Football has been apart of my life for 7+ years, I don’t particularly love it, but I enjoy playing. I’ve been playing since before I even suspected I was gay, so in a way... football plays a bigger role in my life than my own sexuality. I must add that my sexuality and football had never been a problem before since I just recently realized and accepted who I truly was after years of denial. But now is not the case despite me still being mostly closeted (only my mom, sister, and a few friends). I’m in high school now, just finished my freshman year and going into sophomore. Also my first season with the high school football team. I’m like the black sheep of the team. I’m not the hyper type, so I don’t scream and yell and jump up and down for a touchdown. I rarely talk to anyone, I just do the drills and plays. I like it that way, I have friends on the team but I can’t really connect with men on a friendship level, 90% of my friends are girls. Even though I don’t talk, I listen. I’ve never so clearly see the ignorance of straight male teenagers of the lgbt+ community. To most of them, it’s a joke, a comical group of peppy homos. Which proves their ignorance as they only listen to the media who portray us as such. They laugh and crack jokes about being gay or doing “gay stuff”. They use the word “fag” as if it’s harmless and just another word to be tossed around. For example: One time as we were walking to get water, a group of guys were just talking non stop about someone gay stuff. Like “I bet you suck d*ck for free” and even literally dry humping someone else for everyone else’s enjoyment. It’s weird. And I hear things of the team last year... those are crazy. Like I heard that if you step into a certain area in the locker room 5 guys jump on you and stick their finger up you know where (with clothes as a physical barrier). I know it’s true because I’ve seen videos...smh. It all just makes me feel uncomfortable and I think it’s subconsciously causing me to skip practices. I know this was long and I’m sorry I just had a lot to say about this. And to tell that the stereotype of the high school straight jock is true. If you’ve read this far, what do you think about this subject, are you in the same situation too. Let me know
Hey DJman.! First, welcome to EC! Second, and most important, congrats for having the courage to be able to be yourself! Something I only recently was able to do, and not an easy thing at that. If anyone does anything like you described to you it is against the law and needs to be reported to the police. It is not ok to be sexually assaulted in that matter even though it is masked as hazing. Don't fall into the stereo types that all LGBTQ people have to act, dress, or speak a certain way. There are gay farmers, cops, firemen, ect. Some folks are just mellow like you, or me at your age and you would never know they weren't straight. Oh, and sometimes, the "straight male teenager" that is the loudest has something to hide himself! Read Pride by Dr. David Holt. It is geared to young people and has a really cool story about a "straight jock." Take Care man! Dean
I'll second all of that. People may sometimes get to you, but they don't define you. Regarding the hazing, sometimes you can assert your own structure with an individual or small group before things get out of hand, either by standing calmly and maintaining a respectful conversation, or by standing firm and saying that you don't go for that shit. In my experience, they are usually looking for fear or a reaction. Stay confident in yourself (no matter what happens, TBH.) And yeah, if something illegal happens, go to the cops and don't give anyone a chance to explain it away. Talk with your mom first, dad maybe. It may help to have a plan in case something happens. Finally, think about each player on the team. There are probably others who are not joining in, and it may help to notice that others also keep their distance.
Thanks for the advice Dean. It’s really appreciated. It helps to know that there are people and groups like this one to help me. And I’ll definitely give that book a read.
I’ll try to notice next time if there are indeed others. And perhaps the people doing the things just need to understand. Ignorance can be dangerous.
I feel for you, buddy. I played baseball and basketball at fairly high levels growing up, and particularly in baseball in the 90s, there was real extreme homophobic behavior. And yet it wasn’t really hateful towards gay people, it was just.....like a joke or slur. Almost community-building in a perverse way. What was it about? I dunno for sure, but I do know it kept me from truly considering that I might be attracted to guys too. All I can tell you is that it’s mostly bullshitting. Boys trying to find something to joke about together. Check out outsports.com for stories about young athletes coming out. 99% ultimately get tremendous support from teammates. Not to say it’s easy - I’m 41 and just starting to come out after a 17 year relationship with a woman and two kids! Something that has helped me is to play softball in an LGBT league.....I have challenged stereotypes about what it would mean to be gay or bisexual....at the end of the day, it’s just softball, and if you can play, you can play! And I have seen some real clearly gay dudes hit the crap out of the ball. Support is really important and being a part of a team is affirming and valuable - but if I could pass along any advice to you and/or my kids, it would be that your relationship with yourself/acceptance of yourself is more valuable than any team/friendship you are a part of! Be the best freakin linebacker/running back/teammate/whatever on the team, and believe me, eventually no one will care you’re gay. But more importantly, your exploits and relationships with others matter less than knowing........you are worthy exactly as you are. Take care!
You don’t understand how much that means to me. I’ll 100% take your advice. I guess I just never felt I could be accepted by them. I feel that way because I was judging them, which makes me no better. And yes it is hard, but I’ll do my best to be myself. Thanks
I definitely second the recommendation to look at Outsports. I'm not an athlete nor was I ever really, but I enjoy the stories on there and it seems like the athletes who tell their stories on there really support one another
This just means you feel you haven't connected with your teammates. You enjoy the sport well enough, so I'd say keep doing it until if/when you find something else you like better in High School. Also, college will likely be a significant improvement (I can't really speak from experience in sports), as people's world-view broadens quite a bit. In the meantime, approach your labeling differently. You're different in some ways, but also similar in ways to the other boys. Don't suppress your unique qualities as a person and feel out-of-place. Hang in there! Unfortunately, humans rally around negativity, so that's why I think so many "straight" boys (quotes because they themselves may not be straight) like to attack homosexuals. Notice they don't mention bisexuals? That's more grey area. It's a terrible thing that this still exists, but I think my general advice as mentioned above is, deal with it until you can get to college. At that point, I think you'll find less extremes and also clubs, teams, etc that are LGBTQ friendly.
