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So weary of heartache

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Peterpangirl, Jun 19, 2019.

  1. Peterpangirl

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    The relationship with my second girlfriend ended yesterday. It hurts even though I think we both feel that it wasn't working for either of us. I am especially hurt that she doesn't acknowledge that I showed her love and caring, though I didn't say "I love you" I really do care for her and will miss her in lots of ways. I am very sad that she doesn't want friendship and regards me as not putting into the relationship when I really did try. My eyes are so puffy and I have to stand up at work in front of a load of kids now. Gulp. My birthday next week and I feel sorry for myself.
     
    #1 Peterpangirl, Jun 19, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 19, 2019
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    I’m so sorry to hear that @Peterpangirl. From your posts, it sounded like you did really care for her and were putting a lot into the relationship. Take some time to look after yourself. I hope that you’ll find somebody who appreciates you soon.
     
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  3. Peterpangirl

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    Thanks LostinDaydreams, I do care, but I couldn't be myself physically for reasons I've already mentioned and I think there were just too many issues. She is very insecure in romantic relationships and the showdown happened when I did not call her one evening but only texted as I was in the middle of something and she accused me of not prioritising her. I then tried to call but she didn't pick up and I made a resentful comment that she blew out of all proportion, telling me to "YOU KNOW WHAT? DO ONE." in capital letters, then adfing she was blocking me for good. I also think that her sister's comment a couple of weeks ago - that my now ex fed back to me - strikes a chord. Apparently she said "Don't put pressure on it".
     
    #3 Peterpangirl, Jun 20, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 20, 2019
  4. silverhalo

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    Hey you know what @Peterpangirl that really sucks I am sorry that your relationship has ended but I actually think it's just another reason why it wasn't right. If she isn't seeing and appreciating what you are giving then it's a mismatch isn't it.
    I think in the future you will look back and realise that it just wasn't right, not necessarily anyone's fault it just one of those things. It's poor timing with your teaching and birthday. Hugs.
     
  5. Peterpangirl

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    She has come down from her angry place and wants to be friends. I hope that will be possible in time as she is someone I hold in high regard in terms if what she has achieved despite being utterly betrayed by her so called parents. She is also a deep, kind and intelligent person. If we can achieve it I want her in my life, though we cannot be what we wanted to one another.
     
    #5 Peterpangirl, Jun 21, 2019
    Last edited: Jun 21, 2019
  6. silverhalo

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    I think if you take it slowly and it's what you both want then there is no reason it cannot work. It will take some adjustment but it sounds like perhaps being friends will be all of the good bits of the relationship you had.
     
  7. Peterpangirl

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    She did a 360 degree turn yesterday, blamed me for not being out of love with my ex and has blocked all forms of communication. I feel sad, but I guess that is how she feels. Her reactions to emotions are very extreme and sudden and too much for me to handle.
     
  8. MsAnchor

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    Let it go Peterpangirl, youre going through the turmoil of a breakup where not much of what is said can be counted on. There will be waves and ups and downs because break ups never happen smoothly and there will be explosions of irrational behavior through it.
    Sending you hugs and supportive vibes
     
  9. silverhalo

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    I don't think that's how she feels I think she just isn't dealing well with the breakup and so is blaming you because that's easier isn't it, at least on the surface.
     
  10. Peterpangirl

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    We are now in contact. I hope friendship is possible, but who can say?
     
  11. silverhalo

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    I think it just needs time. My only concern is that she keeps doing this even though you aren't together. Once you can forgive of course, she was upset and dealing with the break up etc etc but if she's does this again and then comes back and wants to be friends then I'd definitely have to think twice. It's not fair for her to do it.
     
  12. Peterpangirl

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    I know she has been through hell in her childhood and youth and has turned much of the awfulness to the good in her work for young people. She is a hero to me. But you are right - I cannot deal with periodic attacks
     
  13. silverhalo

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    Sorry I wasn't trying to make her out to be a horrible person. She is obviously an inspirational woman. I just meant that you have to take care of yourself.
     
  14. Peterpangirl

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    Yes. I know you weren't trying to do that. My instincts are to remain loyal but you are right that I need to take care of myself.
     
  15. silverhalo

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    Plus when you do want to return to dating you need to bein the best place to do that. I'm not saying that can't happen if you are friends with her but it can only happen if she meets you half way and is on the same page.
     
  16. Peterpangirl

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    I'm feeling like I have had it with dating..still not truly over girlfriend one. I am sure time will help, but it has aleady been nearly 8 months since that.
     
  17. silverhalo

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    I think girlfriend two hasn't really helped get over girlfriend one. I'm not saying you need to be ready anytime soon, but just when the moment arises.