1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Pride month...I’m Gay!!!!!!!

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Gayhusband, Jun 23, 2019.

  1. Gayhusband

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 18, 2017
    Messages:
    100
    Likes Received:
    95
    Location:
    Tex
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I’m gay. I’ve been gay for probably 35 years that I can recall. I’m still closeted to most. My wife knows. We’re dealing with “it”. I’m done with the fear of anybody knowing....but! I’m married and and committed to being the husband I agreed to being. I’m gay and not unashamed for once in my life ️‍. My wife has been there to help me realize the truth. It’s been a tough road. I don’t want to leave her but I’m soooooo gay now I feel I can’t go on without expressing my homo tendencies/urges. I’m so conflicted, the path of truth awaits me, but the finality of leaving my wife/best friend scares the hell out of me! It’s so horrible, what I’ve done. Hiding from myself has caused so much trouble and pain. Being with men is so intoxicating to me. I can’t believe the sway my homosexual urges have over me. I’ve cheated on her recently and I’m disgusted by it. I know now there is only deceit now between us. I have to face it. She’ll hate me. She questioned my sexuality years ago and I lied. I thought admitting I was “Gay” would be admitting weakness. I was wrong, I now no it would be a show of strength.
     
  2. Adam1981

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Dec 17, 2018
    Messages:
    11
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Richmond VA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Do you think your wife could agree to let you have a male play partner to satisfy your homosexual desires? Me and my ex gf discussed something like that before we broke up.
     
  3. arken1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2014
    Messages:
    93
    Likes Received:
    16
    Location:
    WA, USA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Bit confused when men are in sexual relationships with women, yet say they are gay. You're sure you're not bi? I can't possibly imagine forcing myself to have sex with a woman, as it feels way too foreign of a concept. I've always felt that way, since I was a kid.

    Hard to advise this situation. I would keep on the path toward being your true self, and figure out how life can look going forward. Maybe you turn it into an open-relationship? I would imagine you've had a good life with your family and can continue to do so, maybe it'll just look a little different? Also, by coming out, you show your kids and others not only your strength, but that they can be comfortable being themselves, too.
     
    Gayhusband likes this.
  4. Nic2552

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2018
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    116
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    That’s tough.. you can’t keep running away from your true self , being gay will not ever change .. it’s who you are .. You need to break up with her as harsh as it sounds and live with a man ..Is a man who you deeply truly want to be with ? Does men satisfy you? If yes ... You need to break up with her ..she will be hurt but . she will thank you in the future..
     
    Gayhusband and NotTooLoud like this.
  5. TaurusMage

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 16, 2019
    Messages:
    40
    Likes Received:
    8
    Location:
    United States
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    ^ ^ ^ It's true, she will. If I was married to a man, no matter how long we had been together, and he was actually gay--I mean, I wouldn't want to be with him. Not because I would feel he was "wrong" (I'm here, aren't I?), but because he would be happier with someone he was truly attracted to, and I would be happier with someone who was truly attracted to me. Still, I can't imagine what it must be like for you since you do say that she is your best friend . . . I would like to point out that it is possible that she would be open to continuing a friendship with you even through divorce.

    It sounds to me like you need to face this. I know it's terrifying, but it's pretty clear from what you've written here that you need to be fully open with who you are, living your life to the fullest extent of what you want it to be like. It will be better for all involved in the long run. Be brave, friend.
     
    Nic2552 and FooFight54 like this.
  6. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,467
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I understand completely once you acknowledge your gay feelings it like a speeding freight train of emotions. The more you try to ignore them the stronger they become until you have to openly admit to yourself you are a homosexual plain and simple needing to be in same sex relationship. This is the only way to eventually find the peace you need. It is a hard rocky path but the destination is worth the trip. Never imagined as much pleasure and contentment was possible with another man. Wish I had abandoned my pseudo heterosexuality much much earlier.
     
  7. NotTooLoud

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 15, 2019
    Messages:
    230
    Likes Received:
    156
    Location:
    Washington state
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would have to agree with the others; ending the marriage (but not necessarily the relationship) is in your best interest, if you intend to have an authentic life from now on. And, man, it's tough. I moved out in February of this year, but mine was easy because we harbored so much anger for each other by then over past issues (having nothing to do with my preference for men). If you stay, and keep cheating on her, she'll hate you for it. The sooner, the better, my friend, for everyone.
     
    TaurusMage, Nic2552 and FooFight54 like this.
  8. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Wow. I'm so there too. Haven't been out with anyone yet, but looking. Thought I couldn't face parting company with my wife, who won't abide me being gay. So I've clung on. But feelings are growing. Stronger. Superimposing on everything I do.
     
    Gayhusband likes this.
  9. Contented

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 23, 2017
    Messages:
    1,467
    Likes Received:
    2,321
    Location:
    Upstate NY
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    This is true. As I came to acknowledge my homosexuality it became an almost an overwhelming desire to free myself from the heterosexual world and be with a man. It started to consume all my thoughts until I knew I had to take action. Once I did eliminate the hetero part of my life and embrace being 100 % gay it started to ease until it just became the normal for me. Being gay now is like breathing just a part of who I am.
     
    Gayhusband, FooFight54 and TaurusMage like this.
  10. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I know how tempting it can be to need to experience the intimacy that is part of who you are. Are you planning on discussing this with her? Have you considered moving on with your life and leaving her without getting into all of the details? It sounds like you have decided you need to leave the marriage.

    This will be rough for sure. But, you do need to be who your are and you do need to let your wife be who she is. This isn't the end of the world. You'll get through it and be better on the other side.

    Best luck man.
     
  11. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    This is something I've heard over and over again. Frankly it had me running in the opposite direction. Like just about everyone in this (long term) married situation-with-teenage-kids scenario I just could not see an alternative to buckling down, putting personal matters on a shelf and thinking primarily of others. My LGBT group, who I see hardly ever, told me quite strongly that I've got to think more about myself because others around me are just going to have a miserable time as they suffer from my underlying mood. I've been thinking about that more lately, and realise that there's been a fundamental sadness in my life for years - and I think this might be the cause. I did come out to my wife two and a half years ago; and managed to handle the ultimatum delivered which was "Leave!". I simply have no where to go. But this reality won't hide, it just keeps trying to get out. So I told some close friends. That didn't work as one of them declared her absolute support to my wife. "OMG, I'm so sorry to hear that your husband is gay". Like it was a disease. All this and my brother has been openly gay for 30 years. Sorry, I digress. Now, there's just so much in the media - Derek Jarman's 'Modern Nature' on BBC R4 - Pride month and many companies adopting the rainbow - television programs with gay sub plots. It's everywhere and I'm beginning to think it's about time I jumped. I'm more stupid than brave, maybe that will carry me through it. But I don't want to be living in the back of my car cut off from everyone and everything. Torture. What is there to gain? It's easy to read all your stories, guys, but I'm warm and cosy right here....sheeesh.
     
  12. Nickw

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2016
    Messages:
    2,335
    Likes Received:
    1,397
    Location:
    Out West
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Of course everyone needs to make their decision based on what is good for themselves and their families.

    I have a gay friend who is happily "gay celibate" in a hetero marriage and he makes it work. But, he is not seeking intimacy outside the marriage and he is able and enjoys intimacy with his wife.

    Once we reach the point where we are discreetly having intimacy outside the marriage then I believe it is really time to consider ending the marriage for the benefit of everyone involved.

    The angst that comes up when cheating is caught is a serious strain on the entire family. And, cheating gets caught....often.

    If you can provide what your wife needs in a MOM. Then that's fine. As long as everyone is open and honest about what they are doing. And, as long as everyone is living in a way that provides an honest and authentic life.

    There are many ways to do this.
     
    #12 Nickw, Jun 26, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 26, 2019
    Maldoone, Adam1981 and FooFight54 like this.
  13. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, we're all adults and the blindingly obvious would seem to be the right way to handle this. It's not a logical world, this sexuality thing, and not helped when one's wife is, frankly, not sexual at all. And that's not a age thing. Because it's been that way for thirty years, I guess I should just put up and shut up. But the sexuality reawakening (for me, from earlier SSA),has muddled things rather well!
     
  14. maybgayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2015
    Messages:
    218
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    MN
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    These things are SO difficult to figure out while married. For me, I would prefer if my wife was NOT sexual. I have a difficult time enjoying sex with her and it makes me anxious. I have to be very horny and think about being with a guy to make it work at all.

    Of course I am still closeted. I love her dearly and have this great family. I also haven’t been with a guy so this part of me is telling myself my desire for gay sex is a kink or fetish. Maybe I won’t like it if I try it. I am not sure crossing the line to coming out is best for anyone in my case. I get really depressed when I think about it.
     
  15. Lgbtqpride

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 3, 2018
    Messages:
    283
    Likes Received:
    65
    Location:
    Earth
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I think you love your wife like a friend, like shes your sister.You can come out to her and remain as bestfriend.
     
  16. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hmm. Yes. And. No. I did come out to her. We are friends or life companions, soul mates, whatever. But that didn't stop her trying to eject me from the family home. I'm not sure what she was thinking regards relationship with our two boys. They're old enough now to have their own thoughts. I spend life trying to avoid all conversation about LGBT+ issues. I don't make heart felt comments about LGBT issues. Partly I guess because I think people are people and i like to not compartmentalise and group people. Least of all on their sexuality. Anyway that utopian ideal don't work here. But hey, can only wish for utopia.
     
  17. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You lucky, happy man! Oh I wish.
     
  18. Maldoone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 7, 2018
    Messages:
    184
    Likes Received:
    121
    Location:
    Edinburgh
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    A few people
    I'm with you on the wondering what I'm thinking about. It's been a while since I enjoyed them nocturnal company of a guy. The memory of sunlit afternoons and late lights, talking poetry and philosophy and stuff. Sex was a part of it too, but the completeness, the feeling of being with a person, same sex, was really really well it was and felt good. And it circled a square or squared a circle. Ask yourself if that's part of your desire and it the answer is yes then like me you're gay. Not that I can celebrate or share with anyone. Let alone me wife. Don't know about my children yet. Woe.
     
  19. maybgayguy

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Jan 17, 2015
    Messages:
    218
    Likes Received:
    64
    Location:
    MN
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Yeah this is beautifully put. It is, not just part of my desire, but perfectly describes it.