So basically I'm in a constant state of confusion when it comes to my sexuality, I used to identify as a lesbian but now I'm thinking I might be bi. My wish is to just go to my mom and just explain the whole situation to her in hopes that she might help me through this journey that I've already gone through years without much outside support, and having her helping me out in whatever way would make me feel a lot better, I think. The problem is that I don't want to risk having our relationship be ruined when I'm still very much depending on both my parents. And I know she's fairly supportive of the LGBT community as far as Romanian parents go: she was very much against a referendum that tried to further state that gay marriage is not allowed, and whenever my sister tells her about things related to her gay friend, my mom is always like "tell him to be careful", or just acts very motherly, I guess. She lets me express myself in whatever way I want even though she's a bit skeptical some times. Idk, she's fine with the Gays, but more in a "i don't really care what they. It's their business" kind of way. I'm just afraid of things going very badly. I also can't find a good time for it. It'd need to be a secret for dad, since he's homophobic and I *really* don't want him to find out until I'm actually sure, so he'll need to be gone for a while, but that harldy ever happens. I'm also kinda sure they're suspecting it? I literally look and act like a guy, they can't see that as 100% straight, right?Mom has asked me a few times if I wanted to be a boy, to which I responded that I don't. Thoughts? Even if she reacted well, do you think it's a good idea to just inform her of what's been going on with me, or just tell her when I'm sure of myself?
Honestly, it sounds like she'd be fine with it. If you guys have a decent/good relationship (or even if you don't), I feel like your relationship likely could improve. My dad and I got a bit closer after I started being more honest. Having support and people to talk to helps with figuring out your identity and feel more confident with it. Sometimes all of our feelings cloud our judgement of situations/things, and our friends/family have an easier time giving unbiased advice. Your mom may be able to guess how things will go with your dad better than you could, or help warm him up to LGBT accpetance. The only thing I'd be weary of - I'm sure your dad is one of the first people your mom tells stuff to, so I don't think it's necessarily the best to expect her to hold secrets from him for an extended period of time (like months and months)
I'm always reluctant to advise members to tell one parent and swear them to secrecy from the other, because that really places the parent in the know in an untenable position. Whilst it's understandable that you want the support of your mom, you can't really expect her to conceal things from your dad. When we are confused about our sexuality, it's best to confide in other people who have been through the whole process and that's really where LGBT communities like Empty Closets come in. How about creating a new thread where you talk about the confusion you have experienced and tell us what you would wish to tell your mom. It's entirely possible we can offer some feedback and perspective, if we know more. Coming out at the age of 16, while you live at home with parents can be complicated. If you are not very sure of their feelings about same sex relationships it could make life very difficult for you and lead to an even worse outlook. What are your plans for the future? What are the prospects of moving out of the family home in the near future? It really might be best to bide your time and use this forum for support when you need it.
Talking to your mother is very important. Mothers today with new infants, have to think their daughter will me married to a man or a woman. This was not the case with me or you. So yes, you need to have a open heart talk with your mother. She may be disappointed at first, because she has raised you to be with a man. She could question her child rearing of you when you were a child, and feel her actions were in vane. That is how my mother felt when me and my girlfriend confronted her. I have sisters, and it was more complex dealing with them then my mother. Because, growing up with sisters, your bonding with your sisters. If you have a sister or sisters, they could feel you had a crush on them. So if you have sisters, you have to talk about this subject too.
I don't think that would be the case with my sister? It's kind of a weird situation to be in, not gonna lie, but that's definitely not mine. She already knows that I'm not straight and she is very supportive about it (as in, any time there's a discussion between her, my cousin and I about boyfriends and stuff, she turns to me after the two of them finished talking and asks me "and you? Is there a boy you like? Or a girl??". But I've never opened up in the past because I was a coward rip). And now that I think about it I could turn to her for advice but I don't want to? It's weird, it's like there's this blockage whenever I want to talk to her about anything even though she's super cool, and the fact that she's moved out to another city definitely doesn't help. The thing is that I have two cousins that I've told but one of them can only be there to listen because she's going through the same thing, while the other I hardly ever meet. But even though I have these people who can be my emotional support, it's not the same as if I were to talk to my mother. I've thought it through and I won't tell her until later, when I can also be sures enough to talk to dad about it, though I can only feel like I'm not a normal child because I don't speak about my crushes or whatever with my parents which should just be a casual subject to discuss. As if I'm preventing my parents from being part of this whole other side of my life, kinda like excluding them from the whole parenting experience? Does that make sense?? But it's also dumb because it's because of them that I can't share it with them. I'm rambling pf. As of my future, I don't know. My dream is to study abroad, but that's not something that we could afford. The next option would be studying in another city, but my parents keep on insisting that I stay in my hometown for university because it would be more convenient. Either way, I can't provide for myself until after university, which, added to how many years of highschool I have left, means around 8 years, add or take. And that's a lot of time of being closeted still, assuming everything would go horribly wrong, which I doubt and definitely dont
*continuation because it got posted for some reason and i can't edit* And definitely dont hope for. Anyway, thanks for the replies, everyone!
