Yes, yes, yes..there is no one way to be gay. You can be a very masculine man or a stereotypical feminine woman and aren't any less/more gay. But, has anyone felt a desire to be a more effeminate gay man or butch lesbian? I would generally be described as pretty "straight passing" for lack of a better word. But, it is hard to say how much of that is because I was closeted for a long time and wanted to fit in with broader society and how much that is just my "natural" personality. Now that I have fully accepted myself as gay, I find myself having a vague desire to be less "stereotypical straight" and more "stereotypical gay." Although, I'm not really sure what they means exactly or even how to go about that. Has anyone else felt a similar way?
There are many reasons why people are more visually gay. For some, it's just the way they are. It not a conscious choice they are making, but an inherent part of their character that has developed over a lifetime. For others it is a more conscious decision and often comes from a desire to embrace their sexuality after many years of suppression within the closet. I don't think there is anything wrong with that, providing it is about embracing the fullness of our sexuality and not about creating a mask to hide unresolved pain. I know of gay men who have camped it up to extremes to hide a whole lot of emotional pain and personal fragility and that's quite unhealthy. So, I would ask you to think about where the desire to be more visible is coming from and take it from there. Is it possible that the higher visibility that comes during Pride season is driving some of these feelings?
Sort of. I do appear more effeminate by painting my nails pink and carrying a purse, but I fully enjoy it. I have a strong feminine side to me. I look at the idea of wanting to appear more gay as a way of showing pride in being gay. You want everybody to know that you are this way.
I like this thread and would like to hear other's ideas on how a person can visually gay without wearing just pride colors.
There was awhile after I first came out where I'd wear a small pride bracelet. After awhile I didn't feel the need to, but it helped me and felt good at that time
Yeah, its hard to really put my finger on it. There definitely are people you can just tell (or at least give off the appearance) from the style of dress and mannerisms. But, its hard to figure it out how to replicate it exactly.
[QUOTE="PatrickUK, post: 6668640, member: 42699 So, I would ask you to think about where the desire to be more visible is coming from and take it from there. Is it possible that the higher visibility that comes during Pride season is driving some of these feelings?[/QUOTE] For me, it has more to do with making it easier for people to know without having to uncomfortably tell people. Plus, I find it attractive.
Sometimes I've tried to act more "gay" so people would know I'm available. It was difficult to maintain. I just let a rainbow hang out of my pocket now.
@gayfish96 I think your idea is great by letting a rainbow symbol hang out your pocket. I've tried it and it does draw attraction for same-sex attracted males. I wonder has anyone responded to the rainbow symbol hanging out of your pocket that has homophobia. For me, I've found attending Pride festivals helped me with coming out more and taking some fashion ideas from the guys there and using it with my wardrobe, very helpful. All this and every day I become more comfortable being gay and the heterosexual world is a vanishing point in my rear view mirror.
I felt this way a lot when I was first coming out. I wanted people to know that I was one of them. I am a woman who tends to dress somewhere in between masculine and feminine. I don't wear male clothing, but I don't really wear makeup or wear my hair long. Short fingernails, etc. I think it was more so about feeling like I fit in somewhere. I wanted to look like other people who were like me. Now, I don't try to look gay, but I do have a lot of gay friends, so that may be why. I have a group of people I am able to confide in, and I also see in real life that even though I have a group of friends who are gay, we don't all look the same. Some are more feminine than others, while some look stereotypically lesbian.
