Many years ago, I fell deeply in love with someone, and the resulting fallout from that left me a complete mess. Apart from my best friend of 12 years who helped me through everything that happened, I am unable to really let myself trust anyone, including my own family. I want to be able to care about people in my personal life again. I just don't know how to move on from all the pain of failing to be accepted in that community and having to start over. I lost more than a relationship when things went wrong, and now I have this constant fear of losing whatever support network I have grown since then. How do I open up my heart once again after losing so much? It's been at least 5 years, and I am unable to let it go.
It's really tough to learn to trust again. Easy to break and hard to mend. I think you have to try and do it a small step at a time just a little bit here and a little bit there and try and build it back in gradually.
sadly, there is no magic fix or easy road in most mending processes. I myself take the ending of relationships and ensuing recovery quite hard, as I'm usually the one being left behind. as I sit here typing this I haven't had a sexual partner or even a date in over 10 years. I did however ask a much younger co-worker out to a movie a few years ago, so I may not be completely hopeless (yet). sadly, she had to decline, as she had a boyfriend who also worked at our company, I just hadn't realized they were a couple when I asked her. wading through all that, the best honest advise I can give on the subject is that you won't be ready till you stop asking yourself if you are and just take the chance. we are a resilient thing, we can get back up and try again.
I hear your deep loss and pain and your fear of experiencing that again. Baby steps...maybe enjoy others as friends and companions first.
