PRIDE-What does it mean to you?

The month/parades to me are about the right to exist without discrimination and persecution. That's why there isn't any straight pride parades.

Internally, it means accepting myself and living my best life

 

My own journey with learning about my sexuality has been a sort of on-going process (I mean, isn't it basically always?). What Pride means to me, what my place in the LGBTQ+ community means to me, what I even am and what that means to me has all been on my mind quite a lot recently. I haven't fully figured everything out just yet, so my answer to this question will change one day, I'm sure.

But for now, Pride has a lot to do with "fixing" what has been done to the world. It is about coming to a more natural state of things, where love is love and there is no discrimination of anyone based on their gender or their sexuality.

 

At the moment, not much. It's just an average month for me, except with more rainbows. However, I do like the fact that it exists. Fairly recently I went shopping with a friend of mine, he is also gay. We saw some pride related clothing, some of it we found to be too over the top. However, there were a few items that we liked the look of.

I'm not exactly closeted per say, but I am hesitant about talking openly about crushes. When I'm in a group, and the topic of relationships comes up I usually just stay quiet. There a few exceptions, such as with close friends or the LGBT groups I'm in. I would like to be a bit more open, but sometimes I can't get the words out. Even though it was a long time ago, when I try to come out I sometimes think about times where coming out has gone badly. This causes me to choke on my words and stay quiet. It's fitting that the particular memory that comes to mind involves having my mouth covered by someone.

However, it is a relief talking about gay related things with friends. I like how relaxed I feel about it, and how I can be myself around them. Gradually I am becoming more confident, and hopefully one day that memory won't stop me like it does currently.

 

I think for me Pride is about gratitude and solidarity--about all those people who cleared the path before me and all those people who have chosen to walk the path with me, and all those people who still need that path broadened, deepened, expanded. I still remember twenty five years ago going to my first Pride. I grew up in Utah. When I was growing up I honestly didn't know that gay people existed. It wasn't like I thought they were bad people, I sort of thought I might be the only one and I just couldn't see a way forward. It's why I tried to kill myself my senior year of high school. And so going to the Pride Parade was a revelation. The crowd in Chicago wasn't a million people like it is now but it was huge and the parade seemed like it stretched forever. It all seemed so normal and everyone was so happy and it all just seemed so normal to be so happy. And it still blows my mind that when I first went some twenty-five years ago they'd already been doing it for twenty-five years...

I think it's about coming into the light--not just of openness and honesty but of hope and love. Many (in my day most) of us grew up being told by society that we would never be alright, that we would never be happy or find love--that instead we would live dark lives in the shadows. And we stood up as individuals and as a community, came into the light and said no and found ways to be happy and honest and fulfilled, and yes, proud. I think of a community that has endured such profound grief and alienation, who have been subjected to such hatred, revulsion and violence and responded with grace and courage and integrity, with art and with a humanity so all encompassing as to be breathtaking.

I think of the Quilt (my husband made a block) and the angels that surrounded Mathew Shepard's funeral, I think of Angels in America and Love, Valor, Compassion. I think of those drag queens who blew kisses at the protestors at my second Pride Parade. I think of Marsha Johnson and Paul Monette, Andrew Holeran and Armisted Maupin, Harvey Milk and Larry Kramer, Edie Windsor and Audre Lord, Aaron Fricke and Urvashi Vaid. I think about Billy Jack Gaither and wonder if he was still alive when they burned him. I think of the hospice networks in the eighties in San Francisco and the Act Up die-ins. I think of the Trevor Project and the Mattachines. And of course I think of the Stonewall Riots and how two years before I was even born those queens were already building a world I could live in...

And then I think of all those beautiful young men I dated, culminating of course in my husband. I think of picnics in the park and street fairs, of all that dancing and all that brunch. And all those wise old queens who told us how it was and how it used to be (a status I'm knocking on the door of myself). And some amazing Halloween costumes. I think of all the men who held me as I wept and all those I held in return. I think of all those men and women who woke up one day and decided that living a life of love and honesty is worth the risk, and if the world forsakes them and they lose everything, well they'll find new things. And I think of the fact that my life is filled with such people, people of such strength and courage, beautiful people full of joy and love and defiance.

And I guess that's what Pride means to me...

 

To me, having pride means being open and honest and sharing all aspects of my life. Not just my flirty sexual side that wants to have fun, but the geeky side of me who enjoys video games and TV shows, the creative, artistic side of me who likes drawing and music, the sensitive guy who loves animals and nature, and being a sweet uncle to his nieces and nephews. The guy who puts in a hard day's work keeping everything organized and running smoothly, and then likes to chill out at home and be lazy. And even the vulnerable side of me who gets depressed sometimes, because of how difficult it is to find like-minded friends, the men I've liked who didn't like me back, and those really dark moments when I felt like I would never amount to anything and I was just taking up space. I like to acknowledge all of my strengths and weaknesses and embrace all aspects of my life, good and bad.

Treating Pride festivals like they are an excuse to forget all my woes and go out and get drunk and make a fool of myself does not work for me.

 

It's multiple things. I had to really think about it for few days and I am glad I did. I have been annoyed about the image people have about pride events. Overly sexual and so on. I haven't participated in any events and I generally just let people think I am straight and cis.

But then again I have struggled a lot and honestly I am lucky to be alive. Some of it happened because I am LGBT. I have heard so many stories and met so many broken people. I know we are worth fighting for and I know there are so many people who need support and someone who understands. We need each other for that so coming together and finding each other is important. Sometimes you need to hear someone else tell you that you are worth the struggle and that there is hope. I am 30 years old and only now I am starting to actually enjoy life sometimes but even one good day is always worth it.

We also need allies. Those straight cispeople who see us as normal people are everything. They need to be the majority on this Earth. Those people also need to hear about us sometimes so they won't forget.

Personally it means that I should stop being ashamed of being a bit broken because of everything that has happened. I can't help it now and I couldn't affect those things before. I want to be strong and support others but I am just a human myself. There is no shame in that.

 

Pride month is a month where we celebrate equality.