Hey there guys, hope you are all well! So.... I’ve never been in a situation like this before, and to be fair, it is quite frustrating. So I met this guy on a dating app. He didn’t display a picture of himself but because we had a lot in common I ended up adding him on Snapchat. He said he was bi and not out and therefore was not ready to send a pic of himself . It’s been pretty much 6 months now and even though we talk everyday, he still doesn’t send a picture of himself or makes plans for a date. He’s sent body pics and eye pics but that’s it. On top of that he knows me from the local gym. So everyone I go there my heart races that he might be there and I wonder if any of the guys is him. We’ve had arguments about this but nothing has changed. I don’t want to force anything cause he needs to find himself and assume what he is on is own time. But it is a shame cause we actually have so much in common... I have had many other opportunities to be with other guys but he’s always on the back of my mind. I feel bad cause it’s mental as I don’t really know how he looks like. We’ve spoken on the phone so he’s ‘real’. All the guys I meet are either looking for sex or things just don’t work out. I just really would like to give this a try. And I am scared that I might not find him attractive after all this time. Relationships go behind looks. But it is also important to have physical attraction. I am 30. 1 year ago I was out of a LT relationship. I am at this point of my life where I really really want to meet the one. I want to have a family and children. And I’m scared I’m wasting my time away with this person as I don’t know what will happen on the future. Any advice from you guy? Many thanks!
My strategy these days with dating apps is to avoid them at all costs. Having said that, if I were in your shoes, I would feel infatuated as well. But as an outsider, I can say that if someone is not willing to meet you, you would do well to scale down your emotions with them. These apps are anonymous, and people do lie or stretch the truth at times. Or even if they are being honest, they can have very deep issues (as is evident by anonymously "dating"). Just don't miss out on real men in the real world in the meantime. Don't let FOMO(fear of missing out) get to you, either. I'm a few years older and I struggle hard with this. Like I'm not going to have time to enjoy life with a partner since I'm single at this age. Try to go with the flow, maybe meditate on the topic if you're into that.
Maybe give him an ultimatum? Either meet up with me in person or I'll delete you from my contacts. He is basically stringing you along. Even if he is genuine about struggling with his sexuality, it doesn't sound like he wants the same thing you want. Could you not even just meet up as friends and see how that goes? Also, if he's actually seen you in the gym and has only spoken to you online without approaching you in person, that seems a bit stalkery.
Well . . . I hate to say it, but my suggestion is that you should either keep talking to him but focus on other potential dates or stop talking to him altogether. While giving an ultimatum isn't a bad idea or anything, I don't suggest doing that (or at least, it's not what I'd do). I do suggest letting him know how you feel and telling him that at this point you aren't looking for games, but for something real. He will know how you feel, and his decisions will be his decisions.
Personally, I try to not get too invested before meeting in person, because I find there is no substitute for getting to know someone face to face. I’ve developed feelings for someone based on their pictures, only to have them evaporate the second we meet in person. 6 months seems like far too long to be talking and to not have met yet, especially if you go to the same gym. I would just say I’m not really interested in continuing the conversation unless we meet in person. If he still puts off meeting after you say that, then I think that’s your answer and it’s time to move on.
I'm pretty much with the others. Either he's full of shit and not who he says he is (much older or way less attractive or something), he's just playing with you, or he's so hopelessly closeted that it would be miserable being in a relationship with him. So I'd vote for setting a boundary. Meet you somewhere, within the next week, or you need to block him and stop communicating. If he really is unwilling to meet, then he isn't serious. If he's afraid, then meeting you is a safe middle ground, especially if you do it in an out of the way coffee shop during off hours or something. Seriously, while I have compassion for people who are closeted, I have no time for people who just waste others' time.
He’s basically a catfish. I don’t think not being out is a good enough reason not to send a picture it’s not like you plan to plaster his photo all over the web. You don’t know who you are talking to. He could be someone you know , he could be in his 50s,he might be a straight guy just playing at being bi, something is off. Tell him he has to meet up or stop talking to him, he might be willing to only have an online relationship but make it clear you aren’t. If after all this time he hasn’t shown himself I doubt you’ll ever know who he is.
It depends, if you are enjoying cat & mouse at the gym by all means. All in all, if it is a mixed gym gender facility (guys & girls) then most of the females probably feel empowered by open displays . On the other hand, if its out of control and you feel like guys are getting stuffed just for showing up to work out (regardless of their sexuality) then you should probably pay some attention to the Platonic side. Good luck fr-iend
