1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is it okay to come out casually?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Tritri, Jul 4, 2019.

  1. Tritri

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2014
    Messages:
    323
    Likes Received:
    9
    Location:
    Nebraska, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don't want to make it a big deal at all, and want to tell people the way you tell them anything.
    For example, I have a close friend in college I haven't told I'm gay yet. It's not a secret; it simply hasn't come up. I don't plan on sitting him down and saying, "Hey, I have something to tell you..." (especially if his gaydar is good and he already knows or suspects). I would much rather that he asks me about a girlfriend, and I state that I like guys instead, and the conversation moves on.
    I'm just asking because everyone seems to think that it has to be a big event, even if you're telling people who you know will accept it. To me, sitting a bunch of people down to tell them I'm gay, or making a coming out cake, or whatever would make me feel narcissistic since it's all about me, and assuming that people care enough to want to be at such an event. If I were telling people who I thought might have a hard time accepting it, I'd be more willing to do that, but why should it be the case for people I know won't have an issue?
     
  2. DecentOne

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2017
    Messages:
    856
    Likes Received:
    482
    Location:
    East Coast US
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do it the way it seems right for that particular person and time. You don’t have to make it a prom-posal sized production.

    For example, I came out to a relative in the midst of a conversation about what was going on in our lives. Just slipped in “realized I’m bi this year” in the middle of things and went next on to talking about shopping for a car. Reaction was “wow, you said that so casually”. So it got heard just fine without cake, lemon bars, flag waving, etc.
     
  3. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,465
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Do what is natural and makes sense for you. There is no play book we all come out differently and in our own timeframe. It’s your coming out do it your way!
     
  4. Mysteria

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 11, 2017
    Messages:
    489
    Likes Received:
    102
    Location:
    Oregon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Do it however feels best for you! It is about you, after all. :slight_smile:
     
  5. HM03

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 2, 2013
    Messages:
    2,623
    Likes Received:
    508
    Location:
    Pergatory
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No, I agree! I try to come out casually whenever possible. My first few coming outs were formal and awkward, and the ones I was scared shitless to come out to were also formal. Now that I've gained a bit of experience coming out and come out to people like my dad, I hope the rest of my coming outs are casual.

    Just do what feels best for you :slight_smile:
     
  6. CL1990

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 12, 2015
    Messages:
    306
    Likes Received:
    52
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Other
    Gender Pronoun:
    Other
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    i feel exactly the same as you!!and i have never sat anyone down beside my mom. i find it very self centered, specially with people i dont know that much so i just come out cassually.... do it always jow it feel best, we have to make it easier on ourselves not harder!!
     
  7. 0to21

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 10, 2019
    Messages:
    54
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Depending on where you live, if it's safe then I don't see why not.

    While I agree with you that making it into an event feels unnecessary (and actually makes me cringe,) I predict it's going feel like that when faced with certain people regardless of whether I'm attempting to just 'slip' it in or not. If the culture is generally progressive, then the only other obstacle is your own personal experience. I've heard of many instances where past bullying, abuse etc. cruelly complicate this process - as well as many other things in life which are meant to be relatively simple when they're not interfered with.

    I feel fine talking about it with strangers/new people if it comes up. The difficulty only arises with anyone who has ever 'known' me - least crossed paths with me - as it's likely they're still invested in a particular version of me.