ive posted a few times here and im. i wanted to hear from whomever would like to weigh in ive been struggling with my orientation for over 12 years now? and its not only become this never ending echo chamber but its also become a problem for other people around me. it always becomes this sort of fight in my head where its aggressively towards men. but theres also this. deep longing? for women? and wanting to love women romantically and sexually? despite not being very interested or nervous/fluttery around women. i keep thinking i must love men bc x y and z reason. theres a lot but i suppose the gist of it is--is there anyone else who feels like they desperately wished they could love women Every Day? its Every Day almost every other moment. like the lack of certain feelings just. destroys me. especially since i was with girls and all i ever felt was anxious despite loving them. one of my biggest fears is kissing/being with a man and then knowing that yes i never actually liked women. or feeling so complete and happy that i know im incapable of feeling like tht for a woman. especially since i feel fluttery and nervous/sparks at the touch around men and gay men in general. or "oh yes youre just unable to get a man so you turned to women as a last resort" which is really offensive and uncool.
I’ll tell you what I’ve read on here many times and what always helps me in times of doubt: people who are straight don’t go around wishing daily they could be with and love the same sex. If you wish you were gay, more than likely you probably are.
yeah. i just. i hope it isnt a stepping stone. or ultimately something that just gives way to being a straight gnc woman or a Gay Trans Man (both of which are valid and important identities). like if i could just. Feel that arousal or like. electricity or smth tht Validated it id b fine. i dont know if this is just a fruitless struggle against being what i actually am--or if its just a cop out and im just afraid of being with men. its. very weird. i dont like this. id like to be able to feel happy and sexual/romantic feelings for women and other genders in a Very Obvious way.
Hi there! Reading over your posts, I started to wonder, as to whether you might be overthinking things, or trying to hurry things along. Doing that, can at times have the opposite effects of what the intentions are as stress, frustration only mounts. Related, some of the fears and worries that you have, can certainly play a role in wanting to have answers or gaining some insights at least. Have you had a chance to speak with somebody, such as a counsellor about it?
thank u so much for responding i have been seeing a counselor and she says i do present as a multigender attracted person. i just. i am trying to hurry things along. and i just get more frustrated because i worked so hard to get here and be okay with the Concept of being queer. and then all of that just to end up in a tougher, angrier, more defeated space? i dont feel like i belong in wlw spaces and i dont know where to go aside from being with a guy. its Constantly in my head and over my shoulder. i know i keep harking on about this and its exhausting.
It is understandable as to why you would like to have an answer and feel that things are settled. I think it is great that you are already speaking with a counselor and hopefully this will help you to move forward. Have you spoken with your counselor about where you feel you are at and the associated feelings you have, i.e feeling defeated, angry, etc...? It might be worthwhile to explore these deeper if you haven't had a chance to do so yet and maybe ask if there are some strategies you could look into that could help you to let the chips fall where they may fall in their own time. Sometimes, figuring things out can be a long process, and as frustrating it is at times, you'll be able to figure it out. (*hug*)
I just want to re-emphasize that if you wish you liked girls, you like girls, and it doesn't have to be any more complicated than that. Maybe there are some other issues going on here. I know you've mentioned that you've had some confusion regarding your gender, and that can certainly contribute to your confusion in your orientation. Maybe it's also possible that you're dealing with a ton of internalized homophobia, which can make it harder for us to see ourselves as we are. But I don't think anyone, regardless of gender or internalized homophobia, would wish this hard that they liked girls if they didn't already like girls. Can you think of any other reason why you would be this confused? Can you think of any reason why the thought of not liking girls makes you sad?
thank you--i think i will at some point. ive been talking to a counselor about it now for a considerable while and frankly i think its just hard to let go and move on with certain things. it also seems to be wrapped up with my mental health? which is concerning to say the least. it's very much a point of contention that eventually i'm gonna have to just give in to whatever it may be. whether i like it or not. hey @Leah061 its good to see you! yeah i mean ive never felt or been particularly feminine or been attracted to feminine girls per se, like i see sapphic women talking about their first crushes on shego or princess cinderella when that frankly was not even an option in my mind as a kid. (i grew up in a homophobic home and my pre-adolescent years was spent shipping boys together :T) i always felt way more masculine or androgyne presenting. i know it shouldnt be more complicated than if you wanted to like girls then you like girls. or that you actually dont like women because this this and that or you would feel this and you wouldnt panic/freak out in a relationship or when she does that thing. or little things like lesbians talk about being terrified of talking to pretty women and im terrified of talking to any man. frankly if i could choose it i would like a person regardless of gender and have the same sort of attraction to anyone or at the very least be Genuinely Attracted to more than one gender (Pansexual/Panromantic or Bisexual/Biromantic). but that just isnt the actual case. i am in therapy and have been for a while to try and deal with this issue (and others)--but i know why it makes me sad. because in the life that my 'signs' or 'tells' are pointing to--it doesnt have any option for a potential genuine romance/relationship with a woman. and the women (and enbies) ive really cared about ultimately will fall into the role of a stepping stone towards a 'true identity' of being solely attracted to men. or that the feelings i've experienced are all just a Lie and that i was forcing that desire this whole time because i am desperately lonely and undesirable by men (which would Piss Anyone Off). it all seems to point to the experience of a Trans Gay Man or an Androphile Nonbinary Person. like i remember shaking a queer man's hand and feeling that rush of electricity so many people talk about when talking about people they're attracted to and it just shut me down. admittedly i really do think that it's a lot of s**t wrapped up in my own issues. i just want it to stop so i can live my life however I'm supposed to. It's about getting to the point where I'm okay with that I suppose. thank yall for asking after me and i'm sorry that i keep pressing this issue.
also i know ive talked multiple times about this and im sorry it sounds so crazy/repetitive. thank you for even now still replying. it is appreciated.
Hi there, it is quite alright to talk about things for some time. Every time you write about it, it can help in finding some other insights. At some point, you will need to find strategies to let go and begin to move on from some of the things. If you don't mind me asking, how open have you been with your counsellor about everything? Are there things you haven't talked about yet? There are moments where you might need to try out dating someone, or spending some time and get to know them more, to be able to learn as to what helps you to feel attracted to someone or how you connect with someone. What kind of issues are you trying to deal with?
I mean, you don't have to worry about your previous experiences or whatever "signs" you may or may not have had while growing up while you're figuring out who you are now. How you felt as a kid, or even last year, or yesterday, doesn't have to be *the* defining standard for what you feel now. You don't have to feel held back by a lack of adequate "signs". Maybe you just don't like femininity? How would you feel about being with a masculine, or androgynous woman? It also sounds like you should really entertain the possibility that you could be a trans gay man or nb person, as you said. If you know that the way you feel about men is natural and right, maybe that's a path you should explore. Like I said, previous "signs", or lack thereof, don't have to mean anything in how you understand yourself now, but I thought it was interesting you mentioned that you used to ship men characters with other men, and that you seem to think that you will inevitably realize you're solely attracted to men. Do you think your attraction to different genders would look or feel different if you were a trans man or nb? Since your thread was about liking girls, do you think it would be easier for you to like girls if you were trans? I'm sorry, I wish I had something better to offer, struggling with gender identity isn't something I've personally experienced. It's frustrating to hear while you're questioning, but truly, you don't have to worry about labels. Just remind yourself that whatever you feel, whenever you feel it, it is perfectly fine and normal exactly the way it is, and you don't have to have an explanation for it now, or ever.
Sometimes our emotional desires, romantic desires, intellectual desires and sexual desires might not match, and what's worse - sometimes one or a few of these desires can be so much stronger than sexual attraction, but unfortunately we, humans, are built the way that in the long term, sexual desires drive it all. I myself am a man who is intellectually, emotionally very attracted to women and I have had relationships that got further than "just friends", but unfortunately my sexual desires don't wake up, and sometimes this makes me want to cry. I mean - hey, this is a nice lady, I'm so attached to her, we have lots of fun together, I feel more manly and chivalrous around her (yeah, I'm more into stereotypical feminine ladies). I like our conversations, I like how she decorates the house, I like everything about her and I even would want to merry her and be with her my entire life... except that I cannot give her full intimate love she deserves. With men, it's totally different - I haven't yet met (I'm 40 now) a man with whom I could achieve the same level of closeness as with women. Also, my sexual desires for men are very narrow and fragile but the "craving" is strong enough to keep me away from calling myself asexual and finding an asexual woman to live with, because somewhere in my subconscious part there's that thought "what if someday you meet the right man?" So, yeah, things can be very complicated. Sometimes I wish there was no sex at all. Then I would be happily together with some nice lady.
