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Afraid

Discussion in 'Gender Identity and Expression' started by Smra, Jun 30, 2019.

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Help I have doubts

Poll closed Jul 7, 2019.
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  1. Smra

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Straight
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    Some people
    Hey,

    I just made the decision this year to sign up for medication (testosterone).
    I'm a person that doesn't go halfway. I go all the way, meaning if I do this and pursuit I will also go for breast and bottom surgery.

    The problem is.. I am getting real scared about this decision of T etc.

    I have never really felt like a woman and have found a way to cope by acceptance in being lesbian. Now that I'm getting older this doesn't suit me as well. I see myself with muscles, a beard, wider jaw and a penis. But the road I have to go through to get there scares me.

    Am I making the right decision? What are the questions to ask myself?

    (I am also starting to talk to a psychologist)

    But I'm hoping to also find answers here

    Thank you for reading and specially for replying if you do
     
  2. MICHELLE B

    Regular Member

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    Just your hesitation should say NO to it.
    This is one thing that has caused so many to take their lives a few years down the road.
    I am a male but a lifelong tranny, I pondered the choice over 30 years ago.
    Then the only conversion surgery was overseas and a high risk operation at that.
    I found a woman who actively indulges in my desires, today she would even support transition surgery.
    Today we have 2 daughters, never a better choice was made.
    Our desires and taste change as we age, this is a constant, you may abruptly change yours, but no turning back when done.
    I talked to a completed trans MTF a while ago, she said the sexual satisfaction was far below her previous male ejaculation sensations.
    I know that I evolved in many ways over the years, including my desire for the transition, which today is just a passing fantasy.
    Up until about age 25 I wanted the surgery, then with the death of a family member, mortality was staring me in the face.
    I did a one eighty, now I wanted kids were as before, no part of them.
    The woman I was dating was always behind me being a TV, eventually we got married.
    My teen years and pre-teen years were wild times with me acting the tranny for relatives, was a well trained little (girl)boy.
    Mind you now, I never sought out males at any age I was, I did enjoy getting used a lot by men when a teen a earlier.
    It was at that time I thought I should be female to better accommodate them, that thought carried on until my mid 20's.
    As a teen, I had female friend, Shirley, very pretty who evolved into a lesbian, changed her appearance to suite,
    never found what she was looking for, killed herself at 27.
    Today, I know I made the right choices in the past, had I gone the route, depression would have followed years after.
    Try being bi for a while, enjoy both sides, find a man who will treat you like another man like I did a woman, and love it.
    The focus on sex also diminishes with age, postpone this choice for a few years at least while having therapy.
     
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  3. Kodo

    Full Member

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    Hi there. Making the decision to start testosterone is a big step, and it is natural to feel apprehensive at first. I would ask what exactly about starting testosterone are you most concerned about?

    I cannot tell you what decision you should make. But since you said you see yourself with a beard, muscles, a dick etc. that seems to indicate that transitioning could be a good idea. You can try experimenting with reversible things at first - like your name, pronouns, clothing, accessories, hair style, mens deodorant/cologne. You could try working out to build muscle definition as well or even try makeup beards to see what you’d look like with one. You can try packing with a prosthetic penis to get a feel for that and some of those allow you to pee standing up or to have penetrative sex. Those are just some of the things you can do in the meantime to kind of test the waters about whether testosterone would be the next step.

    Also, just educating yourself further on the effects of testosterone and having realistic expectations for what it could do for you. If you have any more questions or would just like to chat with a transguy whose been through the process, you can feel free to post on my profile to talk to me directly. I have been on hormones for a year and a half, and had top surgery a month ago. All the best to you, friend.
     
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  4. Smra

    Regular Member

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    Thank you for sharing this with me
     
  5. Smra

    Regular Member

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    Location:
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    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Some people

    Thank you I appreciate this very much