kids are 4, 7, and 10 I am considering tell them I’m gay as well as maybe that there’s a guy who I love. They know and like him. Their mother isn’t very involved, it’s mostly just me and my kids. Any advice would be appreciated.
Just be honest and totally yourself. Kids can see through pretense. Be sincere, loving, kind and you.
Hi Fidget, I know you said last summer your ex brought the kids to Pride, and that they had remarked about you and your friend “Bob”. You could just say “remember last summer...” and then tell them.
I'll echo what others have said. Be yourself and be honest with them. Also, remember that you don't need to explain things in detail - something simple about you liking a guy should suffice, considering their age. There's a personal story from Sean Plott (a gamer streamer) about something similar. I don't remember in which video he said this, but he told the audience a story about his childhood where he, a kid, noticed his mom was friends with a lesbian couple. He was curious about it (he didn't know they were a couple, but he noticed they weren't just friends), so he asked his mom about it, and she said something like "Son, there are different types of love. Sometimes, a man likes a woman. Sometimes, a man likes a man. And, sometimes, a woman likes a woman." And he was like: "Oh, ok, cool!", and went back to playing. I think this story is a good example of the fact that, sometimes, we worry too much about how we are going to tell children about being LGBT+ (or that LGBT+ people exist), when, in truth, things aren't as complicated as they may appear to an adult. A simple explanation should suffice in most cases and, if the child has any questions, you may then answer considering the appropriate language and level of detail for each age.
I overheard something very similar to this at our ZooLights festival here in Chicago. Pretty much any event that's all about the sort of wonder of Christmas (in a largely non-religious way) here in Chicago tends to be kind of chock full of gay male couples. It's just the way it is--the tree exhibit at the Museum of Science and Industry, any production of the Nutcracker, the various Christmas Villages and of course ZooLights. It's not like people make out but they wander around holding hands drinking hot chocolate and oohing an aahing. It's actually quite lovely, and of course there are a lot of children. One night while we were there, I overheard a mother give pretty much exactly the speech above. Presumably the little boy with her had noticed and asked. I thought his response to this little speech that surely the mother had not intended to give that evening (although I really admired how prepared she was) was wonderful: "cool, can we get hot chocolate too?"
My 6-year-old son was pretty much unfazed by me telling him about my girlfriend. It hasn’t been an issue at all.
Just wanted to give my support; I have minor children that I"m going to need to, in the very near future, come out to and I'm terrified. They don't live with me, so my situation is a little different but I have a seven and a ten year old as well as some older children so I can relate to your concerns. In the "coming out" section, there is a thread of mine on coming out to children, and I got a couple of good responses. I think it's important to give kids some kind of explanation on (what will seem like) big changes or unusual things. Kids always know more then we think they do. I think you're going in the right direction here. If you decide to, let us know how it goes!
Here's my 2 cents. I suspect young kids do not know fully what gay is. Perhaps a better approach is, here's a pic of who I like and I'm in love with him. The rest will fall into place over time.
