Hello everyone! Bisexual girl here. I find flirting with men relatively easy and comfortable, but I always feel like a clueless potato flirting with women. The lack of representation, lesbian role models, and the fact that a lot of heterosexual girls like to be touchy and compliment each other in a friendly way makes it quite difficult for me to navigate flirting with other women. I have made out and done some foreplay with girls after the two of us getting drunk, but I have absolutely no idea how we managed to communicate our desire to each other so clearly, and sober me is really excited but also petrified at the idea of touching even just the hand or shoulder of the girl I'm into. I have been on several dates with 2 different girls in the past, but we never managed to communicate our desire to each other clearly enough, and in both cases, we stopped dating after 3 or 4 dates because we were both incapable of making a move to kiss, touch, or just show desire for each other in some way or another. I know that the problem is not simply a lack of reciprocity of my feelings because we all made efforts to see each other and they talked excitedly about me to some common friends, but getting physical and explicit about our feelings was always extremely difficult. Hope one of you can help me feel a bit less like a useless bi around girls!
It's sad but even after coming out and coming to terms with our innate sexuality, bi women and lesbians often still worry that we are seen as predatory after being raised in a society that damns us for our love of women instead of men. Being caught once or twice before over having feelings for a woman, I was reprimanded by adults as a child that I knew I had to suppress it for the rest of my life, and would feel guilty if I found myself staring at a beautiful woman for too long. So it's definitely something that plagues a lot of us, especially the newly out/younger ones. I find that maybe starting things slower might be best. Like instead of thinking you HAVE to just immediately try something sexual, maybe ease your way with the smaller things like putting your head on her shoulder instead, and then work your way up (or down???? lol) as you feel more confident as well as reading positive signs in her attraction towards you. Best of luck!
Thanks for your tip! Maybe I do want to take things a bit too fast and it ends up making me too shy to do the simplest thing. I'll try to focus on smaller actions next time as you recommend.
Ah, the going on a 100 dates with a girl and not knowing if they like you or if you are now good buddies is REAL and such a pain. I have definitely friendzoned and been friendzoned for similar reasons in the past but now I force myself to be vocal. I like someone, I let them know, if doing it face to face is too daunting, doing it through text can be an option. I would definitely go for small physical interactions throughout the dates, that genuinely can set the mood, also maybe arrange for situation where kissing could be an option, by doing something that forces you to sit close to each other. Or take them out dancing, usually that brings people much closer
