even do that. I knew then it time to embrace the gay me and on to an openly gay relationship with myBF.
     
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  18. NotTooLoud

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    Trevin,
    This is great to know! I was really worried about it as I'm just not sure it will work for me. I don't know that it won't; I'm just not sure it will, either. I thought it was expected. Thanks so much.
     
  19. NotTooLoud

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    I think Contented is on the mark. If you want to stay in the marriage, and she's open to, it might be time to try some role play and/or experiment with different positions or different kinds of sex (like some you mentioned). If she's not open to this, but also insists upon monogamy, your (personal) choices may be more limited.
     
  20. maybgayguy

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    Yeah this sounds right to me too. I am where Stigg is at. I rarely maintain an erection and it only works if I can close my eyes and fantasize about men when she gives me oral. Mostly now we just masturbate together. Even that happens only once every 2-3 months. On top of this, if she falls asleep after sex, I will get up and masturbate to gay porn that night. It can feel like such a task to orgasm with her. UGH....TMI but it feels good to write this out a bit.
     
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